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Friday, December 27, 2013

How do you measure success.

Success is the realization of achievement, and there is no better way to measure this than with "The Gift Comparison Metric."  That's right, folks, for a short time we here at Life Explained are going to give away the secret to measuring success, for the minuscule price of $19.99 plus S&H we will send you the "Rule Book of Successfully Measuring Success."  

This book will help you define how people view you, as a person, as a supervisor, as a friend, as a spouse, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, son, daughter, mom or dad.  You will finally be able to figure out where you stand in the family hierarchy, and how much you overspent on those parasites you call a family.

Plus, you will receive a free subscription to the "Gauge of Value" website, (for only an additional $5.99 matriculation charge) where you will be able to post a picture of any gift and receive almost instant feedback to the retail value, any recent sales, markdowns, or rebates.  An invaluable tool when attempting to calculate your families affection.  "But, what if my gift is handmade" you ask.  No problem.  We have several craftsmen, home economic majors, and skilled appraisers waiting to estimate the actual dollar amount, to the penny, of the goods, and labor that went into the production of hand made gifts.

Who needs sense if you have dollars?
From now on you will know exactly where you stand with "loved ones."  With our time proven formula, you can calculate Money Spent Outgoing and compare it quickly to Money Earned Incoming, with the variable, gift box size, wrapping paper (and tape) used, plus size and price of the bow.  No more guess work, no more doubt, Know For Sure.

Plus, if you act today we will include access to the "What Everybody Earns" website, for free (just add the $9.99 activation fee) so you will be able to figure, by percentage, how much of their weekly income those lousy, no-good ingrates you call a family were willing to part with to get you that stinking warm up suit, with matching hat and gloves.  Jerks anyway, they don't deserve you, and now you will have proof.

With our help, a small investment of time and money, and a few simple rules of thumb, and you will be turning a tidy profit by next year.

The first 5600 callers will also receive, free of charge, (just add an additional $11.99 S&H) "The Quick and Easy Way to Cut a Box of Chocolates in Half!"  Just in time for Valentine's Day.