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Sunday, April 14, 2013

Can I See Your Insurance Card and I.D., Please?

Recently, according to a report in the Columbus Dispatch, the Ohio Historical Society (working at the request of a Canadian researcher who is compiling a global data base of mummy x-rays and scans) sent their Egyptian mummy to a local hospital for a CT scan.

It turned into quite a procedure. The doctors jumped at the chance to use "Lamborghini of scanners," yes, it was THE "Siemens SOMATOM Definition Flash dual energy slice CT scanner." Which, according to reports, looks like a "big, white donut." Reports were not clear whether it was powder sugar or coconut glazed donut.

In less than two hours they captured over 8,400 images. Which is a significant number of pictures, so it was no surprise that they noticed an abnormality in some of the images. Being seasoned health care professionals they jumped into action.

Recognizing that time was of the essence for the 2500 year old mummy, they decided to order a a battery of thorough, expensive tests. An ambulance was summoned and the mummy was rushed across the street to the emergency room, where her priority status, due to the lack of heartbeat, and "greatly reduced brain activity" got her a place in line, to show her insurance card and I.D. to a surly counter attendant, dressed in medical garb.

After looking at her chart a doctor said, with firm, and confident authority "we need an MRI and a battery of blood tests, STAT!" As he headed to the Starbucks nestled conveniently between the ATM and the portable defibrillator.

At the time of this report the mummy was still waiting to see a doctor, or even a nurse, and was reported to say, "right now, I would be happy to see the custodian."

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