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Friday, July 31, 2015

And the Winner Is? Who knows?

In six days one of the biggest shows of the year is taking place in Cleveland, OH. It is the first of what appears to be eleven Republican debates. Of course the first debate in either party is always the most exciting, because of the size of the field, and the wide open nature of the forum. At this point nobody has really established a loyal following, all of the voters are just walking down the buffet line, trying a little of this, in the past it might have been a little taste of Gingrich on a Balanced Budget roll, or perhaps a little Kerry on an Increased Educational Opportunity wafer. Normally, nobody has really picked a main course yet.

"The Donald" has thrown a monkey wrench into the works. He has taken a commanding lead in the polls, mostly by not really answering questions. Always a good tactic this early, but "the Donald" has taken this to new heights. Sometimes he doesn't answer the question while it is still being asked, talking right over the top of the press person.

It is not too difficult to imagine Donald Trump talking from the beginning of the debate to the end, without stopping. Moderators fidgeting nervously with microphones, pens and note cards. Other candidates watching in helpless terror as the debate is turned into the latest installment of reality television.

How would this play in America. Probably pretty well if the current slate of programming is any
indication. It could turn into Presidential Survivor, or Presidential Professional Wrestling. A weekly display of brutality, subterfuge, and oversized egos and personalities. All vying for the love, or despisement of the American television audience. Or, if it should be a little lighter it could be more like the Harlem Globetrotters barnstorming across the country, winning game after game against a determined but over matched foe.

Of course, the politicians who are not practiced reality television stars are not in favor of the transition. Across Iowa and New Hampshire they are meeting with advisers, and coaches, and strategists about the best way to combat the Trump menace.

Rob Portman, from Ohio, who seems to be a pretty decent guy, considering he is a politician, said the best tactic in this situation would probably be "one liners, and humor." Avoid getting drawn into the rhetoric, and anger. It could draw attention to a candidate and become a clip shown again and again. He stopped short of suggesting a "Last Comic Standing" approach, but it might work.

Anyway, things are warming up. I am stocking up on snacks, something healthy, and drinks, probably carbonated water, and getting ready for the first show down of the year. It could be epic. I hope the good guy wins.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

We Have the Answer.

A man climbed over the barricade at the Columbus Zoo. He walked across the space between the fence, and the cougar exhibit, and petted the cougars. Really he just stuck his fingers through the fence, and kind of scratched the cougars behind the ears.

He captured his exploits on film, on a GoPro camera. He was kind enough to post it online, for the world to enjoy. And they have, particularly the Zoo and the Sheriffs office. And they have decided to press charges.

Cougars are the 4th largest feline class. Standing up to 35 inches tall at the shoulder, they can weigh up to 90 pounds.  Petting them is not really all that smart. But, pet them he did. And, for the most part, watching the video they seemed to enjoy the attention. In fact, they acted like a house cat, sticking their ears out for a little attention.


Today, while being interviewed he said, "here's my thing, if safety is there number one concern then they need to do something about the exhibit." And that sums it up, doesn't it? Right there, we have the answer.

If they wanted him to stay away from the cougars, they should have done more than just put up a fence. They should have put up a wall, an impenetrable, solid barrier, armed with a Ninja, carrying a machine gun. And posted a sign, "Please Do Not Pet the Ninja."

We need to make this world safe for people who don't recognize the sanctity of barriers, and foolishness of petting wild animals. 

We here, at Life Explained, are in the process of insuring the safety of citizens the world over. We are training animals to use firearms. Certainly nobody would be stupid enough to approach a grizzly bear packing heat (no matter how cold it was). Probably.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Music, Government, and Everything in Between.

It is approaching 90 degrees today. It may have reached 90, who knows. When it gets that hot does a few degrees really matter. Not much, probably. When it gets this warm I have to listen to "Bullroarer" by Midnight Oil, just for the opening;

"In the desert in the dry,
Before the breaking of the rain,
The temperature in the shade
Had reached a 110 again."

Then I listen to the whole thing because it is a rocking number, and a little angry. Musicians who are angry seem to make better music.  And Peter Garrett was pretty mad about a lot of things, mostly things that were uniquely Australian, the treatment of indigenous people, and the stewardship of the land. I guess those problems are not so unique to Australia, after all.

In fact he was so mad he ran for office, and people were so incensed they elected him. And now we don't have a tall, angry man singing songs about injustice, no more Midnight Oil, but we do have another Member of Parliament. Mores the pity. I have several Midnight Oil albums, and enjoy them enthusiastically.

Recently, Mr. Garrett resigned his post, and announced he would not seek reelection. There has been some strife in the Australian government, and it has not set well. So he will have some free time, soon.

Speaking of Midnight Oil, they started as a band in 1973. Wow, that was a long time ago. About the same time a Canadian band named the Guess Who broke up, according to a fan page it was actually 1975.

On my Phone is a copy of "The Best Of The Guess Who." It was on sale, and they were pretty cool, so I snagged it. They had quite a few hits, and I am nothing if not nostalgic about the music of that era.

Recently a coworker told me he was going to visit his Mother, and take in the county fair. He said it was a small fair, in a sparsely populated county. But, they "get some big name acts, this year it is the Guess Who." Who knows, maybe next year they will get Midnight Oil.

Monday, July 27, 2015

A day of reckoning.

OK, there have been some issues with our time machine, not that it doesn't work, but it works way too well. All sorts of people have been coming and going, we lost count, and are not really sure how to shut it off, curse you Self Contained Nuclear Reactor.

And our matter diffusion and transferal system, not that it doesn't work, it just doesn't work very well. Sometimes people are taller, and thinner, or shorter and bigger around, and sometimes it changes hair color, and nobody knows where their tattoo will appear. It always get them back together, more or less, the way they were. Here, we should apologize to Bob, from Building Services, who is now a delightful shade of blue, stunning, really. We have that all worked out, Bob, and if you want to try it again, we are fairly certain we can reverse the hue, we think.

Anyhoo, it seems Congress is a little angry about some things, and has called us to appear before a joint session. One of the things they want to discuss is a small army of ancient Egyptian soldiers tearing around the nation's capital, drinking a lot of beer, and terrorizing commuters demanding to be returned to ancient Egypt. Though very few people understand what they are saying, in fact we are just guessing.  They might be asking for directions to the Cracker Barrel, we don't know. Dr. Dawg is an expert in dead languages, and is researching "Biscuits and Gravy" in ancient Egyptian, but it is slow, tedious work.

Everything is going so well in America these days and Congress has nothing better to do than harass us, poor scientists and engineers, doing our best to make this nation great again. How about the budget, the debt, the trade deficit, or the cost of living? Huh, how about that? What about Deflate Gate, Huh?

Don't worry, we have a plan. though.
Thank you, Doctor Dawg, and Al Pacino
we have wanted to say that for a long time
.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

The Awards Just Keep Piling Up, This Makes One!

Recently this blog was, and it's humble proprietor were nominated for an Award, the Book Fangirling Award. I am going to assume this is a compliment, and that the delightful, talented +Adele Archer  is not the type to toss trans Atlantic insults at an innocent, unassuming blogger.
The rules seem simple, which is good, because we be nothing but humble bloggers,
First. Thank the nominator, Thank you, Adele Archer, I am grateful you thought of me.
Second. Answer their book related questions. (see below)
Third. Nominate five bloggers, attempt to coerce them into answering the five book related questions you have created in the Fourth Rule. Further, try to convince them to nominate 5 bloggers (step 5) and asking each five book related questions they have developed in Step 6.
1: My least favourite book is ‘Snow Falling on Cedars’. If my bed was a little wonky, I would probably prop it up with that. Which book would you prop your bed up with?
'Plague Dogs" or "Watership Down" by Richard Adams. They were fantastic books, and I loved them completely. But, they were so depressing, so dark and terrible, they tore me to pieces, one wonderfully descriptive, beautifully written chapter at a time. And I probably wouldn't use them to prop up my bed, because of all the anguish they contain. I know this is not the type of least favorite book, but I am too flaky to finish a book I am not enjoying.
2: You’re only allowed eBooks OR real books for the rest of your life (now, don’t be pretentious), which would you choose?

I would take real books. I have never developed the ability to read on a screen. I haven't given up, but there is probably not much hope. I can't watch television shows on a smart phone or computer screen.
3: ‘Hunger Games’ or ‘Quiddich’, which is the suckiest sport?

I didn't read either book, but I don't think there is much wholesale death in Quiddich, so I would pick "Hunger Games."
4: If your life story was made into a biography, what chapter would you ask them to leave out?

The eighties, and the later parts of the seventies, which is ok, because I don't remember all that much about them.  But, if they would allow a little fiction it might be acceptable.

5: Bloggers are renowned for being a peaceful peoples, but which character from which book (other than Bella Swan from Twilight) would you most like to slap?

Fiction, I would choose Scheisskopf from "Catch 22" what a putz!  Non fiction it would be the Khwarazm Shah from any book about the conquests of Genghis Khan. Depending on the writer he may have almost single-handedly brought about the destruction of the Persian Empire. Though slapping him would have been suicide. So I choose fiction.

My choices are +Mike Raven  from the Blog of Thog, a blogger without equal, +Joy Fanning from Aspiring Joy,I know she loves books, and has a fantastic blog, and is one of my first blogging friends, and +Rachel Rennie  from Rachel's Blog, another book lover, and a blogger who can really write. While that is not the full contingent of nominees, it ain't bad. And, it is one more than +Adele Archer .

I wish you all luck, and offer my apologies.

My book related questions.

1. I have reread several books, just because I love them. Do you do that, if so which book have your read the most?

2. Is there a time you think Fiction, no Non-Fiction? Sometimes I have to read something real.

3. I love certain authors for the way they write, they way they can craft a sentence, a good sentence is wonderful. Do you have any books that you feel are just beautifully written, works of art?

4.  When I was young I bought a used book at a second hand store called "The Beast Regiment." it was great, and I haven't been able to find a copy since then. Do you have any ideas for me?

5. Writing is personal, reading is solitary. But sharing a great book is such a joy. Do you think books are the beauty that can save the world?

Boxing, the Sport of Kings, Depending on Your King.

Yesterday we went to the County Fair. I love county  fairs. It is a celebration of community. I enjoy watching the bustle and hum, and color, and excitement. Everywhere you look there is activity, color, and excitement, everywhere you listen there is noise, music, the whir of carnival rides. The smell of  fried food, the odor of humanity, mixed with the heat and humidity, it can be intoxicating, and powerful. It must trigger something primal, from our collective past. Something from when our survival depended on numbers, cooperation, and a herd like solidarity. Or maybe I am just a little crazy.

Anyway, we went mostly for the boxing.  Growing up I watched giants, Ali, Foreman, Frazier, Norton. Giant men, with giant egos and giant personalities, using giant amounts of talent, and determination to prove who was the best. And I was in awe.



Later, when living in a small town in the Midwest, and knowing very few people I joined a boxing club, mostly to try to get in shape, and keep myself from too many really bad habits, habits that threatened to consume me. After a couple of weeks they politely refunded my money and asked me to leave. It seems my actual boxing skills were very limited, but my imaginary boxing skills were boundless. Concerned with my safety, and, probably potential insurance problems, they decided to end our association. Another dream falls dies on the vine.

But, I don't blame them, and I still love boxing. Though, I had forgotten how much until my wife asked "do you want to go to the boxing matches at the county fair?" DO I? my dreams were reborn, at work, when no one was around I was shadow boxing on the second floor. Jab, jab, jab, hook, upper cut, dance away. He never laid a glove on me!

So, we went, and loved every minute of it. We walked in right as the first match started. And it was amazingly fun. These guys were boxing, in the truest sense of the word. Honestly, I didn't expect the boxing to be that good. They would punch and move, jab, throw a flurry of combos. There was not a lot of grabbing to rest, they really put on a good show.

The rest of the bouts were good, but that first one was the best. Here is the amazing bit, (I try to save he amazing bits until the end, I've heard that is the best way) the winner of the first bout, the undefeated boxing legend Afrim Mema, (he was undefeated yesterday, anyway, and any professional boxer willing to watch the matches with us is a legend on this blog) came up to the grandstand, and asked who was winning, we told him it hadn't started. And my son said "great match." he thanked him and sat down and watched the rest of the boxing matches. Not only was he a very talented boxer he was a polite young man, with a great sense of humor, and a keen insight into the sport.

It was a great day, very warm, very humid and a lot of fun. Unfortunately, we forgot the sunscreen and are all a little too toasted this morning. That is OK, though, we had a good time, watched great boxing, and met a professional boxer, it doesn't get much better than that.

The videos I threatened all of Tech Whacko Nation are still coming. It is much more difficult transferring video from a digital camera to an iPhone than I assumed, you know what they say happens when you ASSUME things. You end up looking stupid.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Dilemmas Of Modern Life.

Where does a person draw the line? A question that applies to almost every situation, every day. At work, lunch time, cruise to the kitchen, stop and chat with a few co-workers, stuck in their cubicles, chained to their desks, waiting for that all important call, email, or fax. Man, poor suckers! But, you, my friend, you are free.

Ah, the sweet joy of lunch time, birds sing, eagles soar, and you are floating on air. A brief stop to waltz with the receptionists chair, and you are there, the kitchen, the last bastion of freedom in this wicked world of crushing, suffocating responsibility.

Plus, you have leftover Huli Huli chicken, wild rice and asparagus. So good, so tasty, so mush better the next day. How does that always happen? One day something is so delicious and the next day it is ambrosia. Who cares? Why analyze it? Just enjoy.

What?!??! Someone is using the microwave! and there are meals stacked up behind it, like a train wreck of tasteless food. Isn't there a faster way to warm up lunch?  That microwave is so slow! Curse the fates.

No one is there. Should you just sneak that awful looking, cheese covered pile of awful, processed
food out and warm up your healthy, delicious celebration of nutritional joy?

Looking around, you notice there is nobody near the kitchen. Nobody would see. It would be simple, pop your meal in warm it up and be eating before anybody notices.  What if you got caught, though? How would you explain this?

"My lunchtime is more important than yours."  My meal is better than yours."

Damn these moral dilemmas. These are the great questions of our generation. We should really get a hobby.

On a more historical note, fifty years ago today Bob Dylan played an electric set at the Newport Folk Festival. He was booed, and criticized, and cursed. Being Bob Dylan he didn't care. Since then he has gained some acclaim as a singer songwriter. Here is one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9EKqQWPjyo


Thursday, July 23, 2015

Life Explained, Helping Make the Best Of Your Day.

A "no-win" situation arises when any course of action will result in an untenable situation. It is a situation that is so distasteful that the best that can be hoped for is not being the worst loser. In general a person should avoid any encounter that ends with a "no-win" resolution.

A "win-win" situation on the other hand is a problem where everybody wins. Which is much nicer, unless you happen to be what is called a "sore winner" who not only enjoys "the thrill of victory" but relishes watching somebody else suffer through "the agony of defeat." In that case a "win-win" is really just a "no-win" in disguise. Really, there are no hard and fast rules about winning in life, and in most situations there is something lost and something gained.

Fortunately, there are times, and occurrences that make for a much wider margin of unsatisfactory victory.

Working from home is a good way to strike a blow for freedom, or at least a short, unsatisfactory furlough. While it may not have all of the comforts of home... wait, I guess it does. It may not be perfect, but it does have advantages over working from work.


  • The commute is much shorter. Some people can get from their bedroom to the television in a few seconds.
  • There is a much more casual dress code when working from home. Pajamas are acceptable at home but not always appropriate for the office. Be careful about video conferencing before the first attempt at personal hygiene. Uncombed hair, and a Batman robe will not help your next evaluation. 
  • It is a great time to catch up on household chores. The last three seasons of whatever show you are trying to watch, for example. Or finally getting a chance to play a video game without those punk kids around to stomp you into a hopeless sense of despair.
  • Naps are much more successful at home.
  • You can save your sick days and do something fun.
  • None of those pesky "have you been drinking?" questions to interrupt your groove.*
Life is filled with opportunities to lose in satisfactory, appealing ways. Take advantage of each, but when you need that lift that only a small, meaningless victory to make it through another day come to us, here at "Life Explained, Life Coaching for the Average Man."


* You might want to quit answering the phone and responding to emails after your 4th beer.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The First Step is Always the Hardest, and Sometimes the Fastest, Too.

It was so much simpler in the early days. Just Dr. Dawg, Bob, and me. Driving around, in a 1971 VW Micro Bus, solving problems, and saving humanity. No withholding taxes, no retirement accounts, no worries, no huge government contracts. Life was simple.

We were staying in the HG wing of the Wells hotel in Baltimore. It had taken some work, and a lot of effort, and combing a microwave oven and a laser printer to create a small, controlled nuclear reactor, but our first time machine was ready to try. Bob, our accountant, had agreed to give it a shot.

"You're sure it's safe?" Bob asked and the trembling in his voice, and hands and knees,
made it obvious he was considering un-volunteering, backing out, not going.

I poured him a bourbon, neat. And Doctor Dawg pointed to a chalk board covered with long, complicated equations that had almost as many letters as numbers.

"I have been over the calculations too many times to count. They always come up the same. Since you lived long enough to be born you can't be killed before your birth. There is no way alter a reality that has passed. It is numerically impossible. It's all right there. Nothing bad can happen." He said, and a bit lower, under his breath, almost inaudible he added, "I think."

Bob had a very keen eye for numbers, which is why we hired him to be our accountant, but he did not understand science, or scientific notation. Which was fine, that was why we had Dr. Dawg. I was the driver, bartender, chef, shopper, and calming influence. We all took our jobs very seriously.

So, Bob finished his bourbon, looked at the equations, and Dr. Dawg, who patted him on the back, and said "you can do this, Bob, you are blazing a new trail, setting a new course for human understanding, you will be a hero. And we will wait right here."

Bob, stepped through the portal.

"Where did you send him?" I asked.

"I'm not too sure, but I was aiming for ancient Egypt during the reign of Amenhotep III, it was a relatively peaceful, prosperous time, according to the internet, anyway. We will find out, when Bob returns, where he actually ended up, and calibrate the Chrono Place-Ometer for accuracy. Hey is there any pizza left?"

I went to check, Dr. Dawg said we wouldn't have to wait long, according to his research, Bob could spend two or three days in the past and it would only be a small amount of time, no more than a few minutes, in the present. I was coming back with a couple of pieces of pizza, and a nice glass of Chardonnay, when Bob came running through the portal, screaming in terror. He knocked the pizza to the floor, I barely saved the wine.

Bob slammed the door open so hard he put the knob through the sheetrock wall and tore off down the hall, like a motorcycle.  Right behind him came a contingent of Egyptian soldiers, slamming through the small apartment, knocking over the couch, and table, and took off after Bob.  I drank the wine before anything else could happen.

Dr. Dawg looked at at me and said, "Well, I certainly didn't see that coming. We should probably pack up and go somewhere else. There could be a lot of questions soon."

We moved to Memphis, Tennessee and started working on a method to open and close the portal.  More on that later, though.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Life, according to Doctor Dawg.


One post doing double duty, man a guy could get used to this.

I don't normally do this, but I feel strongly about smoking, more accurately, not smoking. I quit four years ago in July, so every year I have at least one post about quitting.  And, I go back to the About.com forum where I received a lot of support, and made some great friends, and write what they call a"milestone post." Since I have not done anything here, yet, and this post was featured by the moderator, I thought I would just put it here.  Saves a lot of typing, you know

Four years ago today (actually, it was yesterday) was the last cigarette. It was a lonely feeling at the time, a little scary, and clouded with uncertainty. I liked smoking, people are going to say I didn't, it was just an illusion caused by the addiction, ok, but it felt like I liked smoking. Heck, I looked cool smoking, ok I probably looked almost as stupid as I was, but smoking was the dumbest thing I ever did and it would be awful to look that stupid.  Whatever the case, I quit, and it was the smartest thing I ever did, my doctor said it was the best health care decision a person could make. He was right.
Today, I feel too good to be this old. Happy, cheerful, free, and healthy, and it started with a decision to quit smoking. Making the decision was easy, following through could be tough at times, but every day got easier, every week was a victory. And they piled up, faster and faster. Soon it was a year, a year without a cigarette, wow! That was amazing. Who knew it was even possible?
It is liberating being an ex smoker, no more stopping to buy a pack, no more making sure there is a lighter handy, no more washing up in an attempt to cover the odor. Life is simpler, and better. I work downtown in a medium sized midwestern city, and walk around after eating lunch, and the little clusters of smokers, huddled together, outposts against the coming sanity, brings feelings of sympathy (for them) and pride (for me).
There are so many problems with smoking, least of which is the ridiculous expense. A person could probably fund a presidential campaign on the money spent smoking. It is a hideously expensive, and that is the least of the problems. Smoking kills people, slowly, insidiously, painfully, humiliating them, bankrupting them, destroying them. And I did this by choice?! 
My Mother quit when she was 85 years old, her doctor told her she had to, or it was going to take her vision. After many years, I don't even know how many, she quit. She carped, and complained, and griped, but it was a source of great pride, that she managed to quit, at 85. But, she had no idea, nor did I, that smoking is terrible for your eyes. 85 years old, smoked most of her life, and she quit, so can you, and you should. An interesting anecdote, my mom was kind of a handful and made my younger sister promise to tell everyone she died prematurely (if that is possible at 91) because they made her quit smoking.
I exercise, real exercise, three times a week, at the gym, treadmills, elliptical machines, weights, resistance training, real exercise, and I feel great. Better than I have in years. Happier, healthier, nicer to people, a little wealthier, and all because I quit smoking.
Think about it, quitting smoking will help you see better, live longer, feel happier, and have a little more money. Yes. there are moments of difficulty, temptation, even longing, but they pass. There is an old saying in the fitness world (imagine that, me in the fitness world) "If the question is not hunger food is not the answer." What question could possibly have the answer "smoking a cigarette." 
Here is a song about freedom, it is old so some of the imagery is a little dated, and it might not be exactly appropriate for freedom from smoking, but these guys are cool, and I am sure would be very happy to help you quit. Besides, no matter what the question, "Rock and Roll," is always a good answer.

Don't smoke, don't even think about it.

Monday, July 20, 2015

It was a new day yesterday

It was a point of contention yesterday.  There were many employees involved and it really got heated. At one point we had to mobilize our crack security squad. Sure it started easily enough, the Sunday crossword puzzle was laying on the table. There were three words completed.

Not just any words, either, the long words with the complex, riddle like clues. And not just completed, either, completed in pen. And not just completed in pen, completed in pen incorrectly.

So, the Sunday crossword, with the three long answers filled in in ink, and the words are wrong. And not just wrong, but dramatically, woefully, obviously wrong. These answers were not even close. It did not take long for that to get out of control.

The Sunday crossword puzzle is important to our team of scientists, researchers, and engineers. It is the one time they all work together, the one thing they really get excited about. And now they felt it had been defaced. Their weekend respite had been vandalized.

It was a long, nasty fight. One of the engineers actually pulled a laser gun and pointed it at one of the researchers. Or he thought he was pointing it at one of the researchers, but he really did not understand the weapon, at all.  It was actually pointed at water cooler, and it wasn't really a laser gun, it was matter diffuser, and rearrangement tool (we have big hopes for that, but it needs work).  So, until we can get a new cooler we will be getting our water from a gas powered microwave with an attachment for edging.
Mad Bob, the new guy

But, security arrived, with two dozen donuts, and a fresh Sunday paper, and normalcy was returned to our Sunday. Plus, they have some proof pointing to Mad Bob, the new guy in R and D as the culprit, it seems Dr. Dawg may have taken his lasagna, and eaten it. Hey, those things happen, right? We are all friends again.

Well, everything is back to normal. Monday is here, and we love Monday, a fresh start, a new beginning, a wonderful, new adventure.

I hope there are some donuts left. Man those things were great. Security knows the best snack food places in town.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Corn Dogs, Controlled Violence and Entertainment.

Yesterday was an exercise in masculinity, a macho parade of manly activities, a mixture of jet fuel and fireworks and bourbon. All combined and stirred and sauteed in a pan with a touch of extra virgin olive oil until tender, at this point add a sprinkle of salt and a pinch of oregano. Now fold in the diced onion, gently stirring and carefully pouring into a 9 by 13...  Wait, it was a lot more macho than that.
We went fishing, and it was hot, and there had been a lot of rain so the water was thick with branches, twigs, and leafs. It was humid, and pretty miserable, and it takes a real man to suffer through that sort of misery.  But, we were not bothered by any fish. Lucky bastards, anyway.

This evening we tried something completely new, and different.  We went to an MMA match. Actually, it was series of matches, six in total. And, they were outside, and they were at the county fair. 







There is something magical about a county fair, something historical, barns filled with chickens, cows, and sheep, and dreams. Each one the product of hours of work, and care. Sleepless nights, sweat, tears, and the endless hope of success.

Which is probably very similar to the Mixed Martial Arts at this level. These are combatants with few fights, entry level bouts. But, everybody had to start somewhere, right?


After the heat and humidity of the day the evening cooled down beautifully. There were dark clouds, some rumbles of thunder, and a few flashes of lightning, but they stayed on the periphery. It was a great night for sitting outside watching two young men try to beat the living snot out of each other.

Mixed martial arts is kind of new to me, but my son likes it and I love to check out new things. Plus, it was at the county fair. We have watched it a few times, so I am not a complete novice.



It always seems to start with two guys kick boxing and then one grabs the other, throws him down, and tries to kneel over him and pound him into submission. It seems savage, and the formula doesn't change much, but it is interesting, once you get past the brutality. And it is obvious these young men train vigorously, and work very hard to earn a chance to climb into the six sided ring.  I am not sure why it has six sides.

But, it was quite an experience and trying new things is always a good idea.  Next week it is boxing and the demolition derby.  More mayhem and elephant ears. Don't pass the chance to take in something local, you will never regret it.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Hey, Haven't I Seen You Somewhere?


As part of my new, fit, healthy life style I walk at lunchtime. It is a good way to add a few extra steps, and see some different things. I work right on the edge of Downtown, not too far from the arena district. There are a lot of businesses around there, and a lot of restaurants, and there are always a lot of people around.  It is filled with life and energy, and easy to get lost in the sea of humanity.

But, not so easy that I haven't noticed strange things, dark things happening on the periphery. Things that the average person may not see, or comprehend, things that only an experienced blogger with an eye trained in the art of observation would notice.

One of the things I've noticed is how many people are exactly the same. Not just remarkably similar, but identical copies. Or, possibly can move in ways that defy natural laws and human abilities.

For example, I'm walking south down North Front Street, and I see a person, dressed in a particular manner, carrying a particular purse, pack, bag, or satchel, walking north on North Front Street. No big thing, a lot of people like to walk up Front Street in the Arena District, though I am not sure why, all of the action is on High Street, just a wide, long block over. Including the Chicken Truck, serving chicken for lunch, and being actively advertised for by a giant dancing, singing chicken.*



But, then I go left on West Spring Street and am now heading east, and see the same person, wearing the same clothes, carrying the same accessory. Either that person is exactly like that other person, or that person pulled some enormous feat of speedy travel.**  The block at the intersection of Spring and Front is huge, and it takes almost 2,000 steps to get around (OK, I just guessed, I will check the actual  I will check the actual steps nest time I walk that way.  Isn't technology wonderful?). But, something is definitely amiss here.


The theoretical physicists, and the forensic biologists are working on the problem now.  But, Dr Dawg has a theory. Between the late 50s and the early 70s, coinciding roughly with the end of the baby boom, they ran out of molds, or forms, or whatever they use in the production of humans, and they had to start recycling. So, there are many people who are cut by the same die.  Which makes as much sense as anything, I suppose.

Either that, or maybe there are not nearly as many people as we thought in this town. It is just a few people moving around a lot, and pretty quickly, in an effort to win more federal money.

Either way it is a little creepy, right up there with a giant, singing, dancing chicken.  And people eat that stuff?


*I am pretty sure it is just a guy dressed in a chicken suit. Since we all know birds are direct line descendants of dinosaurs I am not really keen to get close enough to find out.

**We haven't ruled out time travel, yet, but we haven't quite figured out how to do that, and we are pretty smart.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Good News, We Have A New Associate.

Meet Bob, our new accounting apprentice. And the eye candy gracing our new logo.  Bob, you can call him Bob, Bo, Bobby, Robert, or Robby, he is very relaxed, is from Rock Island IL. Which is part of the Quad Cities, grouped along the Mississippi River in the Southeast corner of Iowa where it borders Illinois.  Bob, never really knew if he should tell people he was from Iowa or Illinois so he just said he was from Colorado.
Meet Bob.

He graduated with honors and a degree, and hopes and dreams, and aspirations of changing things. Bob longed for the opportunity to make a difference. But, he ended up working for us, instead.

Welcome aboard, Bob, could you run out and get some coffees, and donuts, and some of those everything bagels. There's a good fellow.

Bob is going to fit in real well.

Now, onto the news of the day. The New Horizons deep space probe is passing Pluto and sending back photos, and information, and people are very excited. Of course, people seem to have forgotten that in 2006 the International Astronomical Union decided that Pluto was not a planet at all. They, if memory (and by memory I mean the internet) serves correctly reduced Pluto's status to Dwarf Planet.

It seems that Pluto dropped in from the Kuiper Belt and fell into orbit with eight real planets and kind of put on airs. But, it was obviously not willing to fit in, it always had to be kind of a showoff. It did not settle for a more or less flat circular orbit, like the real planets, it had to zip around with an inclination of almost 17 degrees. what a showoff.  No real planet would be caught dead acting like that.

Plus, it was small, covered in ice, and just not really made of planetary stuff. Now, though, all of these "scientists" are running around trying to snap selfies looking at streamed data from the New Horizon's orbit of Pluto. We, here at Life Explained, are not going to get caught up in all that sensationalism, and pseudo science.

It has nothing to do with the fact that NASA will not let us look, either. Probably still mad about that horrendous butt kicking we gave them in The Scientist Slow Pitch Softball Tourney. Sore losers, anyway.

There are other celestial bodies in the sky, you know.





Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Tuesday, better than Monday, and Looky what we have, some new guys.

Yesterday was very stressful, it was Monday, and I had a dentist appointment, both of which are bad.   Plus there was a large shipment delivered at work, which is always bad. And it rained, which, considering the amount of rain we have had lately, is very bad. It was kind of a bad day.

But, the dentist appointment went off without a snag, a cavity or even a lecture on flossing, that was good. Somebody put away the entire shipment last night, which was good. And, the sun is shining, for now, nobody will say that is not good.

Every time we get a new shipment someone will ask me to change a few "locs" which is "distribution center*" jargon for "locations.**" Because warehouse workers are way to busy to use sound out all three syllables. Have you gone mad?

Anyway, on the packing list for this large shipment of expensive, highly sought after gift ware, and decorative items, which contained all of the new locations there was a series of illustrations. I am not sure who, or what they represent, but they made me smile and that was great.

It seems like they should be hired to work here. Little mad scientists, working hard to save humanity from mankind, which is the whole purpose of the blog.  Which was a great idea.

So far it has worked splendidly, too. Last time we checked humanity was still in contention for last species to face extinction. With the Earth still spinning, and the Leap Second made inconsequential, except for a little extra sleep.  It was so smart to add the second in the middle of the night. Think of the rioting has everybody been required to work an extra second, without compensation.  That was our idea, by the way. Wasn't that great?

Of course, before we can hire anybody, we will have to fabricate a background story, and "send in a resume." So, if anybody has any ideas we, here at Life Explained, regarding any of our potential new employees we would be thrilled to hear from you.*** That would be so great.



*Which is a freighted self important way to say warehouse.

** Not really, nobody around here talks like that. For a brief time I worked in an enormous "distribution center" and everybody talked like that, and I said terrible things about them. I am trying to encourage this sort of silliness. It will give me a convenient reason to ridicule my coworkers. Until then there are other things.

*** Yes, I know I switched from reality to fiction and personal point of view, but those sorts of things are bound to happen when you let a "distribution center" employee write his own blog.

Monday, July 13, 2015

A new day, and a new chance for a little money

Over the weekend we, here at Life Explained, had an epiphany. It was brought about the by the gross injustice foisted upon the average citizen. It seems that writer +Adele Archer (hereafter referred to as our client) is not allowed to participate in the Wimbledon Tennis Championship. This decision was based solely on the fact that our client never took the time to learn to play tennis. Forgive us if our voice trembles slightly with outrage.

Our crack legal team was so filled with anger they worked around the clock. Finally, churning out an 800 page brief. It was a 200,000 word work of art, conveying the outrage, and indignity suffered since the dawn of organized sports. Covering the terrible victimization of kids who always got picked last for the kick ball team, young men humiliated by their inability to hit a softball, bowlers who could never crack 100, and golfers who could never crack 100 going the other direction.

It addressed the income inequality of the "super athletes" making presidential campaign money, and the average guy busting his hump carrying rocks from one end of the quarry to the other. Sure, being born with an ungodly amount of talent, and working tirelessly to develop the skills should count for something, but this has gone too far.

We demanded justice, our client should be allowed to participate at Wimbledon, if that is her wish. Kids who can't dribble, make a lay-up or turn around without falling over should not be excluded from the fame and riches of the NBA, if that is their dream. Skating should not be a requirement to play in the NHL. Too long have people longed for stardom and riches in this tilted, slanted unfair world.

Unfortunately, the judge said 800 pages, and 200,000 words was too long, and not really brief at all. If we wanted him to consider the case we should make it "a little more brief and a lot less lengthy."

Back to the drawing board. But, our indignation has not wavered, nor has our desire for a little of the gold handed out so easily by the managing entities of professional sports. Nothing a pair of scissors can't fix.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Fishing, it is not for everybody, or maybe anybody.

Saturday, round two, us against the fish. And we answered the bell. Armed with a PDF map of the reservoir, a youtube video explaining the optimal knot for attaching a lure, and the hopes and dreams of untold generations of ancestors. Ancestors who braved the elements to provide sustenance for their family. Ancestors who carried a cooler with a couple of ice cold bottles of water, Dasani or Aqua Fina, our ancestors would never settle for store brands. On top of the bottled water was blue ice, pioneered by hard working ancestors to keep their bottled water cold, ingenious people our ancestors.

Of course, no fishing trip would be complete without some snacks on top of the magical blue ice and its mystical properties of coolness. We took Gold Fish crackers, just to spite the fish, and of course a small bag of bite sized Oreo's, for dessert, dessert is so important.

After carefully choosing our starting spot, we parked the car, (after driving through a mud puddle, which is fine, I have four wheel drive vehicle, it was kind of an accident, I picked out a car with the features I wanted (blue tooth, so I don't have to listen to the radio, or plug in my phone) and it happened to be four wheel drive, so mud puddles don't scare me, very much) and hiked down to the shore, which was a lot closer than it should have been.  Due to the above average rainfall the lake was at an above average height, or depth, or however it is said.  We fished for a while but there was little room for casting, standing or us.

We hopped in the car, locked in the 4 wheel drive (just kidding, we were right by the highway) and moved on to the next place. It was near a bridge, and it looked promising. It had a wide bay on one side of the bridge, the shore was lined with giant rocks, to prevent erosion. Which should make excellent cover for fish, who want to hide, dart out grab a quick bite and duck back undercover (kind of like people who have spent the evening drinking and want a burrito before going home).  At least that was my theory, and since it was the only theory we had it seemed wise.

Unfortunately, the bay was wide and to keep people safe, even people with 4 wheel drive, the road was lined with a guard rail, and parking was waaaayyyy down at the end. But, that never stopped our hungry, determined ancestors, or us. We got out, grabbed our poles, tackle and cooler and we were off.  There was a narrow path through what appeared to be an ancient rain forest, filled with ticks carrying terrible, potentially lethal illness, so we opted to walk the miles down the side of the road back to the rocks.

Once there, after about 2 hours, we scrambled down the rocks, which is as close to death as I ever want to get. We stood there, under the withering rays of the sun, baking, casting, retrieving, sweating, and cursing the enemy, the fish. Oh, they were out there, we saw them jumping, and heard their insults. "Hey, mammal, you look warm, and sweaty, and kind of stupid."

We fished and we had fun and we some cold water and we will be back, fish. Next time will be different, we will have some cans of pop, or soda, or cola, (you choose) with our water, and you will not be so lucky.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Troubles in the Deep South.

In the newspaper today there was a list of presidential candidates and the amount of money each had raised. It was an obscene, embarrassing amount of money. More money than most of us even knew existed. It was very troubling, and we should talk about how much it cost to purchase an elected official.  But there is something more troubling. Apparently, there are giant centipedes in Texas.

Yes, everything is bigger in Texas, and it is a source of pride. However, this is probably getting a little carried away. According to reports the terribly big, probably lightning quick, monster is not a real threat to humans. The bite will be more of a sting that causes swelling than a deadly, debilitating, rapidly accelerating venom induced death spiral. 

There is no confirmation but, our crack team of Life Explained investigators report that this huge, terrifying beast uses an alternate method to stalk humans. It scares people to death. Fortunately, we did not lose any reporters to this menace. Mostly because they reported from their homes, in the basement, behind closed doors, under the pool table, covered by a tarp.

Thank you, fearless investigative reporters. You have the gratitude of an adoring nation.

We would like to take this opportunity to add that Dr. Dawg has accepted no campaign contributions (not yet, anyway, wouldn't you like to be the first?). And, if elected he promises to make all the giant centipedes wear bells, trying sneaking up on someone and scaring the bejesus out of them sounding like a department store Santa Claus.

Here is the latest campaign video. If you have a special interest group you would like us to pander to just drop us a line. There are plenty of people who feel they are being ignored by the major party candidates, those are all people, our folks.


Friday, July 10, 2015

Help Wanted, desperately, or desperate help, anyway.

Life Explained is hiring. We need a group of product testers. Fearless people who enjoy taking risks, and trying new things. A group of adventurers who love a challenge, and are not bothered by small spaces, large, open areas, heights, or ocean depths. A cadre of dedicated professionals with no family, and very little to live for.

We have decided it is time to design, build and test a device that will reduce people to a beam of energy, and shoot them across the ocean to another device that reconstitute the energy into a person, in more or less the same configuration. We are pretty sure.

Since we all know that flying is probably the worst form of transportation, except for riding on a boat, it is time to find alternatives. Until now if a person wanted to go to Europe they had to risk climbing into an elongated aluminum tube and hurtle through the air, over dangerous, dark, predator filled water, with nothing to comfort them except a brief explanation of the proper procedure to follow after a "water landing." Or, climb on huge, metal container and hope that somehow the laws of displacement and buoyancy hold true, curse you Archimedes. What better way than matter dispersal and reconfiguration. 

We are fairly confident the bugs will be insignificant. It will probably be mostly hair color, and possibly height, and depth, and perhaps width, we can't be too sure.  But, rest assured you will be reassembled, fairly accurately, at the other end.

If you have tattoos you are not happy with this is the perfect job for you. They will probably change, move some place new, and could even end up on someone else, we think.

This could, possibly, be a great way to remove warts, maybe, we think. It is still kind of early, and we don't want to get your hopes up, but you could end up looking really great.

A sense of overwhelming despair, and hopelessness is not required, but probably not a bad idea, either. Oh, by the way, this could cure depression, maybe.

If you are a trend setter, with a cavalier, devil may care attitude, and have no pets, or family that will miss you, and possibly hire a lawyer in the unlikely event things take an unexpected twist send your resume. If you're kind of a drifter with no ties, or friends of any kind, even better.  No experience required.

Life Explained, an equal opportunity employer.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Thursday, and there is so much to do.

Since it is Thursday it is time to start planning our weekend expedition.  Careful planning insures a successful fishing trip. People don't plan to fail, they fail to plan, after all. Starting with the all knowing, all seeing, all powerful fisherman's friend, the internet, it was a simple matter to find that the lake that seemed so barren so desolate, so lifeless last week actually has fish. It seems that fish are routinely taken out of the muddy, smelly water. Huh, go figure. But, according to the modern Oracle of Delphi, the world wide web, there is a great fishing spot less than a mile north of our last location.  Great.

Step 1, find a new spot, check.

Fishing is like riding a bicycle, you don't forget how, but it takes a while to get comfortable enough to ride in traffic. Fishing is like that, without the likelihood of being run over, or coasting into a tree. Thrill seekers, don't despair. If you are a little careless there is always the possibility of falling into the lake. Since it is fairly shallow by the shore drowning is probably not a concern, and since it is hundreds of miles from the ocean there are probably no sharks, but it is filthy lake water, teeming with bacteria, and industrial contaminants so there is enough risk to keep a daredevil happy.

Step 2, add some intrigue. check.

It is the wilderness, so wildlife is present. Bears, wolves, wild boars, monstrous constricting snakes, huge venomous spiders, none of those are present here in the environs of our medium sized city in the midwest. But, mosquitoes are awful things, and there are going to be some of them. Bees are always a possibility, so it is best to lather yourself up with some reeking, repulsive goo that even insects can't stand. We have some.  There are skunks, raccoons, and non venomous but still sneaky, and startling snakes and plenty of spiders. No matter how harmless a snake is finding one blocking your path to the car is always a nasty surprise. It is best to have a backup route to the car. Fortunately, it is not far, and there are several routes from the shore to the car.

Step 3, find convenient escape route, and check supply of insect repellent, check.

No fishing trip is complete without a supply of snacks.  A sad fact that dawned on me during our first fishing trip, which was last weekend. We had no snacks. Oh, sure we packed in some water, and a few cans of Dr. Pepper*



Step 4. Make a list of all the important list of important stuff for fishing. check.

Fishing is easy if you have a plan, and stick to the steps.

By the way, check out the new logo, it has a spider, and a scared person running in terror, which kind of explains life. If you love it, you should tell +S. Bradley Stoner , he suggested using a spider.  If you are not so crazy about it, don't worry, there are more logos coming down the pipe, or sluice or whatever the appropriate symbol for creative process would be.

Oh, and here is a still from the new movie "Revenge of the Life Explained Jedis Strike Back."**  Coming to a theater near you soon. Unless you are one of them there art snob types, in which case it will be coming to theatre near you soon.

*This is not an endorsement, I am not a paid spokesperson (but I am for sale, if you are interested Dr. Pepper, do you mind if I just call you Doc?) it is just difficult to know whether to use "pop" or "soda." "Soft drinks" just doesn't carry enough weight for a such a masculine, primal thing as a fishing trip into the wild.

** Actually, this is a selfie made with the new "Star Wars" app, Available on the iTunes App Store, and Google Play.  I will have a full review if I ever take the time to do anything except take some goofy looking pictures.  Really, though, isn't that enough.



Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Life Explained, the musical

We, here at life explained, are so excited about the search for a new logo. This has really sparked enthusiasm around here. We decided to make a movie.  Not just a movie, mind you, a musical.  Our first attempt did not go so well, but that leaves plenty of room for improvement, right?



Please check out the new logo, and the brief clip of "Tidal Wave" by  Dick Dale, (King of the Surf Guitar).  But, don't worry about the guy running across the screen, he was just a "grip" whatever that is, we have a lot of them.  Oh, and don't worry about the giant spider, we think we have him trapped at the corner of 4th and Grant.  But, nobody wants to go inside the Clyson Deli and look.  We will probably just wait outside until the owners show up for the breakfast shift tomorrow morning.

Don't forget to check out the potential new logo, as soon as we can figure out how there will be a poll to decide which one is best, or least bad, anyway.

Tune in tomorrow, when we discuss the best way to burn down a building with a giant, venomous spider inside.

Another day, another candidate

Ohio Governor John Kasich is kind of announced he is going to announce his candidacy for the Presidency on July 21st. No real surprise there, almost everybody in the country, except Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, is campaigning for the Republican nomination. Mr. Kasich's announcement may come as a surprise to the rest of the country, but in Ohio everybody knows, the press is reporting on the coming event regularly.

Governor Kasich's intentions are probably widely known.  It seems the only thing elected officials can keep secret are the myriad additions to spending bills and budgets. Additionally, the man has been traveling to Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina. All of these are probably wonderful places to visit, but the coincidence is too enormous to overlook.

Which begs the question, why wait to make his announcement, is this an attempt to make a flashy entrance by being fashionably late? If everybody who pays attention already knows what advantage can be gained from waiting? Isn't he afraid all of the good sources of monetary contribution will be taken? 

Honestly, how much money can be left? Look at the fund raising figures for the real candidates, it is incredible. Running for president can be like a license to print money. Or more accurately, like a license to have other people print money and hand it over, in heaping piles. Most people can't even understand the wealth raised and spent during a presidential election cycle. I can't, anyway.

According to reports any candidate who wants to be taken seriously will need to raise over 100 million dollars. That is a lot of coin, friend. If I were walking down the street and found a $20.00 bill that would be a big thing, I would feel pretty lucky.  This is like they walked down the street and found a $20.00 bill 5 million times. How lucky is that? and this does not even include Super PACs, and all of the Inferior PACs, who have a little cash, too.


What do they do with all of that money? A lot of it is spent attempting to convince voters that a chosen candidate, no matter what anybody else has to say, is the least objectionable. "Make no mistake, you might be sorry if you vote for our guy, but not as sorry as you could be, if you catch our drift." 

In a way it is similar to the old "protection" scheme made popular by television depictions of organized crime. "Accidents happen, we just want to minimize your risk." Or maybe it is like insurance, I will think about it and let you know.

Anyway, John Kasich is no fool when it comes to politics, I'm afraid that job is left to the voters. He has a plan, and it involves money, huge piles of money. Most of it used to belong to someone else. But, when he announces, please act surprised, even Governors have feelings, you know.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Monday, time to get serious.

Monday, the day that starts the week. It is time to roll up the sleeves, and get to work. Shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone, and all.  Though, most of us no longer have to put our shoulder to a wheel, wheel turning is probably almost completely automated these days. What kind of job requires an associate to put his nose to a grindstone, though? That sounds awful! There must be an amazing compensation package for anybody to accept that position. It has to be a very short career.

Anyway, the work week is here, and it is time to start getting serious, no more messing around.  In the words of David Byrne of the Talking Heads;

"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco,
This ain't no fooling around,
No time for dancin' or lovey dovey,
I ain't got time for that now."

Now is the time to start planning for next weekend.  There are only five days left, and you can't waste a minute. Before you know it Saturday will be here, and you will be adrift in a weekend without an itinerary, or as we, here at Life Explained, like to say, "up relaxation creek without a paddle, like an idiot," or something like that.

Time is wasting, man, (here, I am using the term "man" as a neutral, all inclusive designation that encompassing all people, men, women, aliens, supernatural beings, anybody who needs to start thinking about the coming weekend) you don't want to get left behind. Put down the phone, drop the pen, let go of the mouse, or keyboard, or pen like stylus, and start thinking about the glory that awaits in only 4 days 4 hours, 17 minutes, and 29 seconds, approximately.

One thing on which most relaxation experts, and we have a whole staff of them, agree, "don't try to take on too much on the weekend," Try to keep it simple, something achievable, something that will allow the building of self esteem, like watching a movie on television.  Plan a little break in there, so you are not overwhelmed, you're not superman, after all.  Safety first, that is our motto.


Sunday, July 5, 2015

Independence Day, and Safety, for the Fish, Anyway.

Yesterday was the 4th of July, and we celebrated by having our internet access and cable television restored. We had been independent, on and off, (sometimes it would work, and sometimes it wouldn't) for the last week of both. It seems there is always advice on the wisdom of unplugging, and we have conducted an unintentional experiment.  It was not terrible, but it was not liberating either. In the interest of honesty it should be noted we still had iPhones and internet at work.  So it was not complete isolation.  But, it is up and running again, thank you gods of technology.

Also, we were independent of fish. Which is not unusual, we spend most of our life independent of fish. What made it spectacular is the fact that we bought fishing gear, and tackle, and fishing licences, and went in search of the wily, elusive beasts. But, they managed to outsmart us, and gave us the slip.

This comes as no surprise, of course, I used to fish all the time, and fish have outmaneuvered me at every turn. But, it is was about the chase, the sport, the game.  Fishing is something I do, catching fish is not.

But, my son talked me into fishing with him.  Friday we headed over to the outdoor sporting goods mega store.  Several dollars later we walked away with new rods, reels, lures, and hope (which does spring eternal, by the way).

On the way home we scouted a few good locations, tramping through a soggy forest in the rain. You need to sacrifice to achieve success. Since the internet was working, temporarily when we got home, and our state has an online option we got our fishing license emailed to us, and we were ready.

Saturday was bright, warm and perfect for fishing.  Off we went, after a while, no point in being a damned fool about it, anyway. Bottles of water, and cold Dr. Pepper, and the adventure was joined.

Fishing is not a particularly complicated activity, but, there is a technique involved, a technique we need to master. We tangled a lot of fishing line, and had to cut it off our reels. Here is a fishing tip, take a sharp knife and bandages.  It is probably a good idea to take some hand wipes and a few snacks, as well. There is a lot a fisherman has to remember.

So, we fished for several hours, and we carried all of our trash out, and disposed of it properly. We cut away line and we lost a lure, we walked away laughing. And that means it was worth every cent.

Here is a little warning to all of the fish in the area.  You can run and you can hide and you can swim right up to the bank and laugh in my face, but I am coming for you. Just kidding, your are safe. Snacks and soft drinks you might be in trouble.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Three Day Weekend, Four Day Workweek, Is This Heaven?

Today is Wednesday, always a good day. Halfway through the week, downhill and cruising. But, this Wednesday has almost enormous implications. We, here at Life Explained, have a 3 day weekend, that begins on Friday, so it is only a four day work week, and a three day weekend. We can barely control ourselves.

Saturday is the 4th of July, when America celebrates Independence from those tyrannical British*, and all of their delicious beer, and fish and chips, which are really just french fries. Britain and France have had a long history of conflict and refuse to give each other any credit, for anything. So, no french fries in England, no english muffins in France, it is kind of sad, really. They are separated only by the English Channel (the French Channel in France).** This is not really important, though, well it is important, don't take that the wrong way, we want our European friends to have good relations, we want everybody to get along, is that asking too much?!?!?

Anyway, we are gearing up to celebrate our independence. And, we are going to spend three days doing it. Which makes us feel very independent, indeed.

Here is the problem, so many people here, at Life Explained, are so excited about the coming three day weekend, that nothing is getting done. People have become "liberated" from their responsibilities.  Right now, several people are standing around the espresso machine comparing baked beans and coleslaw recipes. Technically, that is not part of their jobs, probably, the new self written job descriptions have were an awful idea. We may have to look carefully at eliminating those.

And the emails are starting to flourish and grow already, "I will be working from home today," "I am working off site today and tomorrow," or one of our favorites "I am here at work, if you don't see me, I am probably using the restroom, or down in the lab, or maybe getting a cup of that delicious, work coffee, but trust me I am there here, I mean."

Obviously, we take Independence Day very seriously. Of course we take Memorial Day, and Labor Day, and any three day weekend pretty seriously. We work hard, we play hard, and sometimes, like the days leading up to three day weekend we mix the two pretty vigorously.

Above is round two of the new logo search, please say nice things, lie if you have must.

* Just kidding, we like British people, we have a lot of British rock and roll on our iPhone.

**I just made that up, they get along fairly well, as far as I know.  Hey, I like you both.