To Whom it May Concern, and everybody else.

Recently things have been a little tight, here at Life Explained, Ohio (LEHELLNO). We have had to take a few side jobs. Hey, we all got to eat, right. Taxes ate up a big chunk of our capitol and a few foolish investments, devoured the rest.

The investment that hurt the most was the atomic car. What an idea. Until you run into a Google driverless car, and they get in a huge shouting match, each car blaming the other for the accident, soon they open fire and the car powered by splitting the atom self destructs and levels half of Milwaukee, including the Blatz Brewing Company, and Miller Park, home of the Brewers. It cost a fortune to rebuild, and we had to close our Wisconsin branch permanently.

Anyway we had to take odd jobs to make ends meet. Dr. Dawg is working as a herd dog on a turkey farm down in Southern Ohio. He hates it, but he has taught the turkeys how to organize a labor union. They have petitioned the National Labor Relations Board for Thanksgiving off, and it is looking promising. Unless you were planning on having turkey, that is.

I had to take a job clearing Rebel scum from the galaxy. Fortunately I had read the book "The Idiot's Guide to the Force for Dummies." I wanted to take a job with the rebel alliance, but the brochure "Come over to the Dark Side. We have paid holidays, a retirement plan, dental insurance, and casual Fridays" really got to me.

Plus, the Death Star Juice Bar is first rate, with Endor Forest Fruit Smoothies that are as delicious as they are delightful.

I still get to wear the comfortable blanket looking robe thing, and the hours are pretty good. Management can be a little officious, and the rules are repressive, but, it beats the hell out of tutoring snotty rich kids.

I have to go clean out a facility on the frozen planet. I will talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

Life Explained.

A list, people love lists.

Interesting Facts, (well maybe they are not interesting, and some of them are probably not facts) A List.

1. If you are going to try to tune up your car mark the spark plug wires, apparently they have to go in some sequence, and the tow truck operators find this hilarious.
2. "Bloody Marys" are not considered a serving of vegetables by most doctors.  We will let you know about the fruit value of a "Screwdriver."
3. Nostradamus, in an ancient text, predicted all of the Super Bowl winners up until last year.  I wish I had read the book earlier.  Dangit!!!
4.  All of the continents used to be combined into one Super Continent called Pangaea, but it broke up.  It wasn't you, though, it was us.
5. "Rock and Roll" by Lou Reed, from the album "Rock and Roll Animal" will last almost all of the way from where I get on the freeway to work, if traffic is light.  
6. Lou Reed really was a Rock and Roll Animal.

If you have some fascinating facts you would like featured in a future edition of the Ever Popular "Life Explained List of Facts" email us at tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com.

Thank you, and have a nice day, that's an order.