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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Spring, another season, another hassle.

Spring, a new beginning, the birth of summer, the end of winter.  A time for celebratory, feckless exuberance, when we finally get to put away the snow shovels, gloves, stocking hats, boots, and coats.  Time to air out the shorts, and sandals, and visors.  As you leave work today look to the north and tell the Polar Vortex, "hey, you aren't so tough."  But, then jump in your car quickly, before it can grab you, and rip your heart out with frosty, ice covered, malevolent fingers.  Hey, it is still the Polar Vortex, after all.  

But, when you get home, don't forget to remove your lawn mower blade, so you can take it in and have it sharpened, now is the time for that sort of routine maintenance.  Also, you will need to unroll the garden hose, make sure it is leak free, because this weekend you will need to wash out the drop spreader and make sure it is in good working condition.  A decent lawn regimen requires about 60 treatments to be effective.

Oh, and don't forget the rake, you will need to get all of the thatch out of your yard if you want grass to be able to grow.  And, there is plenty of assorted, rotting flotsam in the flower beds, that will need to be raked, bagged, and put in the yard waste.  Also, make sure you clean the shovels, there will be plenty of digging once your wife decides where she wants the garden. Yeah, right, garden my aching butt, it is more like the Ponderosa, next thing you know she will want to get some chickens...  Hey, don't say that so loud, she might hear you.

You might want to drag out the ladder, the gutters won't clean themselves.  While you are in there grab the patio furniture, of course it will need to be cleaned.  Keep an eye open for spiders, though, I read on the internet that they are everywhere, literally everywhere.  Brother, I could tell you stories about spiders, but I am saving those for future blog posts.

And with spring, and summer coming the spiders are going to be multiplying like crazy.  Not to mention wasps, bees, snakes, bats, and those annoying little flies that are always diving into your beer just to die, man those things are awful.  

You know, winter was terrible, but summer ain't sounding so hot either.  We should really come up with a new way to divide the year, something comfortable, and bug free.