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Thursday, April 3, 2014

Sometimes you need to look out there to learn about here.

Humans are a very inquisitive bunch, with an unquenchable thirst for understanding.  Looking around, at each other, and then in the mirror, and then at each other, we begin to understand, "Wow, this kind of bad."  We know we are imperfect, and filled with terrible urges, and uncontrollable, boundless, blind ambition.  We understand that this is a sad way to exist, constantly bickering, and scheming, building ever more sophisticated weaponry to make sure we are the "last man standing" (my apologies to any women who are in the process of planning something destructive).

So, we spend billions trying to nurture understanding between all of the divergent peoples of the world.  Slaving, and scrapping, and laboring to foster a peaceful, loving environment covering the entire planet so everyone can feel accepted, regardless of difference.  A glorious heaven of love and harmony and care.

No, not really.  That would be almost impossible, if you've ever worked with two Ukrainian immigrants, two people who have moved from the same country, to the same city, two people who belong to the same religion, two people who have faced so many similar hardships and have so much in common, and used to be such good friends. Two people who have decided they were no longer going to speak to each other, no matter what, and years later will still not use the elevator at the same time, you would know this is a fools errand.  You would be better off trying to control the weather, which is not a bad idea.

What we have done is start scouring the skies for races of beings with whom we might find something in common.  And it is not easy, or cheap.  

In the elevated deserts of Chile is a large millimeter array that cost 1.5 billion dollars, and is located in the Atacama Desert, also known as the driest place on Earth.  It is cold, the oxygen is thin, and it is a long way from everywhere.  So, it took a lot of work to get all of the equipment up there.  But, we if you want to find stuff in space this is a good place to do it.

For the most part we, here at Life Explained, fully support space exploration, and are currently attempting to fund our Colonize Mars Road Trip (send us a note if you have a little extra change on the desk and would like to kick in) but we are not sure advertising our presence and inviting other life forms here is such a good idea.  We should point out that we are not sure they are looking for "people" out there, and will research that a bit further, after we finish other important stuff.  We are fairly comfortable saying they are not looking for a "Pizza Ranch" or else they just could have just looked here.

What if we do find an Alien Civilization, and they are as bellicose and obstinate as us?  Or worse, really boring.  Do we ask them to leave?  Doesn't that seem kind of rude, maybe it isn't them, maybe it is us.  Maybe we can't get along with anybody.  

"Yes, we know we invited you, and yes we understand it is a long way to your home, but, well, we have to work tomorrow, and it is getting late, and all of the wine is gone, and we are just very tired.  Maybe we should just call it a night."

"We will destroy your planet, puny humans, scattering the debris across the endless, cold expanses of space."  We have taken the liberty of translating from Alien so you don't have to.

Should we let them spend the night on the moon, what if they break it, then what?  It is the only one we have, and it would cost a lot to repair, and would be almost impossible to replace.  Of course, we have heard that Jupiter has 63 moons, and could probably spare one.  Who needs that many moons, anyway?  Kind of showy if you ask us.  "Oh look at me, I have 63 confirmed moons, and you only have one, and then you let the aliens break it.  You are never going to have anything nice with that sort of..."  Sorry about that, we just get a little defensive when the other planets in the solar system look down on us, you should hear Saturn going on and on and on about those stupid rings, like anybody wants, or even cares about... Oops.

Anyway, looking into the distant reaches of space is a great idea, who knows what is out there, and what we can learn.  And since it is a collaboration between Europe, East Asia, and America maybe we can learn something about working together and make life here a little better, too.  Always a good investment.