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Tuesday, March 8, 2016

LENO Enters Politics

Hello fans of Game Enhancement Technology [GET] it is your friends at Life Explained Northeastern Office [LENO] with exciting news on the political campaigns that most of you have had better things to do than pay attention to. We were commissioned by a great American [Dr Dawg] to do research and development on the coming Republican Convention. The payment for such diabolical Crucial Household Election Abolishing Technology [CHEAT] was hard for us to turn down. Months and months of smuggled donuts and the amusement that it brings us knowing what LEOH [Life Explained Ohio Office] have actually been eating every morning.

What we have here is a real election in which we take four of the most impossible to accumulate egos all tearing each other open for the amusement of the Democrat Party, and all leading to what we have all wanted all along, a brokered convention. Yes one would think that it was all an accident that a terrible senator, a horrible governor, a game show host and a Canadian would all somehow meet up to not admit defeat for months and months. In reality it was all careful planning by LENO researchers in propaganda convincing the terrible senator that he could actually win, the terrible governor that he is a conservative, the game show host that it is a great way to pick up chicks, and the Canadian that we would give Maine and Vermont to Canada after he wins. You see where we are going here? Well of course not, our genius is hard to fathom.

Now of course what does all of this finagling with the hearts and minds of people who actual get out there and think their votes matter get us? Well with a gift set of monogrammed pencils, a box of Twinkies, three Susan B Anthony dollars, and promises of the annexation of Europe, we should be able to bribe convince all of the soon to be un-pledged delegates to nominate a true American, someone with uncompromising principles (actually no principals to compromise in the first place, same thing) and what it actually takes to get the job done in Washington. Yes that would be our benefactor, DR DAWG!

We are simply letting the cat (or maybe dog) out of the bag at this early state, because it is never too early to accept bribes contributions to the next American president. Yes a bribe contribution to Dr Dawg, is money well spent. Think of all the cabinet level positions, mindless bureaucrat positions, judge nominations, IRS jobs and many other things that your bribe contribution could afford you! Don't just do it for your own petty needs, do it for the petty needs of Dr Dawg, and of course all of your friends at the various Life Explained locations throughout the world. Or you can just ignore this if you are someone who truly hates puppy dogs. Don't hate puppy dogs, send your bribe donation today.

I'm Dr Dawg and I approve this message ...