A Christmas Story goes a little haywire.

"Meanwhile, far away, in another part of the world."

A faint light shone in through the open blinds, not really enough to see anything, just enough to make everything homogeneous and indistinguishable. A grey blanket of bland, dull, lifeless, blah.  The Tooth Fairy had the means to see in low light, a nice pair of night vision goggles* but Central Procurement, Distribution, and Supply was out of batteries, so to make the stupid things last until the next shipment Bob only used them when needed.

Assuming there was enough light Bob would just rough it and look unaided. Most time it works out, tonight it didn't. Bob stepped on a dog's squeaky toy, and a small dog came running out of a room yapping and wagging and wiggling, almost electric with delight.

Right behind the dog a little girl came out rubbing her eyes, "Bolton what are you doing?" She flipped a light switch, and looked at Bob, the Tooth Fairy, who was holding the dog in one hand, yipping, snapping and almost smiling, and the squeaky toy (a rainbow colored raccoon) in the other.

"Hi," the little girl said, "My name is Amanda."

Bob felt awkward, and uncomfortable, this was a violation of the rules, (Page 1, Article 1, Line 1,don't get discovered,). He was not supposed to be discovered. He looked at the girl, and the dog, and the fireplace, and finally the squeaky toy. He sat the dog down and tossed the raccoon towards the kitchen. Bang, the dog was gone like a shot.

Bob thought, in for a dime, in for a dollar, and said, "hi, I'm Bob, the Tooth Fairy." Which was a violation of the rules, (Page 1, Article 1, Line 1a, don't talk to humans).  He was not supposed to talk to humans.

A plan began to swirl, and twist, and turn, and twist some more, and in a flash Bob had a twisted plan, with a tortured end game, setting the world right, for Bob, anyway.

"Amanda, I am so happy to meet you!" Bob, was tall, and Amanda was not, so he had to bend way down to shake her hand." He pulled up an Easy Boy recliner, and touched a few buttons on his phone, and smoke, flash, muffled boom the chair shrunk to Amanda's size.

"Set down, I have a little deal for you. I know the standard practice has been to leave a little coin for an old, discarded tooth, but, working together we can make some changes. If you will give me your tooth, I will give you a partnership in the my new World Government. Would you like that?"

"I guess so," said Amanda, "can I have pop for breakfast?"



* 279.99 at OpticsPlanet.com with free shipping. Mention this blog when you order.

Unfortunately for Eddie, and you, and me our little tale of self discovery, and rebirth has taken an awful turn. Stay tuned, Eddie, and the Extranaturals will need your support.

To Be Continued.

Help us in our efforts to save the world.

It was an ordinary day, here at the Life Explained Ohio Office (LEOhO). We had emptied the dish washer, made a fresh pot of coffee, and microwaved a breakfast burrito. Egg, jalapeno and cheese, (El Monterey, on sale at Kroger* for eighty nine cents**). When it struck us, we have expanded!

This is the big time. We have a top secret facility in the Great North East, (LENO) where they specialize in technology to enhance the performance of athletes through applied technology. Mostly, it seems like they use the time honored tradition of applying the right force, to bend the rules enough to give one team an advantage. It is next level stuff, the kind of thing you would expect from a world class facility.

Now we are introducing a Top Secret Facility in India (LEIO, or something, I don't know that we have the appropriate acronym yet). So far this office specializes in a more metaphysical examination of the expansion of self awareness. Using techniques heretofore thought impossible our officer in charge has challenged people to use time more wisely, and take each day as a unique opportunity. Perhaps the best advice you will ever get from this blog, so you should listen.

Should we rest on our laurels, and let the acclaim fall from the skies in waves of adoration, and accolades? Should we enjoy our success, and let things fall naturally into place. Probably not, not while there are problems that need solved, and assistance that needs rendered, and time that needs killed.

We are now accepting applications for the next Life Explained Office, in the Life Explained World Domination Campaign!

So, if you have an ax to grind, or a point of view to express, or some words dying to escape the prison of your mind we might have the place for you. The pay is lousy, the hours are short, and the requirements are the ability to fit in with the other Life Explained offices.

We need people who have little sense of moderation, a robust sense of the ridiculousness of life,  and don't live in the midwest, the northeast, or India. It wouldn't hurt if you had an interesting story to tell, and could tell it over and over again in different ways, with somewhat different endings, too.

Apply within.

*by the way, Kroger, and El Monterey, we are still looking for a sponsor.

**We really don't know how much they cost, we just made that up. They were in the freezer and we were hungry and they looked so good we ate them. Our apologies to whoever paid for them.