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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Important Internal Memo

It is the end of an era here at Life Explained.  We no longer will have the print edition.  Our intern, Bobby, whose mom owns an office supply store, finally got that highly coveted, much sought after paper route.  Now that we know how much paper, and toner, and envelopes actually cost we have decided to forgo the hard copy.  But, let's all thank Bobby, and his mom, for all of their loyalty and dedication, and wish him the best in Middle School.  You will do great, Bobby.

Also, we have cancelled our television programming, the planned Life Explained network, and the movie version.  Plus, we have delayed deep ocean exploration to find Atlantis, and the launch of the Life Explained Mars Colonization Project (anybody selected for this mission please return your space suit, after having it dry cleaned, of course).

Further, we are postponing the annual Life Explained Picnic in the south of France, indefinitely, and we are going to need to delay the purchase of the new computers, company cars and the private jet, and yacht.

Additionally, paychecks are going to be a little late, and employees are going to have pay their own insurance premiums for a short time, and probably look into adding a little something to the retirement plan, if that is important to them.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
For the next few weeks, we ask all employees to bring in coffee, napkins, paper towels, soap and other assorted
kitchen needs, as well as notepads, pens, paper clips, staples and tape.  In short, if you might need it, please bring it.  Oh, and bring enough for everybody, no point in being a scrooge.

Unless, of course we hit this inside straight, in which case, big raises for everybody.  Luck be a lady tonight.