Mother's Day Memories.

"Oh the tree of Life is growing
Where the spirit never dies
And the bright light of salvation
In the dark and empty skies."

Death Is Not The End,

Bob Dylan

Today is Mother's Day. My mother passed away sometime ago. So did my Aunt who was so much like a Mother to my family that my sons called her Grandma Pat. And my Mother in Law left this place of wrath and tears before either of them. They are all missed.

 I am not even sure how many years it has been. Years don't mean much when you talk about the people who are gone. The passage is measured more precisely in minutes, seconds, brief flashes of thought. "I should call Mom and Pat and tell them about this." In an instant you realize that is not possible. Measured in the second your wife reaches for the scissors to cut an article out of the paper that her Mother would enjoy, and stops her hand hanging in the air for a second, and then returning haltingly to her lap. Those are the true measures of time when talking about lost loved ones.

I can't speak of the afterlife, or the greater reward waiting on the other side. It is the memories of visits, and vacations, and time spent crammed into my Mother's small apartment. She was thrilled to have such an unruly mob, wandering the hallway between her and my Aunt's apartment. Mom and Pat would try to sneak off for a peaceful cigarette, and a quiet cup of coffee in the other set of rooms. Our kids sensing the freedom offered by two Grandmas would disappear and magically pop up in the apartment where we weren't. Cigarettes quickly snuffed, glasses of cola delivered and television remote surrendered. Heaven for children, and Grandmas alike.

I can't talk about heavenly reunions, or pearly gates, but I can talk about my Wife's Mother taking the kids and teaching them to play cards, Uno, or something similar, while my Wife and I were on kitchen duty, "Oh, Tim, I could use a coffee." "Hey, dad, bring me a pop." "Run and get some donuts, would you?" Later, when she was in assisted living, she would take them to bingo. Children are gold in a nursing home, two visiting celebrities, come to play bingo, and they ate it up.

Those are the measurements that are important, the sense of loss, and the beautiful memories. So, to my Mother in Law, my Mother, my Aunt Pat, I salute you, the love, and patience you gave so freely, and the memories you left so generously. And to all the lost, loved Moms, Grandmas, Aunts, I salute you and those you left behind. You will never be forgotten.

Hurry, this is a limited time offer.

In an embarrassing effort to make an easy, fast dollar we, here at Life Explained, have decided to auction off dates with several key members of the "executive council."* Things are a little tight since we launched our new Android operating system.

Turns out an "operating system," is not really designed to perform surgery. Wow, that was embarrassing, and expensive. People don't like big, clumsy robots taking out their tonsils, and some sundry, mostly unnecessary tissue, and parts in the very near area. They are particularly upset if they are there to have their teeth cleaned. Wow, do they get mad.

That is not really important, though. What is important is just in time for the holidays we have launched "date a difference maker." Don't know what to get Grandma for Christmas how about a dream date with Dr. Dawg? Or Bob from accounting, or Bob from R and D?

Don't have a date for the company holiday party, don't despair, "rent a successful person" is here. For a limited time we will auction off an evening of dance, drink, delightful conversation, and impressive credentials.

Look, whatever your needs for the coming season of festivity, it will be so much better with some daring, dashing, darling of industry, and innovation doting over you as your envious family watches, seething with bitter resentment. Nothing says holidays with the family like insane jealousy, are we right.

Legal note: beautiful scenery extra, not all dates are actually "dream dates" in fact some may be very dull. Impressive credentials are open to interpretation, just try to get your lawyer to prove that we are not impressed. Go Karts, bungee jumping, white water rafting, hang gliding, parasailing, any kind of sailing, really, anything that requires flying, or driving fast and pinball are not allowed, due to the extreme danger, also no girl movies, what do you think they are, a bunch of sissies?


*Not really an executive council, but several of the "people" who have been here the longest, and seem to have more going on upstairs, at least when it comes to keeping a job for a while. Not that people who haven't been here that long aren't important to our success, they are. But, we had to pick somebody to auction off, and since the people who have been here the longest were at the meeting when we decided to raise money they decided they were the best looking, not that we feel appearance is the best method of finding a date, not that we don't think appearance is important, we do, just not the only factor... never mind, it isn't that important.

Happy Birthday, Mom*

I would like to do something a little different today. It is my Mother's birthday, or it would be if she were still alive. I am not really sure how old she would have been, or exactly how many years ago she passed away. It seems like a hundred years ago, and it seems like yesterday. Memories and regrets don't understand the passage of time.

She was a remarkable woman in many ways. having a robust sense of humor and an almost infinite capacity for forgiveness. Both of which her only son tested often, and severely. I thank the heavens almost everyday that my sons are better children than I was. And even more often wish I had been better.

Every year vacation would be spent visiting "the Grandmas," my mom, my aunt (who was really like Mom 2), and my wife's mom. Now they are all gone and memories, a few pictures and some stories are all that remain. Unfortunately for anybody who has made it this far you are about to read a few.

She was born and raised in hard times, and in many ways never really managed to escape. But, she never used that as an excuse to stop trying, or complain about her fate. She worked until she couldn't. And it never bothered her.

We would take my Mom to visit people. It was only a couple of hours, and she enjoyed the trip, or at least pretended to. And I know she loved to see the people. These were her past, her family, and her connection to her long departed husband. Whose passing weighed on her almost daily.

Looking back, it is certain she had fun, and everybody enjoyed seeing her, too. It was a joy watching my family having such a good time. My Uncle Kenny (married to my dads sister) always teased her about being younger than she was, and he was, by a whole day. His birthday is tomorrow.

She was proud, and wanted to pay her way. One time she wanted to pay for breakfast, and headed
toward the register, my cousin Rick took chase. A waitress, almost a perfect fit for a small cafe in a small town in the west, said, "he's going to catch you." She picked up the pace and managed to pay.

We would see her brothers Joe and Matt (the twins) on the way through. It was just for a cup of coffee, maybe a light lunch, but the connection was immediate, and wonderful. Life's simple pleasures can be the best. Why does that always take so long to learn?

She suffered through a degenerative eye disease, and her doctor told her she should quit smoking. She did, though she complained bitterly I think she was always proud of the feat, a woman in her eighties, who had smoked for 60 years and she quit. Of course, she had enough fight in her that she made my little sister promise to tell everybody that quitting smoking is what killed her. She never lost her sense of humor, or irony.

A double mastectomy, also in her eighties, hardly slowed her down. She spent the night, and the next at the hospital, but on the second day, she got up, made her bed, and called my sister to come get her, because I was too slow. "People were looking at me." Yes, mom, you had your time in the sun, after major surgery, now stop eating all their broth, clean up your mess, and get out.

When we went to check on her after she went home she was having difficulty with some of the post operation hygiene, and it was more than I could handle, I rushed to the car, got my wife, and sent her in to take care of things, she really is a good wife (I have tested that also). For years afterward I would remind her how I was there when she needed me. My wife and my mom had a good laugh about that.

So happy birthday, Mom, thanks for everything. In the words of James Joyce "Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghole of a world a Mother's love is not." I always knew she loved me, deserved, or not.

*Sorry this went on so long. She deserved better and I guess this is my way of apologizing.