Top Secret meets Irresistible Force.

While our search continues for the ideal executive officer for Life Explained we have decided to try other, well tested approaches to the day to day operations of the company.  Obviously, CEO for a day did not work.  But, there are many different approaches to running a multinational, top secret, enormously profitable, fantastically innovative research and development facility.  We think.  

It is hard to say, for sure.  There are not a lot of periodicals, or publications discussing top secret research facilities management practices, probably the top secret thing.  

Maybe, though, there are mountains of research, hidden away in deep caverns.  Using stealth, and cunning to infiltrate the facility we can make off with all of information.  Of course there are probably heavy iron gates.  Gates covered in locks.  Gates patrolled by machine gun toting judo experts, reeking of energy drinks, after shave, and testosterone.  

Probably dogs, too.  Big, drooling, vicious dogs, who are not slowed by the weighty addition of rabies, or distemper vaccines.  Barbed wire collars, kevlar helmets reflecting the florescent light, untrimmed claws clicking on tiled floors as they goose step in front of the only entrance.  Don’t forget the robots, armed with laser rifles, waiting just inside the electrified fence.  

Obviously, this is going to take some planning.  

What we need to do is convert the espresso machine into a large bore, high velocity glue gun.  We can mount it on top of the Prius, right in front of the sunroof, and use the HSD (Hybrid Synergy Device) to super heat a 4 gallon bucket of Roberts Wood and Bamboo Floor Adhesive (only $240.50 @ at Grainger's) to 375°F (17 Pounds Sterling °C).  Using the high volume air compressor (Ingersoll Rand Garage Mate Air, 2 HP 5.2 CFM, only $559.99 at Northern Tool, with free shipping (act now, limited time offer)) soon to be installed in the hatch back (powered by the CVT (Continuously Variable Transmission)) we will spray the entire security contingent, with quick drying commercial adhesive.

They will be helpless, solidified, watching as we drive off with all of the carefully guarded secrets.  Secrets once believed inaccessible.  It will be the heist of the century.  Of course, the century is barely 15 years old, (or maybe 16, depending on math, and we don’t want to go down that road, and fall into that abyss, again do we?) so it may not last, but still it will be cool.

Wait, that isn’t what we were discussing at all.  Oh, yes, our search for leadership.  We tried a democratic approach, and that was a mess, everybody voting on everything, we can explain that tomorrow.  It took forever, but our time is gone for the day.  And, we have some technical work to perform on Bob's (Bob from Inventory Control) car.  

Tune in, for Life Explained, A Failed Republic, or “I Vote For Cream and Two Sugars In Your Coffee, it’s just better that way."

It was nice while it lasted.

Recently we found a new portal to a different dimension.  It was opened, completely by accident, when the receptionist, here at Life Explained, pressed the button to open the front door, (after he spoke with the person through the intercom, it was just an employee who forgot her security card) which is a button on his computer keyboard, and posted a status update on Facebook, which was a copy of tweet he read, while answering his smart phone, which was plugged in to his computer, charging and updating, all at the same time.  It seems so much duplex communication created a rift in the delicate fabric of reality.

It was pretty cool, but no one was sure what to do, a huge swirling opening in the reception area.  We all stood around, looking at this thing, trying to make a decision.  Should somebody walk through, stick their hand through, maybe a trash can, or that annoying person from the legal department, I think his name is Bob.  

Bob, from sales, threw his business card into the "opening" and in seconds his phone rang, and someone from other dimension ordered two hundred thousand units of the most expensive books in stock, and added a huge gratuity, just to be nice.  There was a problem with an inter dimensional line of credit, but, for that kind of order, our accounting people can be pretty creative.

As Bob, from accounting,  was setting up the inter-dimensional wire of funds, he got an email offering him a job, doubling his salary, setting up a network for the "people" on "the Other Side" of the portal.  It seems they had a lot of trouble finding decent consumer convenience items, and what they could find were overpriced, and shoddily constructed.

A scream of delight signaled, sent people rushing to the R&D department where the intern was dancing around, a smile of joy on her face, talking excitedly about the text message from "the Other Side," offering to buy her latest painting.  The offer was so generous she could actually quit, and go to an art and design college of some renown. 

Soon, people were scrambling to get close enough to toss a card, a post it note, cocktail napkin,

Doberman Setter

anything that would hold a hastily concocted, quickly scribbled business proposal, an offer of service,  or a fantastically embellished resume.

Before long people were pushing, shoving, kicking, biting, anything to get close enough to toss their hopes into the spiraling, unusual wishing well.  It got so bad we had to post a security guard.

Sadly, when Bob, from building started the microwave (to warm his hollandaise sauce) and the toaster oven (to Benedict his eggs, if that is proper verb), he threw the breaker, and when he went to reset it, he accidentally shut off the power to the whole building.

The vortex shut down, without a sound.  All of the notes were gone, though, and occasionally someone will get a phone call, or email, from "the Other Side," just saying hello.