Draft Night, NBA

Last night was the NBA draft. A solemn, austere ceremony where young men are conscripted to travel to the far corners of the world to serve the common good... Not really, it is a big, splashy gaudy affair. Silly with television cameras, and reporters, all stalking young men whose fortunes are about to change.

It starts when a basketball team is given five minutes to decide which young man they are going to "draft," hand a boat load of cash, and expect a championship to come at his beck and call.

After the decision is made they tell the NBA commissioner, a man whose name escapes me, but it is not David Stern, he was the last guy.  The commissioner (for the sake of convenience we will call him Not David Stern) comes out and announces the choice solemnly and with the tone of a man delivering important news to a shaken, frightened nation, "With the 6th pick in the draft the (insert team name here) have chosen (insert young man's name here).

And then a young man, in a suit,  comes up and puts on a baseball hat, and kind of shakes hands, and kind of hugs (it is a modern version of a hand shake, and one I have never been able to master) Not David Stern. It is an odd picture, these very tall, young, athletic, men hugging this aging, short, bald man, somehow it seems as though it might be from a mafia movie.

Then, a panel of experts, some of whom played basketball, and some of whom studied journalism, talk about why it was such a good pick. There are a lot of technical terms, "wing span" and "shooting
range" "length" and "physicality." And then this panel of "experts" started rating them, "he could be a three, or a four." It seemed so insensitive, and cruel...  Just kidding, it was just the position they would play on the basketball team.

Today, the real work will begin, an agent, employed by the young athlete, will meet with lawyers representing the team's owners and begin negotiating the terms of employment.

Normally, it will start with the team's owners representatives saying something along the lines of "we would like the young man you are representing to accept this ridiculously large pile of cash, and come play basketball in our fine city."

Not to be outmaneuvered, the agent who is representing the young man will retort. "We couldn't possibly accept that much money. This player has never played a minute of basketball at this level, please accept our counter offer of this still large, but somewhat smaller pile of cash."... Not really,sooner or later they agree on a number that seems enormous to most people and the deal is made.

Just a disclaimer, I have always agreed with the sentiment expressed by Joseph Heller's character, Milo Minderbinder in that fantastic account of life in the modern world "Catch 22, "it is never a sin to tax as much as the traffic will bear."  So, if the owners can charge enough to pay the athletes that much it is fine with me.  I toast their success, and wish them the best.

Voting the ultimate charity.

We, here at Life Explained (#lifeexplained) have decided to move forward with a new fund raising strategy.  It is almost fool proof, it is almost perfect.  Plus, it is so simple that almost anybody can do it.  That's right, we are going to run for president.

Well, not all of us are going to run for president, not that all of us shouldn't run for president, don't get us wrong, all of us would make a wonderful president, you should be so lucky to have us all for president, being president would be easy for us after the things we have been through, why the stories we could tell you...  Anyway, we are going to pick one of us, and he, or she, is going to run for president.

Thorough research has indicated that campaigning for president maybe the most lucrative profession in the country.  And you don't even have to win, people will hire you to give speeches, and advocate on their behalf, and there are book rights, and made for television movies, and... it is just a good idea.

First, there are the fundraiser dinners.  People pay thousands of dollars to have a meal with us.  And we don't even have to cook, serve or clean up.  Where else are you going to find a sweetheart deal like that?  We have trouble getting somebody's mom to fix up a plate of cookies and drop them off once in a while.  And, then we have to wash the plate, and take it back.  And, if we ask for a few dollars for gas, maybe a cup of coffee for the trip back to work they ask like we are asking if we can move back home.  Which would not be so bad, we could help out with the yard work, and maybe pitch in for the groceries.  They could do a lot worse than us for a room mate, we can tell you that, we bring a lot to the table, we have a job, and our own microwave, and...  Anyway, there is a lot of money to be made in dinners like that.

Second, there is that cool bus, traveling across the country, shaking hands, meeting people.  Sitting down, breaking bread with the common people, the salt of the Earth, the good folk of this fine country.  Discussing the issues, exploring their priorities, learning what they feel is wrong and needs to be fixed in the nations capitol, and then ignoring it completely.  But, a lot of those little diners have excellent pie or cobbler, fresh, dairy churned ice cream, and big steaming mugs of hot, delicious coffee.  And, we are pretty sure someone else picks up the tab.  Man, the people of this country have it made, really, what are they whining about, we are the ones stuck in that stupid tour bus, with all of those boring charts, and displays, and the constant, endless whining sound of unemployment, budget, foreign policy, reach across the aisle, you know what, let the people put down their coffee mug, and spoon full of ice cream and cobbler, and deal with that stuff, that is what we think should...  Well, we are off to Dubuque, we hear The Golden Hen has a fantastic omelet.

Hey, is that a tax exempt political donation,
or are you just glad to see us. 

Third, there will be people lining up to hand us suitcases full of money.  How many times in your life have you been in a position to accept bags of cash from fantastically wealthy people?  We don't really care, that was not really a question it was more of a declarative, yes we realize it was phrased as an interrogative, but trust us, we can tell by looking at you nobody ever handed you a sack of cash.  It was an example of using rhetoric to emphasize the validity of an argument.   We used a phrase that would invoke a strong visual reaction to make a point.  What was the point?  Well... what was the point?  Oh, yeah.  There is a lot of money being handed to candidates today, and according to the candidates, and donors, it is not to influence policy, or buy elections, it is just to... it is only for... we don't know why they go around handing out serious piles of coin like that, and we don't care, we would just like to get out hands on some

Remember, it is your government, and it only works if you all vote, and donate, so get out and vote, and donate.  We take cash, checks and all major credit cards, jewelry, electronics, and motor vehicles. Can our opponents say that?