As you all know, my colleague Jesse Zahrt recently set up a voter registration station on Mars. Our hope here at LE was to gain additional support for the Clark/Zahrt 2016 campaign. Well, after pulling an all-nighter with the help of some quad espresso shot Chile Mocha Lattes and Bailey’s Irish Crème, we here at the PRD are happy to report, voting activity on Mars!
How is this even possible you may ask since we don’t have a colony there? I was asking the same question until I saw the transmission from the ghost station that we have set up in Cleveland. Sorry to mention that one, Tim but we aren’t exactly revealing its location. I know how you are about security and secrecy but we have to have a point of origin in order to register this very historic and important vote!
I know everyone has been wondering if there is life on Mars for centuries now. In true maverick, trailblazing fashion LE has solved this conundrum. A vote for Clark/Zahrt has been cast and the voter is Mark Watney! For those of you that don’t know Mr. Watney, he was an astronaut and member of the Ares 3 mission to the red planet. Through no fault of his own, Mr. Watney was stranded on Mars due to a freak storm.
Apparently, it will take approximately 9 months for a rescue team to retrieve him. In the meantime, Mark has informed us that he is catching up on his reading while sciencing the shit out of his potato farm. He said that he stumbled upon the VW bus purely by accident. After reading the pamphlets, watching the mini documentary on the Clark/Zahrt campaign, and listening to KC and the Sunshine Band on the V Dubs awesome 8 track surround sound system, he decided to cast his vote for Tim and Jesse.
In return, I have assured Mark that we will pick him up and bring him back to Earth via the gently used Space Shuttle that we have recently acquired. He has also graciously taken me up on my offer to be LE’s first galactic/intergalactic ambassador!
This is quite the coup for LE because he is literally the first Martian. After taking a random vote, while enjoying a round of tequila and tacos from our newly acquired food truck, we decided to embark on a Kickstarter campaign to obtain funds to make a movie of Mr. Watney’s experience. We have also seen some interest from Ridley Scott to be the director of this opus. Yes, that Ridley Scott of Alien, Thelma and Louise, Blade Runner and Prometheus fame! I was shocked too!
As you can see, things are really looking up at LE. The next leader of the free world might be our CEO and our new Vice President could be our Director of Research and Development plus we could win an Oscar with this Kickstarter campaign. I will be sure and keep you posted. Right now, I have to fuel up the shuttle. We have a customer to pick up! That may be another future business venture with Uber. Exciting! Remember, just like Casey Kasem says, “Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.” Until next time, Leighton out!