Dateline: Washington DC

In surprise news from the capital elected officials did nothing to solve the deadlock, end the government shutdown, or even ameliorate the anxiety caused by the sequester cuts.

Meetings are not scheduled, phone calls are not planned, emails are un-typed, and progress is not being made in a dramatic fashion.  In unrelated news several large conference rooms are available for rent, cheap, in the capitol building.  "Hey, we're not using them, and they would be great for weddings, bar mitzvahs, or family reunions, " one elected official (who would only identify himself as "crazy Bob, the Capitol's Best Realtor) said "but, you will need to clean them yourselves, all of the janitors are furloughed."

"We were elected to lead this great nation," one congress person told us, anonymously, "and that is what we are doing.  Don't blame us if it looks a little silly from the outside.  Hey, I was a dentist, before being elected, and there were no classes in national governance, and finance, international cooperation, or consensus building among disparate ideologies in dental school, and nobody gave us any directions when we got here (in fact they were kind of sanctimonious jerks).  We are just kind of winging it.  They all think it is so easy, maybe they should try it once in a while.  Ingrate constituents, anyway.  I tell you this is like pulling teeth."

The forecast for today, expect torrential downpours of pointing fingers, flurries of childish, petulant behavior and gusts of complete disregard for responsibility.

Tune in tomorrow, when I will predict (within 2 points) the winner and the point spread of tonight's NFL game between two teams, whose names escape me for the moment.  I think it is the Millionaires vs the Filthy Rich. but I will investigate further.

Austerity Measures.

Due to the cutbacks forced by the government shutdown the patrol of the national parks and monuments is being handled by UAVs (Unmanned Aerial Vehicles).  This move alone will provide enough savings to pay the salary of 2.5 Congress people.  Fortunately, there are .5 congress people scattered throughout the Capital.

Caution will be needed while in the vicinity of any of these, the programmers and all of the senior operators have been furloughed.  You see, these cutbacks are hard on everyone.

Please feel free to move about the country, but keep your eyes looking toward the skies.  We all need to make sacrifices.

The time is now.

It is imperative in times of national turmoil that we pull together as a nation.  We need unity, and cooperation if the country is going to pull through these difficult times.  There are so many wonderful things happening in our great land why let a few differences rip us apart?

We should all come together, make amends and move forward.  There are many challenges that offer our country the opportunity to go beyond the most significant goals we have ever reached.  There are unique possibilities for working in unison, toiling together to overcome the difficulties, that should be pulling us closer, not pitting us against each other.

New potential achievements await at every turn, we can climb so high, together.  Now is the time for action.

If only my learned colleagues from the other party could see how stupid they are acting, if only they weren't so stupid.

Signed,

Any member, either house of Congress.

PS, please forward my pay checks to my vacation home in Belize, where I will be serving the needs of my constituents, one fruity, delicious, umbrella carrying drink at a time.