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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

When things go well.

Recently things have started to improve here at the top secret Life Explained laboratory, and distribution center, located in the scenic mountains of Sworntosecrecy, right at the intersection of Canttellyou, and Needtoknow.  Success breeds extravagance, and we decided to splurge.

We bought a new vacuum, and not just any new vaccum either, it is a really nice new vacuum, though our legal department would appreciate it if we didn't mention any names, unless we get some monetary consideration.

We are just going to say it is built to last, they test this vacuum for durability by dropping over 5,000 times on a hard floor.  Which is remarkably good news since our custodial staff has been known to hit the employee lounge before their shift, and we do mean lounge.

It autoadjusts between carpet and hardwood floors, ending the need for all of that manual adjusting that used to consume such a large percentage of each shift.  Sometimes they wouldn't actually get any vacuuming done at all, just endless hours of adjusting, and then it was time to clock out and go home.

A unique steering mechanism allows our associates to turn quickly, and without wasted motion.  Which, in our business can be a real life saver.  Occasionally, we will get agents of industrial espionage breaking into our facility, and our custodians used to be sitting ducks, trying to out maneuver a trained agent while pushing an old style, two wheeled vacuum was almost impossible (of course it was much better than the old days of the dreaded, quagmire of the canister, we had more turnover with those stupid things than you would believe).

And, at 160 air watts it is more than twice as efficient as the nearest competitor, so the rest of you can eat our dust.  However, since it has a sealed HEPA filter that can track down and trap 99.97 % of particulate 0.3 micrometers or larger, it will not be necessary.

We have our eyes on a new coffee maker, so if you see anything really cool, let us know, at tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com.  Thanks.
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