Flying, or Getting From Here to There With a Busload of Strangers.

Flying, a method of transportation that dates back farther than anyone can remember, for thousands of years it has been the preferred method of travel for birds, some insects, certain types of squirrels, bats (and balls).  There was even a dinosaur that grew wings and flew. It is worth noting that many, many, very, very knowledgeable scientists (well, maybe not that many) believe this may led to the extinction of this once proud, noble, ground moving species.

Imagine the first few tentative feet.  Clumsy, awkward, and uncertain, the lumbering beast manages to stay in the air long enough to experience the thrill of flight.  In a very short time it is circling gracefully, majestically, climbing, banking, sailing through the air, charging $7.00 for a Bud Light!!!  That's just robbery!!!  Pretty soon the whole dinosaur kingdom was up in arms, revolting against long lines, brutal security checks, rude attendants....  Oops, sorry, we will cover this in much more detail in our upcoming smash hit blog series "The History of Flight, or Why Do Think They Invented Parachutes, Anyway?

What we are here to discuss today is a particular airline.  Southwest Airlines.  Regular readers, friends, strangers in airports who happened to be unfortunate enough to be near me in airports understand my feeling about flying, I am not a fan.  But, Southwest Airlines carried my blind friend all the way from Omaha, NE to Columbus, OH and back again, and didn't lose him, even for a few seconds, and considering his predilection for wondering off in the blink of an eye, even when told "you wait right here, and don't move," (turning back around you find that somehow he has wandered into the alligator exhibit) that is quite an accomplishment.

Plus, they treated him with kindness, and made him feel comfortable, and got him from gate to gate with the care of a family member.  While we were waiting for him to board this morning the man from the counter came over and asked him about his transfer in Chicago, and whether he wanted to ride in a wheel chair or to walk.

Everything was handled with dignity, and care, and I hope this makes it into the hands of someone at Southwest who has some authority.  My whole family thanks you.

Our government,cooperating, isn't it cute?

Recently the Department of Homeland Security, along with the Department of State, and several intelligence agencies have voiced concern over an increased potential for "terrorist activity."  Increased "chatter" and "heightened activity levels" among several suspect groups, indicate the likelihood of a planned attack.  This has led to a surprising amount of cooperation inside the confines of the nations security organizations.

Chiefly, the NSA and the TSA have developed a strategy for sharing key information.  "Two agencies, hell bent on stopping terror before it starts, it just makes sense."  One staffer who spoke on the condition of anonymity said.

"It is so nice to be able to put a gauzy, almost discernible body with the voice."  Said Special Agent Taft Boykin of the NSA.  "We spend so much time listening to these conversations, and you try to imagine the general body shape, and condition, sometimes you are close, but sometimes it surprises you."

Benefits were almost immediate, too.  In a startling turn of events, Mike Slotking, of Pender Springs, IL, was talking on the phone to his barber about the possibility of sponsoring a basketball team for the upcoming season when a third voice came on the line.

"Mike, this is Private Contractor Geoff Smithson of the NSA, and I was looking over the scan from your last flight, and that mole on the underside of your left arm, right above the elbow is a little troubling.  You might want to have that looked at.  Also, if I were you, I would try to get that new kid from "Adell's Bakery, you know, the kid at the counter, the one who is always emailing his Dad about donut prices, well I guess you wouldn't know that.  But, get that kid to play point guard, he can shoot, pass, dribble with either hand, and is looking for a team.  Plus, John Calipari is calling several boosters to offer him fat money."

It turns out the mole was just a mole, but the kid could really play.  Mike's team won the championship after an undefeated season, his barber has a shiny new trophy for the mantle and the kid is making fat money as an amateur athlete.

As a nation we should demand more cooperation between government agencies.  There are so many potential benefits.

Throwing Caution to the Wind, Again.

On our way back, waiting for our flight, the flight here wasn't too bad. Of course, it wasn't without a few tense moments. Like takeoff, landing, and all of the flying in between.

It became almost surreal, when, about 20 minutes out of Chicago, the pilot announced;

"Due to  budget cuts in air traffic control personnel forced by sequestration  the tower at Midway is understaffed today. I'm afraid that this means we are going to need a little help bringing this baby home. Everybody in front of the wings please look out your windows for other airplanes, if you see one, scream, really loud. As we begin our descent those of you behind the wings will need to let me know how close I am to the ground. Passengers above the wings, you are responsible for praying, earnestly, passionately and with feeling."

It seemed a little suspect, but we made it, and it was nice to help out a little. Maybe flying on Monday will be a little easier. Also, we have decided to go through St. Louis instead. It is named after a saint, that can't hurt.  Let's hope Louis is the patron saint of reasonably priced airport food.

See, These are Things to Worry About.

Texas increases exports to Great Britian.

Britain's first infestation of the deadly Black Widow spider has been discovered in a machinery plant in East Norfolk.

Engineers at the plant discovered the notoriously vicious spider and, after a Google search to identify it, called in pest control. Factory workers and office assistants were evacuated by pest control officers as the spider was sealed in an air tight container.

A nest of eggs was later discovered in the same crate where the spider was originally found after more than 100 baby Black Widows hatched from a small sack the size of a pea.

'You could tell it was a Black Widow because of the hourglass pattern on the thorax and the aggressive stance the spider was taken once trapped in our containers,' said Ian Parkinson, a service manager at Abate Pest Control, who dealt with the request.

''We cordoned off the area in the yard where the spider was discovered and created a ring of insecticide around it. We then used electric and petrol based foggers on the rest of the site.

'After the factory was closed last night we then sprayed the office areas with a water-based insecticide as well.

'We are now satisfied that the premises is safe.'

It is believed that the spiders had come into the country from a delivery of imported machinery goods from Texas.

All products are fumigated before being exported but it remains a mystery as to how the spiders survived.

Mr Parkinson believes that Black Widows can survive up to some weeks after only one large meal so it is not unlikely that they would survive during transit.

Black Widow spiders are considered the most venomous spiders in North America.


The southern Black Widow has the shiny, black, globular abdomen with the distinctive red hourglass on the underside.

There was much skepticism about the potential problems caused by Aggressive Intercontinental Spiders jumping on jets and traveling the globe when first reported in "Another Thing to be Worried About." Experts ridiculed the idea saying "spiders will never be able to get through the rigorous TSA screening process."  Now who is laughing?

TSA head John Pistole refused to comment until reporters had emptied their pockets and taken off their shoes.  We hope to have a full report as soon they get through the metal detectors.

It is getting increasingly difficult to find safety in this world, but until then this site will bring you the difficult truth, because we care.