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Monday, June 30, 2014

Facebook, Moderator Extraordinaire.

Recently, Facebook admitted to "psychological testing" on certain user's news feeds in an effort to understand how people would react to seeing their friends doing interesting, exciting things.  Of course, it caused jealousy, and bitter resentment.  Particularly when all of your friends were together having a good time, doing something extremely fun, something that you had always wanted to do, and all of your ingrate friends knew it was a life long dream of yours and they all got together to do it, without you, and there they were scattering hundreds of pictures of joyous, gleeful, ecstasy, laughing together, while you sit home, scrolling through their pictures, wishing that just one of the bastards had been thoughtful enough to invite you, stupid Facebook, anyway...  Wait, where was I?  Oh yes, "social media" and societal responsibility; should Facebook, and other websites designed to bring people closer together be accountable for potential depression?

In essence, should "moderators" be employed to "moderate" the amount of fun people are allowed to share on their account?   Yes, they should.  And I would like to apply for the job!  Mr. Zuckerberg, please contact me through this blog and we will discuss a few of my ideas to help bring this deplorable situation under control, and my salary, and car, and driver, and vacation requirements (which will be way too much fun to share on Facebook, by the way).

Mr. Zuckerberg, (do you mind if I call you Mr. Zuckerberg) here is an example of what  I can bring to the table.  Obviously, these people are at a fantastically entertaining gala of some sort, an event that would actively, rigorously exclude many people, including many poor souls who use your fine site.   A handful of lucky attendees would post their fun filled pictures of dancing and partying, and carrying on in an obscenely fun manner, causing all sorts of emotional distress.  Until, they (the losers who did not get invited) stumble upon a few of these bad boys, and think "oh my, they got smashed by a giant monster, I am so glad I wasn't there."

Soon, people will start logging on to see what terrible fate befell their poor, pitiful, popular friends, and traffic on your wonderful site will boom, and you and I will be rich!!!  Well, you will be even richer, and I will be rich, and this would be nice.

I look forward to hearing from you, and see a bright future for both of us.