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Monday, January 21, 2013

Oh, Canada, The True North strong and free!

North of Mexico,
South of that Great Country,
And World Leader, CANADA

In regards to:
Working together to save the world

North of the US,
South of The Arctic,
But Just Barely

Dear Canada,

Good Morning, Bonjour, we haven’t talked in a while, and it seemed a good time to “reach out” and “touch base” with our wonderful friends in the Great North.

Are you well?  We heard about the wheel falling off of the Air Canada flight in Toronto, boy can we identify with that.  Maybe you have heard of the Boeing 787 Dreamliner, more of a nightmare, really.

Good thing they got this hockey thing all worked out, eh?  We were a little worried they were going to cancel the season, bunch of hosers, anyway.

Anyhoo, let us get to the real reason for the letter, the nub of our gist, if you will.  Maybe you’ve read about our little deficit problem.  It has kind of ballooned, of late.  Kind of embarrassing, a little bit of a blot on our good reputation.  We thought, that maybe, if you were not too busy, and since you are always so nice, even the French speaking portion, (and that says something to us) we thought you might want to help a brother out.

We have had so many good times together, and share three sports leagues, and a style of football, that is unique to our continent.  Oh sure, we still play soccer, we just don’t mislabel it or take it too seriously.
Plus, in the late 1920s we tore up all of our detailed plans to invade Canada.  That is friendship, eh?  We have plans on file for every other country in the world, even Mexico (right now we really enjoy taking that one out and looking it over, with gusto, (oh what we couldn't do with all of that land) we still remember the Alamo, you know?).

We don’t expect you to pay all of it, just the difficult part, that we can’t quite afford, we have over $1348.00 dollars in the treasury that we will kick in, if you could just tackle the rest, we would be so grateful.  

As a token of our esteem we are willing to give you Montana, and North Dakota, if you want it.  In a pinch we would throw in Minnesota, we have heard it is great, they claim to have tons of lakes.

If you could help us out, just this once we promise to be much more thrifty in the future, we have learned our lesson, we promise
Respectfully yours,
United States