Time, an Unlikely Ally, Maybe.

Time has come and gone, and remains. It consumes my life. Time marches slowly, and waits for no one. Why am I so obsessed with time? It grips me in its cold, clammy minute, second and hour hands. It crushes me under the weight of my own expectations. Time is my enemy, my friend, a ghost that haunts my waking minutes and my sleep.

If I leave the house without a watch I am a wreck. Normally it is a constant accessory, and if it lays lonely on the counter after my departure it is not unusual for me to turn around and go back. "My precious."

Once, at a basketball tournament a guy asks if I have a cell phone. "Yes, why?" He wanted to know what time it was. "I have a watch. In fact I have several. Today I am wearing this lovely little number, with a calendar, a stop watch, a count down timer, and multiple time zones. Would you like to see pictures of my other watches?"

"No, I just want to know what time it is?"

"Oh, it is a quarter after one, here, would you like to know what time it is in Beijing? The relative humidity?"

He walked away without saying anything.

Recently, I got a fitbit. It is a watch that counts my steps, measures my heart rate, and other stuff. But, it tells time, hooray! Unfortunately, it leaves me in a terrible dilemma. I don't want to not get credit for the steps I take and the stairs I climb, but I want to wear my other watches too.

I am a man in distress. I am adrift in a sea of minutes, untethered from the seconds, unsure of the barometric pressure, or the meal my brethren in Bangkok are preparing. Damn the muse that bought me the fitbit.

This picture is only for representative purposes.
I don't really have an Apple Watch, thank God,
that would make things worse

Thanksgiving Comes Early

What a magic weekend, enchanted, and wonderful.  A weekend that brings so much joy to so many, so much pleasure to a tired nation.  This is the weekend the gods of chronology give us an extra hour sleep.  This is the weekend when you can wake up, look at the clock, and think, "no, it is not 8:00 it is only 7:00 and I can sleep another hour."  

 
Oh sure, the sadistic, heartless members of the irresponsible press will tell you to turn your clocks ahead before you go to bed tonight, but that is only a government generated, corporate approved, mandate designed to fuel the oppression, and control of the masses, keeping the population compliant, imprisoned, and toiling in anonymous, thankless labor, feeding the giant profits that our elected representatives, and their owners, big business, have come to enjoy. But, we here #LifeExplained™, are here to help set our brothers and sister, and moms, dads, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews free.

 
Before you go to bed tonight ignore your clocks, walk past them without a second thought, without a glance. Think of your clock as your job responsibilities and ignore them completely, thinking "oh, I will take care of that tomorrow." Maybe even have an extra bourbon, or scotch, beer, wine, of soft drink, and some more popcorn, nachos, or wings, and live life in complete gluttony, and complete disregard for all of the advice and concern of your doctor, and loved ones. Why not, you will get an Extra Hour Of Sleep. And sleep is the ultimate remedy.

 
Here, I would be remiss if I neglected to point out that our poor friends in Indiana don't get this fantastic gift. They have the same, dull, monotonous time all year long, going from day to day, never ending, robot like automatons. Always under the thumb of "the man," doing all of that stuff that Indiana natives are famous for, whatever that is. It is time Indianan… Indianian, Indianaiananian… Indiana natives, whatever you are called, it is time to rise up and demand an extra hour of sleep, it is your right.

 
So, tonight indulge, over indulge, and then have a little more. It is the night of extravagance, it is the night of rewarding yourself for all of those mornings where the clock was in charge, where the clock was the master. Tomorrow you have the upper hand, (at least for an hour) and that doesn't happen very often.