Your Government, a Work in Progress, well maybe progress, and work, are not the right words.

Ben Affleck mentioned Batman while appearing before the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee.  People seemed surprised that he would, with such ease, drop the caped crusaders name while testifying before congress.  Perhaps, they were worried he would dilute the Dark Knight’s brand by discussing the franchise in such a hostile, divisive, unproductive place.

No one seems too surprised that Ben Affleck, an actor, was testifying before the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on State, Foreign Operations and Related Programs.  Or, that he mentioned Batman to Vermont senator Patrick Leahy, who is such a big fan of the movie series he has managed to land a few bit parts in several of the films, and, will be appearing with Affleck in “Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.”

No one seemed surprised the Patrick Leahy was using his influence as a congressperson to land a bit part in an action film.  At least, being an elected official would leave plenty of time to pursue an acting career.  Imagine the thrill when the first member of congress receives an Oscar, it will probably not be for any sort of "best supporting" role.

Turns out Affleck founded the “Eastern Congo Initiative” and advocacy group focused on helping communities in Eastern Congo.  There is no formal explanation of the nature of his testimony.  One can only assume he was attempting to marshal support for his cause.

Maybe, though, he was there to familiarize himself with the “workings” of congress, for a future role.  Maybe, that role is elected federal official. 

And, just maybe, that is not a role.  Maybe, noticing the success Senator Leahy has had glad handing his way into Mr. Affleck’s world of fictional characters performing impossible feats of unbelievable daring, and bravado, the Academy Award winning actor feels it is a street that runs both directions. 

Patrick Leahy as the new Robin, and Ben Affleck as the new Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee.  

“Holy Crap, Batman, H. R. 4457 will provide much-needed certainty for beer distributors and their small brewer partners, as well as incentivizing investment, and job growth, we need to act fast.”

Super heroes for congress, somebody should have thought of this a long time ago.  You can thank us later.

Well Being, At Least Better Being,

As if there was not enough to worry about all ready, giant, invasive slugs, venomous, "face sized" spiders, and air travel, (all of which I have warned you, repeatedly about) now there is a new threat to mankind, at least the "man" part of mankind.  According to James O'Neil, a professor at the University of Connecticut, "men are conflicted, ambivalent."  I had no idea, now it is clear, though, I look around here, at the Top Secret Life Explained headquarters and all of the men have that haunted look of conflict and ambivalence.

Apparently, we are so "conflicted and ambivalent" that according to David Crary of the Associated Press, Dr. O'Neil writes extensively "on men's struggles over gender roles."  Dammit, this could be bad.

Our conflict and ambivalence over gender roles has almost certainly caused the strife and turmoil in the nations capitol, how can we expect congress persons to function under the weight of "being socialized to meet the old stereotypes."  When will they be able to find the "alternative models of masculinity" for which they yearn?  It has driven the world mad, I tell you.

How do we find our way out of this morass, do we need a hero, someone to ride in on a pale horse, or a custom built, extravagantly noisy motorcycle to save the day.  No, what we need, according to Dr. O'Neil, is "an expansion of psychological support for men wrestling with changing expectations."  Indeed, Dr. O'Neil, that is exactly what we need.  Because it is clear the "changing expectations" have us in the "stranglehold, submission lock of doom."


But, we here at Life Explained are here to provide that support, and a road map to emotional stability, in several installments, for free (hey it beats trying to think up something new everyday).  Today, we start with "Heroes, wow, that's cool!"

A smoky (here, we are going to use dry ice to create the effect, we all know the dangers of second hand smoke, and that would be irresponsible) conference room in Geneva, one person sitting on the "right" side of the table, a toothpick (I recommend Gum brand floss picks, gingivitis stalks the great and small alike, available at most fine grocery stores) hanging arrogantly from his/her mouth, dark aviator sunglasses, perched defiantly on the crest of the nose, covering the eyes with the mirrored glass of strength and resolve.

A man walks in and sits down, looking hopefully at our hero.

The toothpick moves slowly, purposefully from side to side, and after a few minutes that stretch almost to eternity, the larger than life person of indeterminate gender, our hero, President/Prime Minister/Chancellor (insert your favorite world leader here) takes the toothpick in hand and points it at the person, saying softly, yet forcefully, "enough with the anti-gay crap, Vladmir, and for God's sake put a shirt on.  We're finished here."

Adaptability is the key, we can be comfortable with almost anything, it just takes a little work, a small amount of tolerance, and the appropriate amount of clothing.

Please tune in tomorrow, when we discuss the "altered dynamics of subordinate, or why no one ever listens to me at work."

Watching the watchers,

Wanted Full Time Babysitter

Location:  Washington DC, our nations capitol, the center of power.

Responsibilities:  Must be able to watch and DISCIPLINE all elected officials, their staff, and interns.  Sadly the situation has been unsupervised for so long that the childish antics and petulant behavior has reached shameful proportions.  If you have read "Lord of the Flies" think of that, with infants.  There is no cooperation, or compromise.

This is not a job for the timid, extensive use of "time outs" will be required, and it may be necessary to actually spank many of them right on their seats of power.

Please send resume, and picture of time out stool, and spanking belt to "we, the people."

Rampaging Chickens.

According to a report in Sioux Falls Argus Leader, "Residents will need a license to own more than six chickens in the city limit."  This article was directly above the help wanted ad for "Municipal Chicken Counters, no experience necessary."

It may be a reform that is long past due.  Perhaps the city of Sioux Falls is about to be buried alive under domestic chickens.  There are so many good reasons for this sort of legislation.

Often, though, these laws, good intentioned though they may be, have unforeseen consequences.  What is going to happen to the 7th and 8th chickens in the yard of the Smiths on 9th street?  Here is a picture taken outside of a convenience store.  Clearly, this is not what the cautious and careful members of the Sioux Falls City Council had in mind while considering this law. 


But, the chicken is out of the bag now, and a terrified nation can only hope that it gets straightened out before tourist season is completely ruined.

Please, elected officials, legislate with care, the trusting citizens of this nation depend on your Solomon like wisdom.

Dear Elected Officials,

If you are done making a point, we would like our country, and our government back.

Thank you,

We the people.

Thank you, From Washington.

Since people are do not seem to be suffering enough with the Sequester Budget Cuts, congress has passed an emergency measure requiring people to turn their clocks ahead 2 hours.

Thank you,

Your Elected Officials