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Tuesday, May 2, 2017

I have a cold beer with me.

It was such a nice day yesterday we decided to stop for a few drinks at the local beer garden. A festive, free flowing party that wraps around the side and front of the Eager Eagle bar. At the corner where the front meets the side is a small stage, and a band was playing ragtime music. People were tapping their feet, drinking frosty mugs of delicious beer, and everybody was smiling.

It was bright, and cheerful, and the whole world seemed a happier place. Bowls of hot, buttery, salted popcorn sat by pots of unshelled peanuts making the beer taste even better. It was a Monday to remember. But, nothing lasts forever.

I decided to use the restroom, Walking in, the dark was almost complete after the blazing, warmth of the cleansing sunlight. There was something a little sinister, a little spooky about the gloom.

A little spooky until I saw someone standing there in the darkness. A still form from some dark pit, not moving, a dark figure, from a dark place. Then it got really scary.

This guy was just standing in the darkness, not moving, and it was almost certain he was staring at me.

A few quick mental calculations. He seemed to be about 7 to 9 feet away, roughly my size, and his posture, and stillness convinced me he was going to try something.

"Fine," I thought, "I'll let him throw the first punch, It would probably be from my left. To my right was a metal waste basket. Dodging his punch, I would grab the waste basket, hammer him over the head, which would force him to my left, his right, where I could grab the stall door, and smash it into his falling form. When he tried to to stand upright I would turn on the forced air hand dryer, and the noise would confuse his rattled mental condition. Giving me time to squirt some hand sanitizer (I tell everybody about the dangers of hand sanitizers but they don't listen) on the floor causing him to slip and fall in a sobbing pile of regret. I would be free to use the restroom wash my hands and be on my way.

As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw it was a mirror, and I was staring at myself. I felt a little foolish. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." I said, joking with myself.

"You're lucky," My reflection said in a threatening tone, and threw the reflection of the metal waste basket at me.

"I have to stop planning everything so carefully." I thought to myself, throwing a decorative hand
towel holder at myself as I ducked the waste basket. The sudden, violent movement caused me to hit my forehead on the door.

"Dang, that hurt," my reflection said, as the towel holder hit him right above the eye. He dropped to his knees, cursing softly.

"Hey, how about I buy you a drink, And we call a truce." I said to myself.

I agreed and we went and had a couple of beers together. People looked at us a little strange, it may have been the bump on my forehead, or the cut above my eye.

The next day at work we got twice as much done. I am really something.