History Explained, Part 1. Not Part 1 of History, though.

Eight months ago I had my yearly appointment with my doctor.  He is a very nice man, normally, and he takes pretty good care of my whole family.  But, he was a little upset about elevated cholesterol, and a few extra pounds.  After hearing my admission that taking my medicine was not high on my list of priorities, he was was stern.

Telling me about the risks associated with the things he felt I was ignoring, he went on, at length.  I sat, on that examination table, looking at my feet, being scolded, criticized, and feeling ashamed.  One by one he detailed my risks, as I looked around the small room, thinking of escape, there were posters, and signs about insurance, and co-pays, and the need to use the proper code for a visit.  Apparently, this doctors office would not call a procedure an emergency, to save a patient from having to meet a deductible, or call a cold a chronic illness.  There was nothing about humiliation anywhere, I hoped our insurance covered disgrace.

I was soft, and he was right, I had no discipline, too lazy even to get up and take my medicine, it was embarrassing, and I vowed to do something about it.  Oatmeal for breakfast, medicine every night, fruit and vegetables constantly.  It was a start.

Then, my wife told me they had opened the gym at the school where she works to spouses.  It was a ticket to redemption.  Going three times a week, and feeling good about myself.  My body is shaping up, and thanks to the miracle of podcasts, so was my mind.  I have been diving into history podcasts with the enthusiasm of an evangelist called to witness, and each episode makes me hungry for more, and each workout makes me want to push myself a little harder next time.  In four months I will march into the doctors office a changed man.

So, here is the first installment of History at the Gym.

"After us the people of our race will wear garments of gold.  They will eat sweet, greasy food, ride splendid corsairs, hold in their arms the loveliest of women.  And they will forget they owe these things to us."  Genghis Khan.

Genghis Khan was born into war, at least into a endless battle to stay alive.  He lived his life in a constant state of arms, and conquest.  And, though, the Mongols had no written history at the time there was certainly stories told about ancestors who had unified the nomadic tribes, and swept down with a vengeance on the sedentary people, smashing, destroying, a force of unbelievable ferocity, only to be seduced by the eases and comfort of genteel society.   Genghis Khan probably understood the peril that faced his descendants was more insidious than destructive.  A gradual softening, a process of assimilation, and he probably understand how powerless he was against this irresistible force.

But, that was not a problem when he invaded The Western Xia Dynasty.  Leading his forces through a complete destruction of the Northern Portion of the Xi Xia.  Mongol intelligence gathering was phenomenal, and Genghis Khan was an expert at using the internal strife of his enemies to drive them apart.  This may have been a common tactic among Steppe nomads, but it was certainly a strength of Genghis Khan.

Knowing well that the Tanguts, and Jurchen tribes would not support each other, and that the ethnic Chinese did not care for either tribe, Khan drove through the Tanguts, leaving cities destroyed, and the landscape riddled with destruction.  It was a complete rout, and the Tanguts were powerless against the highly mobile, disciplined Mongol army.

After sieging the fortress at Kiemen, (a heavily fortified, well provisioned garrison guarding the only pass through the Helan mountains) the Mongols were unable to breach the defenses.  One of the most widely used tactics of the Mongol army was the feigned retreat.  It seemed to work almost every time, even when it was known in advance.  Perhaps there is a mentality in a fighting unit that forces them to pursue a retreating foe, an uncontrollable instinct to destroy, that will not allow any discretionary behavior.  And, it worked superbly.  The army of approximately 120,000 men flowed from the fortress, and were slaughtered (a fairly common result).

Finally, slowed by the walled capitol city, Ke-wo-luo-hai, the Khan's army began a siege.  Steppe nomads historically had trouble with walled, fortified cities, and Khan's army was no different, at this early point.  Using the slaves captured in the campaign they began to dam the Yellow river.  Damming a river is dangerous and difficult, and it did not work as planned.  The water flooded the Mongol camp, and they were forced to move to higher ground.  But, the Tanguts, knowing that the enemy facing them was not simply raiding, and was an threat to their very existence, most of their empire had been destroyed, and the Jurchen were not coming to help so they felt it prudent to negotiate.  

They gave gold, silver, silk, and all sorts of good stuff to the Mongols, and promised to be at their beck and call.  A promise they later reneged on, which turned out to be a hideous mistake. 

So, the Mongols have installed a buffer between themselves and the Jin Dynasty, received a lot of good stuff,  And created a lot of problems, killed a lot of people and went back to plan, and learn.  That is what they did.  Genghis Khan probably never learned to read, but he knew how to learn, and he could lead.  And he was just getting started.

Tonight, we have the treadmill, an added 15 pounds to each of the resistance machines and the campaign against the Jin Dynasty.

Life Explained Explains History (at least the interesting bits).

Our weekend was big, too big to explain in something so finite as a blog post.  So we are going to examine the history of the world.  Well, not the whole world, that would take a while, and we don't have that much time.  We will settle for the more readable (maybe) portion of world history that involves human beings...

Research indicates that might be a little ambitious for a single entry in a humble blog, so we have decided to write a post about the times when humans were at war, or actively involved in empire building, regime change, or in some state of conflict with their geographic neighbors...

Since that seems to cover most of the history of the human existence, we are going to need to make this a series of blog posts.  A string of thoughtfully researched, carefully written lessons in the history of mankind.   Well, maybe not too carefully researched, or thoughtful.  But, since this is coming to you as a free service, from your friends, here at Life Explained what do you have to lose?  Besides a few minutes of your time, your patience, and any belief you had in the inherent decency of humanity.

 Documenting the never ending attempts of mankind to subjugate, enslave and control his fellow man is not an easy task, and it probably has already been done, several times, but we have never been one to back away from a challenge, at least not an easy challenge.  When things start getting difficult, well you know the old saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going," and so do we, as far, and as fast as possible, to someplace much easier.  But reading, listening, and interpreting a few facts is probably simple enough, and if it gets too hard we will just quit.

To make this one stand out, and stick in your memory we are going to add pictures depicting...  Wait, we were just informed people have been adding pictures to history lessons fro years to make it more interesting.

Not to scale.

Ok, we will add our efforts at exercise and self improvement to add a unique touch to the history of the world.  Which seems only right.  While exercising we listen to history podcasts, piquing our interest in a subject.  After leaving the gym we go over to the library (which is conveniently located just feet from the gym, (about 500 feet, but still convenient)) for books about the subject of the podcast.  A truly addictive circle we admit.  And now, we are dragging you into this.   We are sorry.

We will start with Genghis Khan, and his incursions into the Western Xia Dynasty of China.   It was his first real invasion, and provided many lessons.  The Mongol army was not much for book learning, but they adapted quickly, "enlisted" skilled local people to assist, and were almost supernatural in their ability gather and interpret 

So, buckle in, grab a coffee, or tea, or wine, beer or bourbon, depending on your taste, and get ready for tomorrow, and the first part of our history of the world.   There is a lot to cover, we are already behind, (history just keeps piling up everywhere we look) and there will be a test.

Workout # 3, Another Step in a Long Walk

Yesterday was day three at the gym.  It was my first feeble attempt at circuit training.  Unfortunately, when I got there my treadmill was taken, it isn't technically mine, it is just the one I used on my first two visits.  And, here it was, working someone else's lungs to the point of exploding.  Without even glancing at me as I walked through the door.  It was with a heavy heart that I moved to an exercise bike.

I turned on "Genghis Khan" from the "In Our Time Archive: History."  A podcast from BBC Radio 4.  Sitting down I started peddling and listening to the articulate, measured British voices talk about the bloodthirsty ruler.

An exercise bike is a unique machine, it has buttons that control levels of difficulty, and buttons that have cryptic labels, "Calorie Burn," and "Hills."  I tried all of them.  Some of them had immediate and obvious effects, and some of them seemed to do nothing.  There was a fan button, and it turned on a fan.  I used that.

 I did "interval training."  Raising my heart rate, and then slowing down, and then starting over again.  Until my legs hurt, and my breath was ragged, but, I kept working.  It was rewarding.

Moving from "Interval Training," to "Circuit Training," was made difficult by the addition of a meddlesome woman, moving from machine to machine.  Similar to a bee, flitting from flower to flower, never stopping, never landing, just staying in each place long enough to be in the way.

Here is the odd part, it was the same woman who was using "my treadmill."  Well, not technically my treadmill, but she was the one who started my session so poorly.  Now she was trying to ruin the end, too.

Being a keen observer of human nature and patterns it was not difficult to notice that she would use a machine for the briefest time, buzz over to the non toxic orange based cleaner, and flit back to the machine.  She would spend minutes disinfecting the machine, seat, handles, arm rests, any part th9at she may have had contact with.  She worked much harder cleaning than exercising.  Exercise is exercise, though, and she was exercising, and the machines sparkled.

Waiting, and watching, an ambush predator, the Eastern Green Mamba of the small, private gym.  As soon as she made her move toward the spray bottle, and small damp towel, I leaped on a machine and started pulling the handles back, like a mania.  After reading the instructions, and adjusting the weight,  of course.   I am not sure what the machine was called, but it worked my shoulders, and back and felt good.

Meanwhile, the treadmill interloper hovered relentlessly, bottle in one hand, towel in the other.  Cleaning the machines on either side, you could hear the high pitched buzzing, and sense the anger.  Through my earbuds came the story of Temujin, whose Father was poisoned by the Tatars, after which he was abandoned on the steppes, a harsh, forbidding place.  It was a rough way to start life.

His family was attacked and his wife was kidnapped.  He survived, and formed a kinship with other nomads of the Steppe, and eventually avenged the attack on his family, liberated his wife, and stomped the livin' bejesus out of the people who made the mistake of attacking him.  He grew up to have the largest contiguous empire in history.

And, I thought, what would the Mighty Khan do if he were being kept from working out by a germaphobe with a bottle of cleaner, a small towel smelling of slightly rotted citrus?   Would the Flail of God wait patiently to use the Lat Pull Down machine?  Would he have used an exercise bike if someone else was using his treadmill?   Would the conqueror of most of China and the Middle East wait patiently, sipping water, and pretending to catch his breath when he wanted to work his deltoids?

Probably not, from what I understand he was not very patient, or understanding.  Mostly, he seems to have been a man of action.  But, I waited, and I worked my shoulders, I don't know which parts or muscles, or any of the technical stuff, but it felt good.  I will go back, Monday.  Genghis Khan and I are not the type to give up.

Great vacations, an historical perspective.

To appease the demons of Mid Life Crisis I have decided to tackle a new career.  At first I was going to buy a sports car, but couldn't make up my mind between the Toyota Prius, and the Ford Fiesta.  Hey, MPG has to count for something.  Motorcycles, and parachuting, and white water rapid rafting, and gator wrestling, and bull riding, and all of those things that are potentially very painful are out of the question.  So, a new career is a good choice.  

Here is the beautiful bit, I can start this new career, which pays absolutely nothing right now, while keeping my current position which pays me pretty well.  The best of both worlds.

I have decided to become a historian, :"a student or writer of history."  It is a great field to get into, because there is so much history, and it seems to go on forever, literally, there are books, and more books, whole shelves filled with books, just dedicated to the past.  Plus, it offers a unique opportunity to attempt to explain life, and that is why I started this blog in the first place, so long ago.  

One week from today I will be on vacation, and recently I found out the writer of one of the best blogs around Mike Raven from The Blog of Thog will be on vacation even sooner so it only makes sense (to me, anyway) to take the angle of Vacation Historian, everybody needs a fresh angle, right?

Genghis Khan visits China.

It was around the year 1207, and the Steppes were beginning to close in on the Great Khan and his people. It was decided that they would pack up, take a little trip, things were going well at home, and visiting China to the south might be nice.  

At the time China was one of the worlds most advanced empires, and had wonderful shops filled with fantastic clothes, entertainment, food, and culture, What well armed, nomadic Mongol army wouldn't love to vacation there.

After trekking across vast plains that seemed to merge into one great, endless, infinite expanse of unchanging, monotonous, landscape, with thousands of kids all saying "are we there yet?" "can we stop so I can go to the bathroom?" "why is he touching me? stop touching me."  The mighty Khan had just about had enough.

Stopping for a bite to eat, "I will take a Kung Pao chicken, two egg rolls, and a Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi OK?"

That was more than the Khan could bear.  "Do you think the Flail of God has endured these many, endless days of childish bickering, exorbitant prices, hours and hours in the saddle to settle for Pepsi?"  And the problems began. 

Tomorrow we will discuss Attila's Quest for The Perfect Italian Bistro.