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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Will it never end?

As we drove to work this morning, the air in the car never warmed enough to be comfortable, wisps of snow chased us down the freeway, swirling playfully around the car. The thermometer read 18 degrees.  That was almost as warm as it was going to get, it was going to be colder tomorrow, and the rest of the week was already ruined by bitter, arctic cold, and predicted, impending, paralyzing snow.   The Polar Vortex was back.

+Luna LaBlue, owner of the incomparable my lowercase life blog commented on one of these endless, posts whining about the unfairness of this terrible, awful winter, that she was learning to adjust, and had taken the approach of relative discomfort.  She looked at temperatures that used to seem very cold, as comparatively mild, and weather that once seemed life threatening as almost bearable.  We are taking a different approach, and have several plans to combat this latest invasive species, the arctic winter, from destroying the American Way of Life.

The first, and most likely to succeed, plan is complex and will require some cooperation from the power companies in the Northern States, Canada, and the United Nations.   Everybody knows about all the windmills dotting the landscape across the Northern part of our country.  Normally, they use the wind that sweeps across the plains to generate electricity.  This plan involves reversing the flow of electricity and turning the faces north, using all of these windmills as giant fans to push the Polar Vortex back to Canada, from whence it sprang.  This will have the added benefit, if Doctor Dawg's calculations are correct, of generating drenching, much needed rain across the Southwest, and reducing the drought that has been so damaging.

Since it is so difficult reaching all of the parties needed to bring that project to fruition, we have begun a more metaphysical, (maybe supernatural) guerilla campaign.  Placing the blame squarely on the local weather people, mostly that Mike Davis guy from the local CBS affiliate (WBNS 10tv) because that is the station we watch the most, for creating the news, in this case the weather news, by prediction.  We have begun a noisy crusade of boycotting all of the sponsors of the local news programs.  Writing letters, sending emails, making phone calls, all demanding that they make the weather people predict nice, comfortable conditions, and loudly proclaiming my disdain for any company that would support such an awful, deplorable week.

Of course, this could backfire, since many of the local companies are places we shop, and a boycott wouldn't carry much weight if everybody saw us patronizing the places we threatened.   But, Doctor Dawg, and I have figured a way around this, until we win the war.  When things get improve we don't expect a lot of thanks, or praise, or free food, just knowing we made life better for everybody, and temperatures above freezing will be enough for us.