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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Year in Review continued.

Yesterday, we left off with a reference to free breakfasts, which is really what makes life worth living.  Of course my doctor might say "sure free breakfast is good, but how about some oatmeal, or fresh fruit?"  Well, Doctor Killjoy, how about I eat that when I am not on vacation?  This guy is cooking up some omelets that would make a strong man weep, and you want me to have some cantaloupe?  I don't think so!  Lose some weight, eat more fiber, get more exercise, take your medicine, man that is all that guy does, nag, nag, nag, what the heck am I paying him for if I have to do all of the heavy lifting to stay healthy, what do I need a doctor for if I spend all of this time taking care of myself, what good is insurance, if I have to...  Anyway, on to other highlights.

Breakfast was not the only good thing that happened last year (though, it was good) there were other momentous events as well, there was a trip to a Catholic Festival, where I almost won my weight in chips playing Black Jack, almost, I actually lost twenty dollars, but it was just a few ill timed cards that kept me from winning a king's ransom.  Missed it by that much.  Fear not, I have been working on my intuition, and next year I am cleaning them out.  But, the real feat that night was the "Wild, Spinning Ride of Certain Death" that our accomplices decided we needed to ride before we could leave.  Sure, it was called the "Cyclone" but, that was only for legal reasons, and because good paint is expensive, so the fewer letters the better.

How this thing works is you stand in a little slot, much like the chambers they put cannon shells in before they send them hurtling through the atmosphere, and try to bargain with the Lord.  Reminding Him that you are still pretty young and have things to accomplish in His name, and then the snotty, tattooed, pierced teenager running the machine pushes a button and the machine spins and bounces and smashes you against the side and you think about all of the time you wasted, and how much more successful you could have been had you only paid attention once in a while and you swear if you can just get off this thing alive you will start working hard every day, and treating people with kindness, and compassion, and then you scream "I'm not ready to die!"  

Then the ride stops, and you wipe away the tears, and you ask every body who was screaming, and you say, "that poor guy, he must have been afraid.  Does anybody have a tissue, something got in my eye?"