Troubles in the Deep South.

In the newspaper today there was a list of presidential candidates and the amount of money each had raised. It was an obscene, embarrassing amount of money. More money than most of us even knew existed. It was very troubling, and we should talk about how much it cost to purchase an elected official.  But there is something more troubling. Apparently, there are giant centipedes in Texas.

Yes, everything is bigger in Texas, and it is a source of pride. However, this is probably getting a little carried away. According to reports the terribly big, probably lightning quick, monster is not a real threat to humans. The bite will be more of a sting that causes swelling than a deadly, debilitating, rapidly accelerating venom induced death spiral. 

There is no confirmation but, our crack team of Life Explained investigators report that this huge, terrifying beast uses an alternate method to stalk humans. It scares people to death. Fortunately, we did not lose any reporters to this menace. Mostly because they reported from their homes, in the basement, behind closed doors, under the pool table, covered by a tarp.

Thank you, fearless investigative reporters. You have the gratitude of an adoring nation.

We would like to take this opportunity to add that Dr. Dawg has accepted no campaign contributions (not yet, anyway, wouldn't you like to be the first?). And, if elected he promises to make all the giant centipedes wear bells, trying sneaking up on someone and scaring the bejesus out of them sounding like a department store Santa Claus.

Here is the latest campaign video. If you have a special interest group you would like us to pander to just drop us a line. There are plenty of people who feel they are being ignored by the major party candidates, those are all people, our folks.

See, These are Things to Worry About.

Texas increases exports to Great Britian.

Britain's first infestation of the deadly Black Widow spider has been discovered in a machinery plant in East Norfolk.

Engineers at the plant discovered the notoriously vicious spider and, after a Google search to identify it, called in pest control. Factory workers and office assistants were evacuated by pest control officers as the spider was sealed in an air tight container.

A nest of eggs was later discovered in the same crate where the spider was originally found after more than 100 baby Black Widows hatched from a small sack the size of a pea.

'You could tell it was a Black Widow because of the hourglass pattern on the thorax and the aggressive stance the spider was taken once trapped in our containers,' said Ian Parkinson, a service manager at Abate Pest Control, who dealt with the request.

''We cordoned off the area in the yard where the spider was discovered and created a ring of insecticide around it. We then used electric and petrol based foggers on the rest of the site.

'After the factory was closed last night we then sprayed the office areas with a water-based insecticide as well.

'We are now satisfied that the premises is safe.'

It is believed that the spiders had come into the country from a delivery of imported machinery goods from Texas.

All products are fumigated before being exported but it remains a mystery as to how the spiders survived.

Mr Parkinson believes that Black Widows can survive up to some weeks after only one large meal so it is not unlikely that they would survive during transit.

Black Widow spiders are considered the most venomous spiders in North America.


The southern Black Widow has the shiny, black, globular abdomen with the distinctive red hourglass on the underside.

There was much skepticism about the potential problems caused by Aggressive Intercontinental Spiders jumping on jets and traveling the globe when first reported in "Another Thing to be Worried About." Experts ridiculed the idea saying "spiders will never be able to get through the rigorous TSA screening process."  Now who is laughing?

TSA head John Pistole refused to comment until reporters had emptied their pockets and taken off their shoes.  We hope to have a full report as soon they get through the metal detectors.

It is getting increasingly difficult to find safety in this world, but until then this site will bring you the difficult truth, because we care.