Two Mornings, a Study in Contrast

On my morning commute, yesterday, things went bad. It started at what is called, locally, the Fifth Avenue curve. A gentle sweeping arc that sends you from a warming southern drive seeming soft and kind casual and kind to a more western orientation looking at the tall buildings of business gone mad. Things get serious. You can almost hear the crackle and pop of an interspace communication. “Red Leader, assume attack formation.” Everything seems to start on the curve.

Yesterday, after passing 5th Avenue things slowed down. Slowed to a crawl. A crawl broken by stretches of a complete stop. Eventually, I made it past Leonard Avenue, the first exit west of 5th Avenue. A police car came screaming up the east bound freeway, crossed on the overpass and went accelerating down the westbound lanes. I could hear the roar of the engine over my music,  Summer in the City by the Lovin’ Spoonful. Which is one of my favorites, so it was kind of loud. I knew it was bad, then.

And it was. There was a horrible accident, multiple cars, multiple injuries. I didn’t know how bad it was, but it was obviously so bad my first thought was a silent prayer. Not the usual disgust for people who have to drive carelessly and wreck, ruining my commute. In fact it was so bad they closed the freeway, and I was forced to exit and wind my way through the downtown streets crowded with frustrated, detoured commuters.

The sun came up. It was weak, hidden with dark clouds. There was no rain in the forecast and none in the clouds. But, they were dark, ominous, heavy with something. Anger, sadness? Maybe they wanted to shed a few tears for the poor souls. Nothing more painful than impotent sorrow. It was a very uncomfortable morning. And, I have never been so glad when morning ended and the skies finally gave a little break. I know, occasionally, I see things for more than they are, and I am sure this was one of those times. It doesn’t take much imagination to make the connection, though.

I looked online and it doesn’t seem as if anybody was killed. But, once the traffic is cleared it doesn’t seem to be news anymore. Though, I imagine those involved would feel differently. 

This morning, though, I am comfortable, alone, with a cup of coffee, an iPad and my thoughts. I am mapping out the Nancy/Tim Casino Extravaganza. We are stopping at Jungle Jims, in Fairfield, the Party Barn in Louisville and a used bookstore in Dayton.  We may have to stop at Jungle Jims and the book store both ways.

I love used books. For one thing they are cheaper. More important, though, it is sharing a treasure with someone, somebody you don’t even know. In a way you have both lived somebody else’s life. Enter stage left, a new character, three people. Maybe several people owned and read the book.  It is a whole village, really. All sharing a story. I know people who only like new books, hard cover, fresh from the factory books. I like books with character, lived in books, loved books, hated books, books that have been around the block. Like me.

I have two books I have been looking for. It is a quest. I could buy them off Amazon, or Barnes and Noble but where is the thrill in that? They have become my grail. I am almost afraid I will find them. What then? There is always another foolish adventure, another pointless chase through aisles filled with the forgotten relics of modern life. It might be a book, it could be a Bluetooth keyboard for an iPhone, possibly a coffee cup with a particular companies logo. But, it is out there and I will find it, or at least look for it. 

So, next week we are off to spend a couple of days in a casino. Not really in the casino, but in a room in the same building as the casino. We will go hiking through a state park. And, hike through the casino as well. We might even drop some coin on a game or two. Why not? And we will hike through the grocery store, and the used book store. You have to stay active, right? We love to hike. 

And, I will hope the people in the awful wreck yesterday are ok. But, I probably won’t know. And I guess I can live with that, too.

Another Adventure,

We decided, my wife and I, to take a little trip, blow off a little steam, let our hair down, indulge in a little spring break leisure. Maybe we are just preparing for our impending retirement. Anyway, we looked around and Louisville is always fun. There are things to do, stuff to see. Plus, Louisville is only about three hours from Columbus, a real benefit. But, we have been to Louisville several times, and we are on a mission to try new things. So, we went looking. About 12 miles from Louisville is the Horseshoe Inn and Casino. Where, in the words of The Grateful Dead (from Ramble On Rose) we will “be sitting plush with a royal flush, aces back to back.”

We have started a list of places we are going to visit. Stops on the Life Explained World Tour. It is a list of destinations, goals to be achieved before we die. We may have to live forever. Or stay off the internet. Las Vegas is one of them. Maybe this is training. We are not gamblers. We won twelve dollars on a slot machine in South Dakota and four dollars from a slot machine in Michigan, and we were rolling in the dough. But, the room at the Horseshoe was cheap, and we got a fifty dollar food credit. And the food looks amazing. The way I see it we already won. Vegas here we come.

Plus, I have a new fascination with making videos. A fascination, but not much talent. If you hate my writing wait until you see my videos. One inescapable truth; it takes a lot of time to make a video. So, the first thing I did this morning, after emailing the owner of the company asking her for the days off,¹ was start making the introduction. It turned out pretty well. Unfortunately, it is not this video.

Which is just something I cobbled together last night. Sort of an adhoc preview of the real video. So enjoy this and know it only gets better. Maybe.

Plus, there will be a scintillating account of our trip.  Including obsessive description of our stops at Drake’s and The Party Barn in Louisville. You don’t want to miss that. It will be here, or on my new WordPress site (or both).With the shuttering of Google + I began to worry about Blogger so I branched out. Though, I’m not sure it is much ado about nothing, but if you know me, you know I like finding problems that don’t really exist. It makes it easier to ignore real problems. 

Anyway, we may win enough to retire in style. Or we may just have a great time. Either way we are winners. Winning isn’t hard, if you know how to keep score. See you soon, we may stop in a city by you.  Let me know where that is, we are always looking for an excuse to get away.

¹ She said it was ok.

Heading to Mars, do you need a lift?

It seems that Bill Nye, the so called Science Guy, co wrote an article for National Geograpic explaining how a manned mission to Mars was a possibility.  Well, Mr. Nye, the "science guy" let me ask you something.  Why didn't we think of that?  Oh, we did!

In the article Bill, (you don't mind if we call you Bill, do you?) explains the potential vehicle for transport, and the costs involved.  Well, Bill, we would like you to consider using our Uber Mars Ride Sharing program.  We are going, anyway, you might as well save a few bucks, and let us take care of the driving.

That's right, Billy, (you don't mind if we call you Billy, do you?) you can grab a newspaper, and recline in our premium leather seats, and let the kitchen prepare your food, to taste, from our complete menu, including Kosher, low calorie, low carbohydrate, and gluten free choices.

But, why stop there, William (you don't mind if we call you William, do you?)? Join the other passengers in the theater portion of the Uber Rocket to Mars, and enjoy first run movies with Dolby, surround sound, and complimentary buttered popcorn.  Or, head down to the arcade, and compete in one of the many video game tournaments taking place.  There is always something new and exciting while traveling with Life Explained Interplanetary Uber Lifts.

And, Willy, (you don' mind if we call you Willy, do you?) what do you have planned on this visit to Mars? Why not stay in the brand new Life Explained Luxury Hotel and Casino.  Covering three acres of prime Martian real estate this fantastic new hotel is home to the largest casino not located on the planet Earth (we think), an indoor water park, three lounges, two theatres and a indoor race track, in case you want to play the ponies a bit, while visiting the Red Planet, and an RV park, but no one has used that, yet.

So, is the trip to Mars possible?  It sure is.  Is it affordable? With our new reduced rates* you can't afford not to go.  Is it fun? Heck yes! Where do I go to sign up? Email us, or leave a comment on this post, and we will book you on the next flight.  But, you might have to ride with Bill Nye.  Will that be a problem?

A Monday to remember, remember the weekend that is.

Weekends are for celebration, and Monday is the time to either regret, remember fondly, or justify.  I am not sure what this will be, maybe we can decide together.  This weekend we went with our friend, and numbers guru, Susan to a celebration/fundraiser at a local Catholic Church.  It was an amazing scene, something from science fiction, almost.  From blocks away the raucous, joyful congregation could be heard, and after clearing the tree cover the light was unmistakable, and looked almost alien, and eerie, in the middle of such a well manicured neighborhood.  But, there it was, calling our name.  My wife and I love a noisy, garish, neon filled, crowded walkway.  It is an overpowering, irresistible temptation.  So we jumped right in.


There were people everywhere, and the noise was fantastic.  We were in our element, and we were having fun.  A huge, rubber duck kept eye over the whole scene and was almost too good to be true, Then, like a sirens song, sweet, tempting and magnetic, we saw the sign.  A casino, The Lord does work in mysterious ways.  We walked in, cold beer in hand, bought some chips, and the next thing you know Charlie Daniel's was singing "Trudy" as my own private soundtrack.  "Had a powerful thirst and six months pay... poured down a bottle and a half of redeye, dropped thirty five dollars in the slot machine, the boys in the back was a dealin' seven card, sat down and won me a hundred and ten."  This was back when he used to sing about drinking and gambling, and fun stuff, before he started singing about faith and duty, and obligation, and other stuff, not so fun.  Charlie, and I had come this far, it was time to gamble.

Susan sat down at the Black Jack table.  Black Jack is a brutal game of statistic probability, with well defined guidelines and procedures, almost like a computer routine, "If this... then that."  A game perfectly suited to a person with a keen grasp of numbers, a memory of frightening accuracy, and the discipline and ability to think logically, and reasonably.  Someone like Susan.  Me, I am an instinct gambler, playing to gut feelings, living by my wits, using the primal, ancient, sense of the universe that kept our ancestors alive in times of great peril, before they even knew what math was.  But, I grabbed twenty dollars worth of chips and took the open seat to Susan's left.

Soon, it was obvious Susan might be on to something.  Again, to paraphrase the inestimable Charlie Daniels, "Susan was raking in chips like Grant took Richmond."  While my pile was getting smaller and more pitiable.  But, Susan was there with a kind voice, and friendly advice.

I had 17 and the dealer was showing a 6.  She said, gently and politely, that it would be the smart move to stay, and not take a card.  But, my spidey senses were tingling, the ancient sense of self preservation was telling me the next card was a 4, generations of survival of the fittest was sure the next card was a 4.  Should I listen to Susan or thousands of years of hard won intuition, science or survival?  The answer was obvious.  Hit me, I almost screamed.  I was going to take a stand, and show the whole table how to use your senses, and free yourself from the chains of mathematics, I would not be reducing myself to a tick in a box on a questionnaire, this was going to be a victory for the individual., that society, and math teachers are so busy trying to suffocate.

Come on Mr. Dealer Man, show the world my 4, add my cards up to 21 and shower me with riches.  He turned the card over, tossing it on my pile  SIX, aaaargh, dammit, how did this happen???  I went over and the dealer drew a 4 for twenty, Susan had 21 so he took my chips and moved them to her pile.  And she said, kindly, "see, if you would not have taken that card the dealer would had 22 and you would have won."

And, briefly, I saw myself, confronting the dealer, as the next line from "Trudy" says so eloquently, "I accused him of cheatin' he reached for a pistol, I grabbed a chair and went upside of his head.  Then I took off runnin' like a motorcycle, heard the bullets whine and the sirens wail."  But, he seemed like such a nice, little old man, and he actually gave me a chip when I was down on my luck, before my wife rescued me with another twenties worth. And it was not his fault I lost, it was years of evolution, and the complacency of modern conveniences had dulled my senses, or maybe my ancestors were all having a good laugh at my expense.  I will have to research this a bit further before I know who to blame.

After a few more hands, she won, I don't remember how I did, we cashed out and went to check out the "Instagram" sensation but were too late.  Which is a little sad, it is not often you get to see an Instagram sensation in person.  And it would have been kind of cool, because I don't even know how a person might achieve such lofty status.

Later, one of our party of partiers bought some carnival ride tickets and went on a harrowing, terrifying, death defying ride, that will be covered in another post, as soon as the trauma subsides.

 It made a perfect teaching opportunity when we got home, when my sons asked how I did, my wife told them she thought I had lost, a little, and said, "that is why they call it gambling, unless it is your dad, then they call it donating."

We had a blast, I think this should go in the fond memories file, what do you think?