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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Scientific Research, at it's Finest

According to a recent, scientific study conducted by Life Explained scientists, in a carefully controlled environment with adequate safeguards, and verifiable, quantified results there are two types of people in the world (at least the part of the world with cars).  Drive through people and walk in people.

Walk in people are more tolerant, and patient.  They weigh their options, and try to focus on the big picture.  Considered, rational, and charitable.  While drive through people are rushed, harried, and willing to settle for whatever they get.  Irritable, tyrannical, and domineering, drive through people can be a little tense.

"Excuse me, sir, can I help you?"  The counter person will ask the walk in customer.

"Not quite yet, I am still deciding among the many beautiful, varied, and delicious options."  Is the answer, while the customer says a silent prayer for his brethren who is about ready to navigate the no mans land of the drive through lane.  After careful, thorough deliberation the patient, kind walk in customer orders a large coffee (any size only a dollar this week) no cream, no sugar (why ruin good coffee)  and a cream filled, chocolate donut that is so good it would make Dante rethink the 9 spheres of heaven.

While in the background is the sound of someone grunting into a speaker, "gimme doughnut!"

"Yes, sir.  Would you like anything to drink with "doughnut"?  The clerk asks.

Fast food.
"Gimme coffee, cram in the cream and sugar, and make it fast, I'm in a big dammed hurry."  The driver shrieks into the intercom.  Throwing the money in through the window, he grabs his cup, and bag and speeds away, stuffing the doughnut in his mouth, using the coffee to keep from choking.  While the next person in line revs the engine, waiting for the green flag to drop, when the pained scream of squealing tires and the sickening stench of burning rubber will provide the backdrop for breakfast on the go.

"Life is sweet"

The walk in customer walks, happily, (except for the terrified sprint across the drive through lane) whistling a cheerful tune, back to their car, stopping just long enough to lend a helping hand to a poor, lost soul, down on their luck.  Who, using the unique opportunity provided by this wonderful, charitable, beloved person, begins to make good choices, gets a job, goes to night school, earns a degree, finds a wife, gets married, has children and is elected to city council, where he helps usher in a new era of industrious prosperity, and hope for a desperate population.  Good fortune rides in on a chocolate covered, glazed chariot, with sprinkles.

While it is true that people are people, scientific evidence proves that some people are not the same people as other people, and there are people who are more people than other people.  It gets a little confusing for the those without the proper education, and framed diplomas, and white lab coats, but trust us, we are doctors.