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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

You Have to Think of These Things.

Recently our company, (not Life Explained proper, rather our shell company) was approached by a gentlemen who wanted to put a WiFi tower on our roof.  It is a tall building downtown, one of several he was using to create a WiFi hot spot that would serve the area.  He told the facility manager, John, (You remember John, what a guy!) it was used by first responders and letting them use our building was almost a public service, a sense of civic  duty fulfilled.  Plus, he was going to let use the WiFi for free, unless you count the use of our building.

WOW, that's fast!
Since, according to the guy, it was lightning fast WiFi, we were all very excited.  Trouble was brewing on the horizon, though.  The building needed a new roof, and some masonry work done.  The contractors decided to make a career of the project, we actually added them to our retirement plan, they were here so long (we are very nice that way).  And the roof was not going to be done in time.   Our free, lightning fast WiFi was in jeopardy.  Not too fear, the man said, these were small things, nothing should stand in the way of progress.  He had a crane reserved, and the inexorable march of technology was inevitable, and we all breathed a sigh of techno geek relief.

Sunday I went in to work for a little while and they had a very large crane sitting in the middle of our snowy, ice covered parking lot, with a personnel cage attached.  Next to the crane was a rented panel truck, filled with wires, and pieces and electronic looking stuff and two guys who looked very busy. It was very cold and there was a Chrysler Town and Country with the engine running, probably to keep the men warm.  They would raise themselves up to the top of our building with the the WiFi tower, perform whatever magic is involved in activation and then move the whole mechanical operation to the next building and start over.  Three people, three vehicles, a prime number cubed, it had to be a lucky sign.  I approached the truck, told them I was there, asked them if my car was parked in a convenient place and walked away feeling smug.

It seemed to be an auspicious beginning to an wireless, electronic relationship.  Until I thought about it, just a little.  Why was this guy so keen to install this equipment on the weekend?   Was he a little too happy to see me?  Maybe this guy was not a Wireless Benefactor at all, maybe he was a James Bond Style Villain.
He wasn't carrying a Golden Gun, or a white, long haired cat, but that could have beenan Easter European accent.  How many wires do you need for a " wireless network?"  Who gives stuff away, when they could charge?  Maybe that minivan said Kremlin, instead of Chrysler!
Just what are you up to.
 
In this community there are several important targets.  White Castle, Wendy's and Donato's Pizza, all have headquarters here.  It is the home of The Columbus Blue Jackets, the Columbus Clippers, and Channel 4 Chief Meteorologist Jym Ganahl (the only guy I know of in the Central Ohio with worse hair than mine, though, in fairness I have not completed my study of Obetz, so there is still hope for Jym, and me).  Just what is the target?

Maybe this guy was installing some kind of diabolical laser cannon device on our roof to wipe out the supply of bags of sliders (delicious, little steamed hamburgers, and onions, almost bite size, a specialty of White Castle), right before the Holidays.  Of course, I asked John (remember John, from earlier) about this.

"I thought of that," he said, reassuringly, "he won't attack us if we help him, and if a James Bond Style Hero shows up we have Plausible Deniability, we were just after a better internet experience.  Everybody wants that."  I was so proud of John I could have hugged him, but I am not sure he is not a KAOS agent bent on World Domination, they don't deserve hugs.