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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

We are only human, some of us, after all.

People often send in resumes, asking for unpaid internships, offering bribes and kickbacks, anything to get their foot in the door at Life Explained.  After all, this is a hard working group of dedicated servants of the planet, who want nothing but an improved quality of life for the residents of Earth, and not just the people, either, plants, animals, insects, we care for them all.  True, we are not all that fond of spiders, or snakes, or giant, mucous covered snails.  But, we want them to be happy, and healthy, just not around here, then we can be happy, as well.  That is why it is troubling and brings much us much sadness to report that even we are not immune to the scandals that are buffeting the nation.

Recently, we developed a small unmanned aerial vehicle to fly stealthily around the Life Explained campus finding the true stars, those who go above and beyond to make things better, the heroes who sacrifice selflessly, giving their all in a valiant effort to improve everything, for everybody.  It was only an effort to recognize those toiling, sweating, bleeding, willing to give their all in An Effort to Make Everything Better for Everybody All of the Time.  Our new company motto, by the way.  Unfortunately, Occasionally Reality Stomps Good Intentions Into The Ground. Our old motto, it is easy to see why we needed a change.
Since we are so comfortable with technology (we are bloggers, after all) we outfitted our drone with  thermal and video cameras, radar avoiding composites, an array of aroma detection sensors (in case anyone brings in fresh donuts) and some light weaponry, nothing lethal, just fun stuff, you know?  This would be a good time to apologize to the people in the hallway, on the 7th floor of building E in front of the elevator at 9:33 this morning.  We are very sorry, but, you did look funny, running, screaming and  waving your arms, it looked like you were being chased by a swarm of bees.  You will be able to see it on YouTube as soon as we clear it with the lawyers, and as soon as Bob from Human Resources gets out of the hospital, we had no way of knowing about the hernia surgery.  Sorry Bob, it was all in good fun, we are sending over a form, nothing important, please sign it and send it back, right away.

It was a terrible surprise when we caught one of our own, laying down on the job.  Dr. Dawg, was supposed to be researching important methods of combating lethargy.  It seems he lost the battle.
We are very sorry to say, in light of this terrible breach of protocol, complete disregard for rules, and workplace ethics, and dereliction of responsibility, we had to dismiss Dr. Dawg.  Sent him packing, all dues paid,  good bye, good luck, and God bless you.

Oh, heck, we can't fire Dr. Dawg.  For one thing he is the designated driver, the majority share holder, and the short stop on the soft ball team.  Plus, he throws the best parties, last year at his birthday bash Three Dog Night performed songs by the Stray Cats.  Man, that guy kills us!