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Monday, June 17, 2013

Ah, the good old days.

Sometime today I will be 54 years old.  It used to seem like 54 was old, and anybody who actually lived that long was probably very lucky, took very good care of themselves and was either on a transplant list for something, or in cryogenic storage, waiting for some fortunate soul to discover the Fountain of Youth. Now, it seems pretty young (heck, most days I still feel like a child, no more than 48).  Everything is relative.  Our view of the world depends on where we are.

I am old enough to "remember" when everything was better, athletes, music, television, movies, all of it, a golden age of life too powerful for any of today's generation to endure, let alone understand.  Of course, on the few occasions I run across someone even older than me they tell me how good things were in their youth.  Maybe, they are right, maybe "progress" is not helping.  Maybe we need to look into stagnation for a while.

Albert Einstein is supposed to have said, "technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."  Well, that does not sound like a very good idea, and considering how much the man helped with the progress of technology lends a little weight to his words.  So, what can we do?

I am glad you asked, because I have a plan, 54 years in the making.  One day every week we turn off all of electronic devices.  Cell phones, tablets, lap tops, televisions.  Everything needs to be shut off.  Don't use the microwave, or oven, grill all of your food, or better yet, eat it raw?

Timing is critical, nobody wants this to happen on a really good television day, last night was game 5 of the NBA finals, (never mind that sports used to be infinitely better when I was young, like everything else) and nobody should have to miss something like that.  And, if you need to check scores you can switch on one internet connected device up to twice a day.  These are important things.

If you are checking the scores on your cell phone, you might as well check your text messages, and voice mails, oh well take a quick peek at emails as well.  Since you have gone this far it would probably be all right to make a few quick phone calls.

Hey, don't forget to post that picture of yourself wearing the beer vendor racing uniform, complete with flashing police light helmet, driving that golf cart down the drag strip, that one is great.  Nobody will top that!  Here, let me start my phone, so I can be the first one to like it.

While you were posting that picture I saw that the original Godzilla vs. Mothra is on TV in 20 minutes.  What do you say we fire up the blender, whip up some margaritas, make some nachos, and microwave popcorn and call it a party?  I love that movie.

Well, that is all we have time for today, don't forget to tune in tomorrow when we discuss how to decrease your carbon foot print by starting a bicycle delivery service, and how to get home after delivering the bike.  Spoiler alert, have your friend pick you up in his huge SUV.