A Christmas Story goes a little haywire.

"Meanwhile, far away, in another part of the world."

A faint light shone in through the open blinds, not really enough to see anything, just enough to make everything homogeneous and indistinguishable. A grey blanket of bland, dull, lifeless, blah.  The Tooth Fairy had the means to see in low light, a nice pair of night vision goggles* but Central Procurement, Distribution, and Supply was out of batteries, so to make the stupid things last until the next shipment Bob only used them when needed.

Assuming there was enough light Bob would just rough it and look unaided. Most time it works out, tonight it didn't. Bob stepped on a dog's squeaky toy, and a small dog came running out of a room yapping and wagging and wiggling, almost electric with delight.

Right behind the dog a little girl came out rubbing her eyes, "Bolton what are you doing?" She flipped a light switch, and looked at Bob, the Tooth Fairy, who was holding the dog in one hand, yipping, snapping and almost smiling, and the squeaky toy (a rainbow colored raccoon) in the other.

"Hi," the little girl said, "My name is Amanda."

Bob felt awkward, and uncomfortable, this was a violation of the rules, (Page 1, Article 1, Line 1,don't get discovered,). He was not supposed to be discovered. He looked at the girl, and the dog, and the fireplace, and finally the squeaky toy. He sat the dog down and tossed the raccoon towards the kitchen. Bang, the dog was gone like a shot.

Bob thought, in for a dime, in for a dollar, and said, "hi, I'm Bob, the Tooth Fairy." Which was a violation of the rules, (Page 1, Article 1, Line 1a, don't talk to humans).  He was not supposed to talk to humans.

A plan began to swirl, and twist, and turn, and twist some more, and in a flash Bob had a twisted plan, with a tortured end game, setting the world right, for Bob, anyway.

"Amanda, I am so happy to meet you!" Bob, was tall, and Amanda was not, so he had to bend way down to shake her hand." He pulled up an Easy Boy recliner, and touched a few buttons on his phone, and smoke, flash, muffled boom the chair shrunk to Amanda's size.

"Set down, I have a little deal for you. I know the standard practice has been to leave a little coin for an old, discarded tooth, but, working together we can make some changes. If you will give me your tooth, I will give you a partnership in the my new World Government. Would you like that?"

"I guess so," said Amanda, "can I have pop for breakfast?"



* 279.99 at OpticsPlanet.com with free shipping. Mention this blog when you order.

Unfortunately for Eddie, and you, and me our little tale of self discovery, and rebirth has taken an awful turn. Stay tuned, Eddie, and the Extranaturals will need your support.

To Be Continued.

Billy, the god of Christmas Past, part 5 (V if you are from ancient Rome)

Last we saw Eddie and the giant god of Christmas past were strapped into a PT cruiser, rocketing through the ether of a world that exists just to the right of reality. Drinks were jostling and the popcorn and peanut shells were floating up off the floor and dancing around their heads, looking almost alive, and slightly malevolent.

"I tell you, that Tooth Fairy, he is a piece of work. The Easter Bunny had to have a wad of chewing gum cut out of his tail. Oh, sure, nobody saw it happen, but if anybody had a big wad of sugary gum to waste it would be that guy." The god of Christmas Past drained his can and tossed it towards the back. It floated up and bounced gently off Eddie's head.

Eddie swatted at the can, and thought, this is the craziest dream I've ever had. But, the can circled around and hit him in the back of the head, startling him, making him doubt he was in a dream. He looked around, and thought I don't think this is a dream.

"How long have you known the Tooth Fairy?" Eddie asked, realizing how stupid it sounded, even as he said it. In all fairness to Eddie this was an odd situation, even for Thanksgiving.

The god of Christmas Past looked at Eddie, over the top of a pair of waif there is nyfarer sunglasses. "Forever," he said. "Look, we are extranatural beings, we have been here forever, and we will be here forever. Our lives are endless, and beginningless too, when you think about it. So, we go way back.

"His name is Bob, oh you can call me Billy, he used to be tolerable. But, he got that job, and it turned him sour. He started in on the sugar, and caffeine, and cocoa, and salt, he may  have an addictive personality, and it changed him."

Eddie swatted at a piece of popcorn, and a wad of gum, before asking "How many extranatural beings are there?

"Damned if know, there are a bunch, tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, countless monsters under the bed, all kinds of openings, and always enough, but never any extra. Now, it seems like the scale is a little off, too many of us, and more coming."

Tune in tomorrow to discover the secret from Eddie's past, but don't tell anyone, it's a secret.