Today in History, a List

It is time to look at the day ahead. The best way to do that is to look back. So on this day in history;

Today was the first of the televised Kennedy vs. Nixon debates. Kennedy was declared the winner by technical knock out. Many people felt Kennedy was much more comfortable in front of the camera, and was willing to wear makeup, while Nixon was a little pasty, sweaty and a lot like most Americans would be in front of a national televised audience. Proving that we don't want somebody like a normal American to be in charge, substance is secondary to appearance, and there is no point in saying anything profound unless you do it attractively.*

Francis Drake returns to England after sailing around the world, officially "circumnavigating the globe." He was the first British navigator to sail the globe. He set off on December 13th, 1577 with five ships, officially he was going to raid Spanish holdings in the new world, but a series of storms made a mess of things, and he wound up in San Francisco Bay and claimed the territory property of the Queen. The Forty Niners, and the Giants were furious, fearing that they were going to have to learn soccer (football, to Drake). But, the games were allowed to continue, and everybody was happy, even the Queen.** 

The Bill of Rights was ratified by the First Congress, and sent to the states for approval which is important, too.

The Brady Bunch premiered on television which is not important.

The first American soldier was killed in Vietnam, in 1945, that really surprised me.

A lot of other things happened, too, but this is enough for one post. Besides, I need more coffee.

*Here, I should add the disclaimer, I am a liberal democrat, not because I trust democrats any more than I trust republicans, only because I like the sound of being liberal more than conservative. And image is everything.

**I should mention that sailing is often called the "worst way to travel that doesn't use an airplane." At least on this blog. 

Football, so good we need two.

Mike Raven, curator of The Blog of Thog. and I are going to try to sway public opinion, convincing everybody in the whole world, or at least the very wise portion that read blogs, particularly the geniuses who read our blogs that one brand of football is better than the other.  I am speaking for the American Brand of Football, and +Mike Raven will be representing the rest of the world.

American Football is so advanced because the entire country is filled with experts.  Every Saturday and Sunday, in millions of homes across this huge country, and in select military bases and bastions of civilization, around the world people are screaming instructions, and helpful advice at television sets.

We all know, deep inside, the officials, who have been hand picked from the ranks of the lower levels of competition, have trained for years and continue training and education year around, and are trying to make snap decisions regarding barely visible potential infractions are so biased they should end the charade and wear the other teams colors.  It is amazing our team can ever win a game the way the refs stack the odds against them.

Off we go, beer and pizza, and back to the game.  And it is obvious this coach that our university, city or state has mortgaged its soul to lure to our team is an idiot.  Sure, he can diagram plays that look like hieroglyphics, understands complex systems and schemes, and can speak at length about defenses and the best way to attack them.  Yes, he has won at every level, and brought home numerous championships.  But, now he seems to be slipping into dementia.  What an idiot.

Back to the kitchen for chicken wings, a few beers, maybe some nachos.  You know what mystifies the average American Football fan?  The way these athletes, who have trained, and conditioned since they were little children, and have managed to become the greatest football players in the world can be so incompetent.  The average fans grandmother could throw a better pass than that, and she is in a wheelchair, and has never even thrown a football.

So, as you can see, Mr. Raven, American Football is superior because the entire country is filled with experts. More honest than the refs, smarter than the coaches and more talented than the players.  With all of that ability in one country what else would you expect?

Thank you,

America

World Cup Forgiveness, or The Search for A Decent Snack.

The World Cup is probably the most widely anticipated sporting event in the world.  According to FIFA at least 1 billion people tuned in for part of the 2010 World Cup, (and since I didn't watch any of that tournament they can safely estimate at least 1 billion and 1 for this year).  It is discussed, and dissected, and argued about from Algeria to Zaire, from Australia to Yugoslavia, it is truly a world event.

America is kind of late the scene, we are still learning, and words like match, and pitch, and mark are still being translated from the original American English to the new Futbol Friendly American English.  But, the progress is undeniable.  And the fact that America made it to the round of 16 (we would like to call it the "Sweet 16," if the rest of the world does not mind, it is dear to our hearts) is ample evidence that we are starting to take "the beautiful game" a little more seriously.

We lost to Belgium, and that is unfortunate, losing is never fun.  Nationalistic fervor can have unfortunate ramifications, though.  We would, as a sports loving nation, be wise to consider the consequences of any rash, irresponsible behavior.

First, Belgian ale is like the nectar of the gods.  It is so smooth and delightful, crisp, refreshing, and delicious.  Even the American brewed varieties are fantastic.  But, they pale in comparison to those imported from Belgium.  Pour a Belgian ale in a frosted glass, and top it with an orange slice, and you will find a moment of bliss too powerful to be endured, friends.

Further, a loyal reader and friend of Life Explained reports that Belgium is where French Fries were invented, and that some hungry American just stumbled upon them one day and since the server was speaking French he assumed it was France, thus the misnomer.  She is well traveled, and educated, and talks a lot about food, so we find no reason to doubt her.  Plus, she assures us that Belgian French Fries are "the most amazing fries you could ever hope to eat."  Those must be exceptional fries, indeed.

Most importantly, everybody loves Belgian waffles, topped with strawberries, whipped cream, and confectioners sugar, or blueberries, whipped cream, and confectioners sugar, or real butter, and maple syrup, or ice cream, and chocolate syrup with some caramel drizzled over the whole thing.  They are the food version of a Swiss Army Knife, everything to everybody.  Good for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert, all in one golden brown, fluffy package.  It is very difficult to be angry over a little soccer game with a country that has given us such a versatile delicacy.

So, enjoy your victory, Belgium, and move on the heights of Futbol glory, knowing that we here at Life Explained are hoping, sincerely, you take home the Cup.  You have given so much, and asked for so little.