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Friday, March 4, 2016

Game Shows, and First Aid, a Lesson in Life.

Big news here at Life Explained, American Division, Central States, Ohio Offices, Columbus Location. Bob from Distribution, Parcels, Small Packages, Letters and Post Cards, finally got on (name redacted for legal reasons). The show where they give you the answer and you have to guess the question. Bob is pretty smart, kind of a hot head, but pretty quick. We were all excited, one of our own showing the world his stuff.

The show started, the returning champion, Dennis, from Oregon, on the left, Bob in the middle and the other challenger, Amy from Pennsylvania, on the right.

It was clear from start that the Dennis was the contestant to beat. It was equally clear that Amy and Bob were not going to be the people who would do it.

Dennis pulled away early, and Bob and Amy were left battling for 2nd place. It started to get mean spirited quickly. Insults were exchanged, terrible things about equal opportunity, and the Americans With Disabilities Act, and family trees. Bob started coughing every time Amy tried to talk.

Finally on the last clue Bob rang in and said "the density profile of water." Bob smiled, he nailed it, and knew it. He had clinched second place, we started dancing around the kitchen.

The host said, "phrase your answer in the form of a question, please."

Bob froze. You could see in his face that he was lost. He was so excited, then he had the rug pulled out from underneath him and he couldn't react, he had nothing left in the tank. He tried, "What is...", tears formed in the eyes. He was stuck.

A buzzer sounded the death of Bob's dream. "I'm sorry, Bob you're all out of time. Dennis, Amy?"
the host asked.

Amy seized the opportunity to grab second place going into Final (name redacted pending litigation).

Bob blew up, and knocked over his podium. A scream rang off the walls and echoed around the studio, a terrifying wail of hopeless desperation, a crying plaintive sound of of lost opportunity, and crushed dreams.

He turned toward Amy, fists clenched, ready to exact revenge. Unfortunately for Bob Amy was an unrepentant psychopath from the hard scrabble streets of Scranton, She punched Bob in the nose so hard his vision was blurred. Knocking him down she had her shoe off and was hammering Bob with with a comfortable, fashionable loafer.

(Name redacted pending trial), the affable, charming host tried to stop her, but she was enraged and filled with the vigor of a narrow number two finish over a hated, despicable rival. It took three security men and a taser to save Bob.

When he called from the hospital he said, "lucky for her those guys stopped me before I killed her." Good job, Bob.