Team Building, and Brotherhood in the Workplace

Today we are going to talk briefly about the importance of maintaining a decent relationship with your coworkers. You spend so much time at work, and so many things require cooperation, and mutual respect that it is foolish to bicker and quarrel with fellow employees.

We, here at Life Explained, take our responsibilities toward our fellow stakeholders very seriously. We bought in a consultant from a large consulting firm to help us build strong ties, and foster a feeling of camaraderie, and mutual understanding.

One of the first exercises was called "Building Understanding Through Healthy Exchange And Dialogue. The consultant gave everybody a piece of paper and a pen. and asked us all to write down a secret, something shameful, and dark, that was never talked about, at work, or home, or even in our cups.

It seemed unusual, but we, here at Life Explained, take things very seriously. We obliged, handing our darkest secrets to this well dressed guy with the expensive looking watch and briefcase.  He sat down, at the table, on the stage in the auditorium, and read them.  His face became increasingly distorted, his eyes darting around the room, sweat started to bead on his brow, and his hands were shaking.

He left the papers, and the briefcase, and ran out the door, screaming "you people should be put away."

We were shocked. What was that all about?  Everybody looked at the person beside them, wandering what sort of monster was in the seat, right next to them. What had they done that was so awful that it would send a growing man running at full speed, screaming at full volume, from a crowded auditorium. An auditorium we had spent a considerable sum to rent.

Everybody was afraid to make any sudden moves, sitting next to... well, who knows what kind of beast they were sitting beside.

Security gathered the papers, and burned them. The consulting company refunded our money, very quickly. We decided joining a bowling league was a good way to build a sense of family, and it was.

In fact the results were so phenomenal we have decided to branch out a little. We have seen first hand the money that team work consultants charge, and there is no reason we can't bring in a little of that. Welcome to the "Life Explained Teamwork, Unity, Sanity and the Evolution of Advanced Teamwork."  We are here to help.

By the way, this is the first of the new logos, if you like it please let us know, if you don't like it, please tell us you like it, we are very fragile, just kidding, let us know if we are headed in the right direction.

A business model that works.

Looking back it was probably a pretty silly idea.  Why would anybody want to take a self defense class taught by a dog?  But, it was worth a shot, so we started "Doctor Dogs Self Defense Initiative."

We didn't have much of an advertising budget but word of mouth is very powerful.  Not nearly enough, though.  We went three weeks and only had one student, an skinny, far sighted kid, with a flair for programming, who helped us set up our network, and accounting software, so we gave him free lessons.  That kid was sharp, our computers ran flawlessly.  Plus, he was killer at WOW, he saved our butts from demons and wizards more than once.

Rent was starting to take a bite out of the working capitol and we had to do something.  Then it hit us.  We could create the demand.  We would start making people feel threatened, afraid, we would make people think they had to take a self defense class.

After some careful consideration, meticulous planning, and painstaking research we were at a complete loss. Finally we asked the kid, who turned out to be a pretty smart hire, he worked cheap, which is good, since we were broke.

He (the kid (William)) suggested we start a crime wave, nothing big, just a few muggings, maybe a robbery, break into a business, after dropping a few business cards around the area.  

Genius!!!  Or it would have been if we had business cards, or the money to buy some.  Never let it be said that a small problem slows down the Doctor Dog team.  We printed some flyers and hung them around the neighborhood.  "Feeling threatened by the impending crime wave?  Come to Doctor Dog, where profit isn't the only priority."  We felt that was honest, but reassuring.  

We worked out the details to sell the school to a frightened populace.  

Doctor Dog would dress up like a burglar.  He would mug somebody, and I would rush out and save them, telling them I had been trained in self defense at Doctor Dogs Self Defense Emporium, and they should think about attending a few classes.  "Someday, you might be able to save some poor citizen," I would tell them.

That night we waited in the shadows.  An elderly lady walked up and Doctor Dog leaped into action.  Unfortunately, she was an undercover police woman.  Even less fortunate, my timing was a bit off, so I leaped from the shadow of the dumpster just as she was applying a crippling arm bar on Doctor Dog.  Without hesitating, she pulled a taser from her purse, and dropped me like a sack of soggy Tortilla Chips.  

We were taken to jail, and had to call William to come bail us out.  His parents were furious.  To placate them we promoted William to Manager, and changed the business to Computer Consulting, which was brilliant, the company is doing splendidly, and William is a great guy, and a fantastic boss.  Since Doctor Dog and I are not completely technically proficient we have been promoted to building maintenance.  

Pardon me while I check the hand soap and paper towels in the kitchen.