The Coming Disaster, A Precautionary Tale.

There was an article in a scholarly journal recently indicating that insects, spiders, mammals, in fact most species that are not human evolve more quickly. The assertion was generational influence operates on a fairly static principal, and since these “lower species” have a much shorter life span the influence is accelerated. The members who live, and reproduce create more robust, elusive, and able offspring.

No matter how you feel about climate change meteorological evidence proves that winters have been milder, and summers warmer. One of the effects of this climate change is the increased opportunity for reproduction. All of the sudden species are racing down the evolutionary highway.

Yesterday, my friend, John, was working in the dock of our building. He came across a huge spider. Even John found the size of this spider to be unnerving, and he doesn’t panic easily. He captured the spider in something sturdy, and tossed the beast outside.

“It turned around and looked at me, and I swear it gave me the finger.” He said. “It made me a little mad, but it was so big, and looked so angry I decided to let it go.”

I don’t blame him.

Today, I stopped to get gas. There were a couple of birds bouncing around on the concrete pad of the gas station. Dusty, brown birds, hopping closer and then retreating on the harsh gray concrete, looking at me, then bouncing up on the grass. They would start over again, coming to within a few feet of my car, then hopping away. Stupid birds, I thought.

Since I was dangerously close to getting to work early I decided to stop and get a cup of coffee. There was a Tim Horton’s right on the way. Coffee for me, and some donuts for my associates, bar keep.

As I walked back to my car, a cup of coffee, and box of donuts a wonderful companion to my little stroll, I saw two birds right by my car. They looked like the same birds! One of them flew up and came to rest on the railing of the cargo carrier on top of my car. He looked at me, black, pupil less eyes flashing, anger, resentment and contempt.  It was a little unnerving.

“What are you doing?” I asked, trying to sound intimidating.

The other bird flew up and landed on the hood over the motor of my car, turned, looked at me and said, “We’re going to follow you around. You can’t escape. We are going to ruin your day.”

Stunned, I stopped, feet frozen, knees locked, mouth moving making no sound. I didn’t know what to

do, what to say to a bird who was threatening me.

“Yeah, we hate you.” The one on the top of the car said.

“Why?” Squeaked out.

“Oh, I don’t know. Pollution, deforestation, urban sprawl, wars, walls, windmills. A general lack of concern for every other creature on the planet.” He said, his voice whistling through the air, cutting like a tree branch being swung in anger, the barbs and thorns right in the front, ready to rip off flesh. He bounced and turned, and looked at me sideways.

“But, I have this World Wildlife Fund commemorative leather wrist band with a panda device right on the badge. All proceeds from the sale went to protect the environment.”  I said, my voice shaking, my hand shaking as it attempted to point at the ornamental band on my wrist and hold the coffee. My wrist was shaking, trying to turn the emblem out and hold the donuts.

They screeched with what I am assuming was bird laughter. The bird on the hood looked at a group of squirrels who had gathered on the wooden privacy fence that kept the mechanics shop dreariness from spilling onto the donut shop parking lot, and said, “Isn’t that cute, he has a bracelet?”

One of the squirrels laughed so hard he fell off the fence.

“Our hero,” the big squirrel at the end said, wiping tears off his face with little squirrel paws. “I guess that makes up for driving the car, all alone, every day. Or the years of trash, and waste, and neglect.” He was starting to sound a little angry. 

I jumped at a sound behind me, turning so quickly most of my coffee ended up running down my leg, burning all the way. Hot, steaming, delicious liquid, dark and tempting, soaked into my sock, the loss was painful, the pain was immense.

Two of the angriest geese I had ever seen were walking towards me, cursing, and hissing. Language so awful I can’t repeat it here, or anywhere.

I backed up toward the store, my left heel bumped into the raised sidewalk and I knew the wall was only a few feet away. I was trapped. All of the animals were fanned out in front of me, chanting softly, uniformly, something deep, primal, terrifying. It resonated in my bones, in my ears, I could feel the anger in my chest and stomach.

I was out of options, and time. I threw the box of donuts at them. It fell short and they spilled over the parking lot.

“Hey, donuts!” They all sang. And started eating ravenously.

I jumped in my car and sped off, breaking speed limits, traffic regulations and common decency. But, I got away. If you happen to be in the north part of town and a bunch of city animals ask about me don’t tell them where I am, please.

Life, How to Survive.

Life is not a constant. It flows around obstacles, a stream that runs through a shifting bed of rocks, fallen trees, and shifting, changing hazards. Each capable of sinking your fragile boat. All you can do is navigate as best as you can, and hope for a little luck.

Luck is not always so helpful, though. Sometimes luck can turn around, and go bad, like cheese accidentally put in the cupboard instead of the refrigerator. Luck can be good, or bad, and shifts back and forth without much effort. No, you should rely on hard work, instead.

Hard work is its own reward they say. And it never hurts to put your shoulder to the wheel, and your nose to the grindstone. Well, it can hurt your shoulder, and your nose. And you have to push the shoulder on the wheel with something. Which will cause your back and your legs to be a little sore and stiff. And, if you think about it putting your nose on a grindstone, well that is just not a good idea, and there is no way to make it sound good. Maybe a person should rely on instincts.

Mankind has made it this far by outsmarting all of the things trying so hard to destroy it.  Hungry predators, fatal disease, cruel climate, and changing conditions have been trying to turn the knob and end the reign of mankind for generations. Yet, man in his weak flesh, and downgraded sensory array has managed to survive, even flourish. Of course most people would not survive long if they did not have insulated walls, thermal, fashionable clothing and wifi. Maybe, instincts have dulled with the supremacy afforded by technologically advancements.  Maybe intelligence is enough to save man from the trash heap of history.

It is intelligence that gave man wifi and North Face clothing. Forced air furnaces and frosty, blended

margaritas. Intelligence affords a certain standard of living for man, and his domesticated animals. Intelligence provides automobiles for travel so man can be comfortable zipping from one comfortable location to another.  Intelligence gave mankind jet planes, loaded with bombs to rush in drop high explosives on strangers, flame throwers for setting people on fire without crossing the street. Technology is kind of a double edged sword that cuts deeply, often, terribly, and without regard for right, wrong, ideology, or origin.

Tune in next week I will have the answer.

Life Explained, Evolves, Eventually.

Of the many things I am going to emphasize in 2016 is making a more visual presentation online. I have a new camera, and several new apps. It is an exciting time here at the top secret Life Explained world headquarters.

Of course, it is not going to be easy. Looking back at the early days many LE posts did not even have a picture, and many of them that did have a graphic have a blank spot where the picture used to proudly sit. Still not too sure how that happened, it might have been me, it might have been Google, heck it might have been Thor god of thunder, I don't know.

And the few videos I have managed to assemble have been rickety, rough, cobbled together things with little redeeming value. Hope springs eternal, though, and I am blessed with a wonderful capacity for forgiveness. Plus, I am used to forgiving my shortcomings, it has been a hobby for a long time.

Evolution is irresistible,though. Graphics and video production are calling me. Which, I fear, spells big trouble for you, out there in Life Explained Nation. Eventually they will all end up here.

To help build your immunity, sort of a "vaccination," I have decided to take some old pictures and add a little arrow that normally signifies "play" on a video. You can adjust more slowly, and when the videos start rolling in they won't seem so bad.

Here, in one act, Life Explained, the Video*.

*This is only a test, had this been a real video the little arrow on the picture above would have take you to a far, far better place, or not.

Football, evolution and the curse of the modern world

It is Sunday, late summer, and the air is cool and comfortable, sometimes a little too cool to be comfortable, still it feels like summer is gone. Summer is great, everybody loves summer, all of the sun, and swimming, but it can really wear out its welcome. Ninety degree heat and ninety percent humidity can create drag, friction. If it weren't for all of the sweat there would be a lot of people bursting into flames. Sweat is a wonderful evolutionary device.

Evolution has given us quite a bit. It has taken us from our early days of roaming from place to place, digging in the dirt for roots, chasing down animals, hunting and gathering, to a civilized world filled with soaking wet, sweaty people who are chasing down bargain meat, and vegetables in Mega Stores. Fighting over the last 3 pound package of reduced price ground chuck, as you watch helplessly from the back of the crowd, thinking "I wish those people would burst into flames, and I could grab that package of delicious hamburger, and feed my family."

But, they won't. Because evolution has provided us the means, at great expense to keep these gigantic, cavernous buildings cool and comfortable. And filled with wonderful food products that will sustain our families for the long week ahead, even during football season.

Football season dramatically increases the caloric intake of the average American family. Evolution has given us the intelligence to watch our favorite teams play, no matter where the game is, right from the comfort of our living room. There is so much yelling and screaming and gnashing of teeth, that it requires a dramatic increase in sustenance. Mostly beer, chips, and pizza.

It takes a lot of food and drink to watch, big sweaty men play a game. Watching with hope, against all common sense, really burns calories. It really takes energy to watch a dream die right on television. How often have we wished that the speedy running back streaking down the sideline, (as our team's defense watches helplessly with no chance of catching him) would burst into flames, the ball bouncing to our team, and saving us the humiliation of one more score in a lop sided loss?  But, evolution has saved the speedy, impossibly muscled young man safe from spontaneous combustion.

In short, evolution is mixed blessing, particularly during football season. Tune in next week when we discuss Survivor for football officials, (vote the blind one off the island) an idea whose time has come.

Hey, you can't argue with fate.

I am a rational, reasonable adult, far from perfect, but mature, and free from the most major defects, for the most part.  Sure, there is a very rational fear of spiders, but that is just self preservation, and if you set up a Google Alert for spider news, like I have, you would see why.  And, nobody can really be all that comfortable flying, for one thing you are packed in that metal can so tightly that you need to synchronize your breathing with the passenger next to you, (fortunately, I hardly breath on planes) and you are squeezed into toddler seats (I don't even like to be that close to my family) and then they fling that sucker through the air in defiance of all laws of nature, science and reason.

And then some smug, arrogant condescending, disembodied voice has the nerve to say, "please put away all reading material, and shut off any electronic devices, please don't even think about using anything that might give you any brief pleasure in the last few precious moments of life, or distract you for even a few seconds from facing the certain death that waits all of you when we finally get this giant mess of aluminum and tangled wire off the ground..."  Oops, sorry about that, most times they don't sound that smug, at all.  Wait, where was I?  Oh yeah.

I like to think of myself as a sane, normal adult.  And recently it seems that maybe I am spending too much time with technology, and not enough time with reality.  It seems like I am constantly checking the status of my village in Clash of Clans (doing quite well, thank you), or Dark Ages (a little behind the eight ball here, need some more lumber mills to really make some time), constantly chasing more elixir or conquests.  Always trying to score big points using middle school vocabulary in "Words With People Who Always Win,"  Maybe that time should be spent with people, maybe I should use those words in conversation.

"Hey, 'Words With Friends' friend, how about I buy you a cup of coffee, and we just talk?"  That seems reasonable, right?

Maybe, it is time to put aside the iPhone, the iPad, cable TV, computers, blue tooth, Blu-Ray, Xbox,

all of the technological meth amphetamines of life, and start looking at the world through eyes long addicted to terminals, flat screens and the retina displays.  What wonders wait just beyond the steel cage of the technology?  Why must we always heed the siren's call to our devices?

It might be time to put all of these toys aside, grow up a bit, and meet life's challenges head on.

Maybe not, though. Last week I left my phone at home, and the withdrawal symptoms were so severe they required hospitalization, thank the gods for health insurance.  And I have that free video "rental" from Red Box that expires today, shame to let that go to waste, it is like a license to print money.  My wife and I have been happily married for a long time, no pointing in tempting fate through conversation.  What will she think if she finds out how dull I really am, and leaves me for somebody fascinating?  Where will that leave our children.

Maybe personal electronics are the next step in evolution.  Crawl out of the ocean, leave the cave, climb down out of the trees, put on a shirt, some pants and a pair of shoes, and start a virtual empire on your iPhone.  It kind of makes sense in a cosmic way, if you think about it.  Maybe we are supposed to learn to use these tools, like we harnessed fire, and incorporated the wheel into our lives.   Who am I to argue with destiny?

Well, I'm glad we got that out in the open, it is certainly a big relief.