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Sunday, February 1, 2015

A Sunday for the Ages


Today is huge. A day of momentous importance. Today is the first annual, Life Explained (#lifeexplained) Stupendous Bowl World Championship. We have been working, struggling, fighting, clawing, and even playing a little football, to reach this day. It was a season of ups, downs, highs, lows, even a few middle of the road, unexceptional, averages, even some completely sub mediocres. But, it was a quite a race, and we are left with two teams, each wanting to walk away with the crown. Each wanting to win the coveted title, each wanting to wear the coveted sash proclaiming them Miss Life Explained… Wait, hold on, that is not until next September. But, this is almost as vicious.

 

Since it is so cold outside, we are playing indoors, and since we don't have a covered stadium we are cleared out the break room. It is pretty big, not football field big, but pretty big. We had to let some of the air out of the footballs (a big thanks to friend of the blog Bill Belichick, who once said "winning isn't everything, if you're a loser" for that tip).

 

After installing some bleachers, benches for the teams, several concession stands, a lot of beer vendors (a lot), locker rooms, a press box, a stage for the half time show, luxury boxes, and a jumbotron for replays, and commercials we discovered the break room was not nearly as big as we thought. Painting the lines on the floor we realized we would have to play on a field the size of a table.  While that would make for a very high scoring game there might be an unacceptably high number of injuries to the spectators, cheerleaders, sideline reporters, camera crews, international celebrities granted passes, and custodians who were dead set against this right from the beginning and only acquiesced when given assistant coaching gigs, complete with headsets, and clipboards.

Since good custodians are almost impossible to find in this high-tech, namby pamby world of geeks and nerds we decided to cancel the game. Instead we were going to crown the Life Explained Stupendous Bowl World Championship on a series of board games. Unfortunately, nobody here knows how to play any board games, except for a few of the I.T. guys who are going to a comic book convention, and will be unavailable for the competition. They refused to lend us any of their board games after the Wine Tasting, Fantasy Football Draft fiasco.

If it hadn't been for police intervention somebody might have died. When Bob, from the infirmary stood up and tried to draft the 1st Cavalry the place erupted. People were trying to draft increasingly lethal entities. Everybody was arguing about who would win between Spider Man, and Bat Man, who was tougher, Dracula, or Frankenstein's Monster. Several expensive, graphing calculators were destroyed when the I.T. guys leaped on the backs of the guys from accounting, because they were drinking Chardonnay right out of the bottle, which was more than they could take. After that it got crazy.

We decided playing real football might be safer, and started a league. It was a good season, and there was a lot of drama. We really didn't think the finals through very well. Next year we are headed for the Bahamas for the post season. We have reserved the biggest room on the island for the games. We are selling tickets already, if you are interested.  This year we are just going to flip a coin, but it will be televised, live.  And, they are taking bets in Las Vegas.