Now Hiring, Pharmaceutical Geniuses.

We, here at the Ohio Division of Life Explained (ODLE), have decided to branch out a little. No worries, we are still going to provide the governments of the world with the finest detonatable and incendiary technology possible. But, the potential profit in pharmaceutical development and sales is almost impossible to resist.

Seriously, it is like a siren's song calling us to the rocky, dangerous shores of the island Wealth. Where there are enormous piles of money waiting for anybody who can navigate the treacherous waters of government interference and obstruction. Who knows better the safe streams and canals of congressional bribery* than the intrepid sailors of the Life Explained Legal Department.**

We are still trying to decide on the type of medicine we are going to start developing first, maybe something that will help people who are allergic to sodium and have heartburn. Start small, you know. Maybe something that helps people who are sensitive to bright lights, and still want to be famous. The possibilities are endless, and the earnings gigantic. We like the sound of that.

Please join us in our quest to make life better and get filthy rich, send your resume to;

Life Explained Pharmaceutical Division
Are there holes in your life that you're trying to fill
Because if you have a problem, boy, we have a pill***

* Just kidding, I am sure the good people in the government are all trying their hardest to keep us safe. If they make a little cash who can blame them, hey we all have to eat, right?

** Sorry, I am still excited by my new Kayak (name pending) and am trying to work in nautical references whenever possible, matey.

*** Thank you, Micheal Stanley Band. You could really rock and roll.

A business model that works.

Looking back it was probably a pretty silly idea.  Why would anybody want to take a self defense class taught by a dog?  But, it was worth a shot, so we started "Doctor Dogs Self Defense Initiative."

We didn't have much of an advertising budget but word of mouth is very powerful.  Not nearly enough, though.  We went three weeks and only had one student, an skinny, far sighted kid, with a flair for programming, who helped us set up our network, and accounting software, so we gave him free lessons.  That kid was sharp, our computers ran flawlessly.  Plus, he was killer at WOW, he saved our butts from demons and wizards more than once.

Rent was starting to take a bite out of the working capitol and we had to do something.  Then it hit us.  We could create the demand.  We would start making people feel threatened, afraid, we would make people think they had to take a self defense class.

After some careful consideration, meticulous planning, and painstaking research we were at a complete loss. Finally we asked the kid, who turned out to be a pretty smart hire, he worked cheap, which is good, since we were broke.

He (the kid (William)) suggested we start a crime wave, nothing big, just a few muggings, maybe a robbery, break into a business, after dropping a few business cards around the area.  

Genius!!!  Or it would have been if we had business cards, or the money to buy some.  Never let it be said that a small problem slows down the Doctor Dog team.  We printed some flyers and hung them around the neighborhood.  "Feeling threatened by the impending crime wave?  Come to Doctor Dog, where profit isn't the only priority."  We felt that was honest, but reassuring.  

We worked out the details to sell the school to a frightened populace.  

Doctor Dog would dress up like a burglar.  He would mug somebody, and I would rush out and save them, telling them I had been trained in self defense at Doctor Dogs Self Defense Emporium, and they should think about attending a few classes.  "Someday, you might be able to save some poor citizen," I would tell them.

That night we waited in the shadows.  An elderly lady walked up and Doctor Dog leaped into action.  Unfortunately, she was an undercover police woman.  Even less fortunate, my timing was a bit off, so I leaped from the shadow of the dumpster just as she was applying a crippling arm bar on Doctor Dog.  Without hesitating, she pulled a taser from her purse, and dropped me like a sack of soggy Tortilla Chips.  

We were taken to jail, and had to call William to come bail us out.  His parents were furious.  To placate them we promoted William to Manager, and changed the business to Computer Consulting, which was brilliant, the company is doing splendidly, and William is a great guy, and a fantastic boss.  Since Doctor Dog and I are not completely technically proficient we have been promoted to building maintenance.  

Pardon me while I check the hand soap and paper towels in the kitchen.