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Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Grilling, Cooking For Men, Real Men.

It is no secret that I like to grill. Taking flame, heat, smoke, seasonings, raw food and deftly combining them into a masterpiece of sizzling, tempting delight is the ultimate test of modern manliness.

You know, I should take up hunting. That would be the apex of masculinity, Killing something, and preparing it for your family. Stalking the wild meal, climbing silently through the thick, tangled, matted underbrush looking for the opportunity to take down the perfectly marbled beef brisket. Man, that would be the pinnacle.

Poor, foolish, unsuspecting tribe of wild baby back ribs would scatter as I come crashing mightily out of the forest, armed with nothing but Pampered Chef Grilling Tongs, (dishwasher safe with a patented locking mechanism) and a dry rub made of paprika, chili powder, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and a touch of dried cayenne.

I would be the king of the jungle, as I stalk the wild rib eye. You know, we should be careful, there are a lot of snakes out in the bush. Big snakes looking to make a name for themselves by bagging a chef.

Don't forget the spiders, silent, deadly, the perfect killing machine. Eight legged angels of death, we have to keep an eye open for them. I read about a guy in Dayton who rolled his car down the side of the ditch in an effort to kill a spider.  Apparently, according to eye witness reports he was trying to set the car on fire, a popular way to defend yourself against spider attacks, when he lost control and rolled into the middle of the field. Police are still trying to find the spider.

Maybe I will just go to the store, Or better yet send my wife to the store, that place is like a class reunion for the hospital for the criminally insane. I will make sure the grill is ready for cooking.