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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Search Continues. Now Hiring part Deux.

We posted an ad for a new CEO last week, and the response has been overwhelming.  People are lining up outside the office now, looking for an edge.  Some carrying signs, "hire me, I am perfekt for the job," or "hire me, I have a degree in 'top secret organization management,'" or "hire me, I need a job, and I know where you live."  Clearly, there are many strong candidates for the position.  But, we have also been inundated with internal candidates as well.  It seems everybody wants a chance to choose what to have for lunch.

Feeling it would be a mistake to overlook a choice that was already sucking up some of the payroll we started evaluating the prospects within.

We have always been an egalitarian group, and that isn't going to change.  Everybody contributes to the success of our organization, and everybody has a stake in our continued growth, and everybody should get a say in a matter this important.  So, we took all of the names of the people who expressed an interest in being the big kahuna, the wheel, the suit that runs the store, if you will, (oddly enough it was everybody in the whole company) and voted.

It was a close race, but in the end, it was a tie, everybody had one vote.  At first we thought Dr, Dawg won, he had two votes.  A recount revealed he had voted twice, though.

It didn't take long for that little trick to catch on and people were rushing to pens, paper and ballot box. The sound of pens, scribbling furiously, was almost unbearable, and the boxes were bulging, overflowing with scraps of paper, index cards, napkins, anything that a name could be written on.

We decided the best way to handle the promotion was an essay contest.  "How I would handle authority, and the responsibility of being in control."  Everybody turned in copies of the US Constitution, the Emancipation Proclamation, the Magna Carta.  Good examples of the use of power.  It was too hard to choose, we should have said it had to be original.

We thought about an arm wrestling contest, but Bob from the Department of Weight Lifting was too big.  Which is kind of surprising, most of did not even know we had a Weight Lifting Department.  A good executive would know these things, another reason to continue the search.

One idea that seemed plausible, taking turns, everybody would get to run the company for one day.  We setup a rotation.  Every day the CEO would be from a different department.  We felt this was the fairest method, plus it would provide a fresh perspective daily.

On the first day, Bob, from Customer service sent the following email.  

When he was informed that was probably beyond the scope of his authority, he tried to fire everyone in the company, screaming, "you will feel the wrath of Bob, the Invincible."  It took the entire secretarial pool, and the guy delivering the donuts, and cookies to subdue him.  Fortunately, none of the donuts, or cookies were damaged.

We are still looking for a CEO, and will continue our search.  If you know anybody competent, have them contact us at, or leave a comment with their qualifications, educations, and list of medications below.

Thank you,