Saturday, your reward for living through the week. We here at Life Explained have decided to Explain the days of the week. Using a revolutionary new technology developed by our inhouse genius, Dr.Dawg we capture the metaphysical manifestations of each day. Yes, that's right we have developed a Metaphysical Manifestation Capturing Camera. Someday, we might let you borrow, or rent, it.
Monday, a day that bludgeons you, an ogre of a day. It is a slugfest and you had better be prepared to stand your ground or you will be overrun, smashed in to the dirt, big feet walking all over your job, your hurried lunch, your harried telephone calls, smashing your fingers into the keys while you try, tragically, and fruitlessly to disarm your supervisor's incendiary anger through a charming, apologetic, ingratiating email. It might have worked, too, if it had not been for the broken bones in both hands, and the constant clubbing about the head and shoulders. Monday is tough.
If Monday is blunt force trauma, Tuesday is death by a thousand cuts. Gremlins, poltergeists, and
goblins, everywhere. Hiding your pens, papers, and coffee cup, jamming the printer, eating the toner from the fax machine, restarting your computer right before you save the work you have been painstakingly typing, poring over, editing, sweating over, and praying about for hours. Drinking the last of the coffee, without even shutting of the burner, leaving the copier set at 100s so you end up looking like a fool, walking around with 100s of copies of that funny dog picture. Curse you, Tuesday.
Stay tuned for Wednesday, better known as not the worst day of the week.