Voting, Not a Privilege, A Curse.

As is normally the case, I filled out my ballot and mailed it in. Long lines filled with politically enthused people are a curse, and this election is probably going to be above average in rabid, politically charged clown attendance. I have to vote, because my wife makes me. I could turn my back on the whole process and walk away smiling, but for my wife.

As usual, I voted my beliefs, and my conscience, and what limited knowledge that can be gathered from the politically slanted news, magazines, newspapers, and television. And it was pretty easy, at the top, the candidates for most of the election were pretty clearly divided, and I could always find one that less odious than the other.

But, then came the judges. What do I know about judges? At the tender age of fifty seven it has been years since I have even seen a real judge (there was a young man who played on my son's basketball team, and his mother was a judge, very polite, and kind, so that was a vote that I was extremely comfortable casting). What gives me the right to choose who should have the power over such decisions. What if I choose the wrong person, what if I vote for the "hanging judge"? I can''t take that kind of pressure.

And coroner, what do I know about hiring a coroner? What if I elect the "hanging judge" and a sloth with a drinking problem for coroner? You never see commercials for coroner. Elect Bob for Coroner, he is not a lazy drunkard, like his opponent." No, you just have to fill in the little circle blindly, trusting to fate.

It won't take long for the streets to be lined with corpses waiting for disposition, piling up like sandbags before a flood, the stench will be unbearable. Not to mention it will be a real deterrent to the food trucks that are becoming so popular.
 And it will be my fault.

Oh, how I hate democracy.

Mid Terms, Our Big Chance.

Mid term elections are now heating up, and the insults, innuendo and accusations are beginning to fly.  Up to this point it has almost seemed lackadaisical, or at least inconsistent, almost polite.  No more, though, it is full swing, and the hate is evident.

Each candidate, more accurately each candidate's proxy, PAC or party apparatus is desperately trying to convince voters of the incompetence, and potentially criminal activity of the opponent.  One can only assume it is much easier to compel people to believe the bad.  "How could you possibly elect my opponent, he is so much worse?"

After only a couple of days we have decided that we, here at Life Explained, a company of sane, rational, productive, tax paying citizens of this nation, can not possibly waste our vote on any of these awful, despicable felons.  In fact we are not sure they are wholesome enough, have the mental acuity, and moral faculties to clean bathrooms in Hell.

Of course, we are still committed to fulfilling our obligations in this grand experiment known as the United States.  As Charles de Montesquieu said, so conveniently appropriate for the sake of this blog post, "the tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy."  Well said, Mr Montesquieu, well said.

So, we have decided, since we need to vote, all of us, here at Life Explained, we are going to run Dr. Dawg in every race, in every district in which one of our fine employees, here at Life Explained, lives.

Needless to say, this is going to be very expensive, television ads, campaign staff, and all.  So, please, for the sake of our country, give generously to the "Dr. Dawg (please fill in seat, judgeship, school board, or any  elected  position here).  It  is your civic duty.  Remember, vote for Dr. Dawg, it is your only hope.