There is a dark secret in the nation's capital. Well not too dark. In fact it is pretty well lit. With colorful photos and paintings hanging under accent lighting. But, it is secret, or at least it was secret until Life Explained investigative journalists managed to uncover the truth. Technically, they did not uncover the truth. It is still covered, But, they managed to find the truth, and that is significant, too.
Under the well lit streets, ATM, parking lots, health clinics, and a Burrito Brothers, there is tunnel that runs from under the Oval Office to the Firefly. A restaurant offering seasonal New American comfort food and built around a large indoor tree. It is trip of almost 3/4 of a mile one way. But, it is seasonal comfort food, and built around an indoor tree.
During the dark days of indecision and struggle of the Mexican American war that led to the establishment of Texas, James Polk sometimes needed to just get away. Fortunately, the government had been infiltrated by aliens from a distant galaxy* and they agreed to help out. They weren't really bad sorts. They just could not resist the allure and intrigue in politics.
Anyway, they built this tunnel to the Firefly, of course, back then it was not a large indoor tree, it was just an indoor tree. And comfort food was all anybody had ever heard of and it was just called food. But, the beer was excellent, and the wait staff was quick, courteous and efficient and General Santa Anna and the Mexican forces seemed thousands of miles away, which they were, but you know what we mean.
Over the years every president, when the pressures of office get too great, will press the little button, located on the bottom of the center drawer on the desk and will be lowered with graceful, alien precision to the tunnel. Where they will choose from a variety of disguises hanging on a rack and make the pleasant stroll down the well lit corridor to the secret stairwell behind the broken jukebox at the Firefly.
If you are ever in the Firefly, enjoying a shrimp roll (Celery heart, meyer lemon, garlic aioli) with a side of truffle fries, and a small batch bourbon on the rocks, and you see someone who looks vaguely familiar in an uncomfortable and oppressive way don’t ask for their autograph. And whatever you do try to avoid terms like “entitlement reform” and “foreign aid.” Just trust us on that.
*We are not supposed to tell you this, but that is the case with governments everywhere, and always has been. You certainly don't think we came up with the Houses of Congress by ourselves do you?