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Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Horoscopes r' us


Astrology for Dummies        

Today's birthday belongs to Pisces, ruling planet, Neptune, ruling house 12th. If you are a Pisces you are smart, creative and deeply intuitive. You have an inherent understanding of the feelings and situations, to many people you almost seem psychic. 

If today is your birthday, that's too bad, Mercury is in retrograde. This has caused many of your co-workers to be abnormally hostile, suspicious, and walking close to the edge.

They are secretly talking about how nosy you are, always snooping around in their private affairs. How you almost seem to know personal things. Many of them believe you know intimate, embarrassing things about their private lives. And it's really starting to piss them off.

Janet, that new girl in accounting, is worried you might know about the affair she has been having with Phil, the lead person in the maintenance shed. She is talking to Phil, right now, about cutting the brakelines on your car. In a way, you're lucky Phil is so incompetent. He will end up cutting the lines on your windshield wiper fluid, and you'll have dirty windows, but at least your car will stop.

Bobby, from the art department is sure you know about the candy bar he took from the honor box in the breakroom, He's going to put his dollar in as soon as he can afford it, but those new vaporizer cartridges cost a fortune, so much so he actually considered going back to cigarettes. That's not cheap, either, though. Besides, everybody looks down on cigarette smokers, vapers still have some time before they are ostracized, timing is everything. Besides, the apple pie, whipped cream, caramel canister is so good. His guilt has become so unendurable he will put two dollars in the box, at lunch time. He will blame you, and his anger will turn to rage, eventually growing into bitter hate. He will steal your lunch to exact his revenge, and today you had left over enchiladas with green sauce. People in the art department will be so impressed many of your future lunches will almost certainly vanish. You should probably stop writing your name on your lunch bag.

Everybody is angry, a lot of them blame you. Now would be a good time to ask for a raise. You won't get it but, it will make your sense of self-doubt and insignificance complete. Your calcium level is at an all-time low, and your bone density is... well let's just say it's not a good time to take up sky diving. 

Don't worry, though, tomorrow is looking better, it couldn't get any worse.