The Secret to Their Success.

We all know who they are.  They are the ones with the big offices, the demitasses, the luxury sedans, they are the Chardonnay sippers, with 18 year old Scotch, and expensive, imported beer.  That’s right, the jerks, who run your life from the ivory towers, the suits that run the store.  People ask me all of the time, “Tim, how did they get there, what do they have that I don’t?”  Overlooking the expansive, Ivy League education, and the years of hard work and dedication, it can be summed up in two words, a proven method… wait, it can be summed up in three words, a proven method.  Friends, I am here to give you their method, so you too can be one of those jerks.

It is time someone stood up for the common man, someone took a stand for the insignificant, it is time someone stood up to be the voice of those who are not heard.  I am willing to be that someone.  If you follow these steps you will be eating your SpaghettiOs® from fine china in the executive lunchroom.

1.  Make a list.  All of these people are obsessive list makers, they write down things, they cross off things, they mark, they check, they highlight.  It is like an addiction with them.  Shortly after commandeering a staff meeting they will pull out a note pad, write down a few things, make a few notations, and then cross off something, and bam, like Superman, they are gone.  I can’t tell you what to put on your list that is up to you.  Don’t worry, with a little practice your lists will be awesome, and inspiring.

B.  Drive your subordinates and coworkers without mercy.  Brutality will get things done, and you want them to get things done.  Remember these are the people you will need to walk all over to the get to the middle (the course on getting to the top will come in the next installment, don’t get too far ahead of yourself).  If they get a little surly remind them that their personnel file with their home address and next of kin, is in an unsecured office, within walking distance.  If the threat of violence is a little extreme, try becoming Facebook “friends” with all of the people you plan to use.  It can be a gold mine of exploitable, blackmail ready missteps, a perfect maul with which to bludgeon the independent.

III.  Don't be afraid to use espionage, and sabotage in your quest to walk all over your friends, co-workers, and acquaintances.  If they are doing something that looks important, steal it, if that is not possible pour coffee on it, what ever it takes to ruin their big presentation.  If an associate is working late offer to help "carry the load," and then ignore your responsibilities, and promises, leaving them floundering with an incomplete, coffee stained presentation.  Laugh all the way to the vending machine, get a Twinkie, you have earned the cream filled, delicious pastry.

That is probably enough for the first lesson.  Remember, clawing your way to the top is difficult, unpleasant, and distasteful, filled with sacrifice, toil, and stress, the pain can be overwhelming, and the trials incomprehensible, but once you get there, it will all be worth it, I think.  Whoever makes it first, please send down confirmation.

Scotland, and the future of the world.

Voters in Scotland are deciding on sovereignty today.  Tomorrow the landscape of the world may change, and there may be a brand new country.  In a way it is kind of exciting, countries are normally born through violent upheaval, terrible strife, conflict, and bloodshed.  They come in to the world screaming for justice, and demanding respect.  But, if this happens it will be with all of the decorum of a typical United Kingdom event.  Though, it may not be as united as once imagined.  There are a few nagging questions, what currency will be used, will the price of really good Scotch whisky go up, can they be persuaded to add an "e" to whisky, and what about Scotland Yard, won't that be a little awkward?

Recently, several educated, recognizable, and respected residents of Texas have made bold statements concerning seceding from the United States.  Essentially declaring independence, and becoming a nation unto itself.  This may be hyperbole, and just a ploy to express dismay at the actions of the Federal Government.  But, Texans are notorious for thinking big, and this should be considered a real possibility.  This, too, raises a few questions.  

Would it be better to erase a star from all of the flags, the cost of this could be astronomical?  Or should the US try to pick up another state?  Perhaps the Canadians would not mind giving up Ontario.  There is a shared border of 1,678 miles between Ontario, and the US, which makes it like a state already.  Plus, they could, possibly, explain this whole metric thing to Americans, and that most mythical of beasts "the balanced budget."  Ontario may require more cooperation than most Canadians are willing to provide, but, they probably would not mind handing over New Brunswick, or at least the Northwest Territories, which is allegedly just like Alaska, only Canadian.

If push comes to shove, as it so often does, we could maybe pick up part of Greenland, it is not that far, and certainly they can't be using the whole thing.  It is a very big place, and not densely populated.  

Of course, there are many other potential states, but, it is time to start planning.  Geopolitically speaking there is nothing sacred, and the race is going to the swift, and powerful, and those who might be a little unscrupulous, and possibly those who have a little cash to throw around.  This is the time for bold, decisive action, and a radical departure from the norm.  Is this country prepared?  Only time will tell.