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Friday, April 12, 2013

Maybe We Should Just Stay Indoors.


Here at Life, Explained we are willing to make any sacrifice necessary to keep you safe in a world filled with danger.  We would be willing to travel to the ends of the world, but thanks to our friend, Susan, we only had to open our Facebook page to find this latest threat to mankind, and we can do that while relaxing in our easy chair, in our slippers, without risk, in climate controlled comfort, if only our wife would bring us another cup of coffee, then we could really get some work done.

From the USA Today, 


A fisherman in Belarus was bitten to death by a beaver, and all he was doing was trying to take its picture, Sky News reports. The man spotted the beaver while fishing with friends at Lake Shestakov, but as he approached to take a photograph, the beaver bit him on the thigh. The animal managed to sever an artery, and his friends couldn't stop the blood flow.
Sky News helpfully reminds us that beavers can, of course, bite through trees. Beaver attacks are rare, though, and when they do occur, rabid beavers are generally to blame (as in the 2012 attack in upstate New York)  But just this week, a video was posted on YouTube showing a beaver going after a Russian man, reports the Telegraph, and two girls were seriously injured after being mauled by a beaver in Virginia last year.
When traveling, or fishing, always remember, that while wild animals may appear cute and cuddly and photogenic as all hell, they are just waiting for a chance to sever an artery, and seal your fate, punch your ticket to the great hereafter, leave you sleeping with fishes (who are out to get you too, coincidentally), send you to the great wildlife refuge in the sky, all dues paid.  Don't let that furry, fuzzy facade fool you, these are vicious, violent, demented, dangerous, destructive demons bent on destroying all mankind and laying claim to the entire planet as the kingdom of the animals....  Oops, sorry about that, we are just so worried about our brothers and sisters in the family of man that we get carried away sometimes.  

The point is, always ask your friend to take the picture for you, that is what friends are for.