Tax Day, it Just Keeps Happening.

Today is tax day, every day is tax day, really. Even if you aren't working, paying income tax, or buying something and paying sales tax you are living somewhere and paying property tax, or driving in a car, eating something, drinking something, maybe having a smoke, and brother you paid some serious taxes on that. But, everything you do feeds the monster, whether it is the village, city, state or federal government. They all want their part of your little pie.

Recently I watched, with great amusement, representatives of congress grill Mark Zuckerberg on the sins of omission committed by Facebook management, and their lackeys. I will be honest here, I don't really know what happened, I have read a few things, and still don't understand the implications, or the methods the company used to mine the data. From what little I have been able to learn a lot of it has to do with third party applications, and the information was used to influence voters. I suppose that is probably not a good idea.

Voters have enough misinformation coming from the candidates themselves, the PACs, the political parties, churches, labor unions, friends, neighbors and coworkers. Maybe that is what bothers our elected representatives so much. Lying to voters is their job. If somebody else can step in and lie so much more convincingly maybe we won't need them anymore.

Senator Lindsey Graham confronted Mr. Zuckerberg about how he, Senator Graham, should attempt to convince his constituents that Facebook does not need government regulation and oversight.

I almost laughed out loud, here was clearly a case of the hopelessly unregulated calling the under regulated lawless, if you get my drift. 

We keep paying taxes on everything, we keep seeing our government turn it's back on us, the voters, we keep seeing the things get worse, the environment, the economic situation, the opportunities. And now we should worry about the regulations on Facebook.

Look, I don't know much about Facebook, why I see somethings and not others. And, I certainly know nothing about governing, but when it comes to a monstrous, out of control bureaucracy running amuck, smashing through peoples lives, with no oversight, control or moral compass I will take my chances on Facebook.

Anniversaries and the Implications of Time

Recently a friend of mine from the old country, Nebraska, became my friend of Facebook. I am not sure if this makes him an old friend, a new friend, or some sort of hybrid, a rediscovered friend. Internet networking sites have altered the meaning of things. I could write a book about the way that bothers me, but I will spare you, dear reader.

Anyway, we are friends, again. A short time ago he posted a photo of his wedding day. A day that happened thirty five years ago and he was preparing to celebrate the occasion.

I was dumbfounded. For one thing it forced me to realize that I am getting old. I forget to remember how age is creeping up on me. Even on days when things ache so bad it is a toss-up which leg to limp on. Secondly, I couldn’t believe how long it had been since we had last talked, more than thirty five years. I didn’t know he was married, I didn’t even know he was seeing anybody. I didn’t even know he was alive.

Then it struck me, thirty five years is a long time, an impressively long time. But, it isn’t the years. It is the minutes that make a marriage, any relationship. Those brief instances where love is built, reinforced, transformed from the lusty, irrepressible, hedonistic early days to the comfort of soft sighs and gentle embraces. When holding hands is enough to make you believe in heaven.

All of those seconds when you laughed at private jokes that nobody else understood. And if they did they wouldn’t have been nearly so amused. Couples, possibly in self-defense start to assimilate characteristics from each other. Shared feelings are the bonds that last forever.

Times when you are so sick you think you might die. Lying in bed, dozing in and out of sweaty, restless sleep. Then, an angel wakes you, presses a cold cloth on your fevered, pasty forehead and gives you a glass of ice-cold green Kool-aid. It may have been the only thing that kept you from going to the light. Or when she has the flu so bad she is helpless and all she wants to eat is macaroni and cheese. The cheap kind, so you stop every night on the way home and buy a box, cook it up, and serve it to her on the couch. Gently you help her back to bed. Kiss her cheek and pray that she outlives you.

Marriages are built around those times, seconds of pain and fear. Flashes of happiness so blinding they seem impossible. And those seconds that take hours. Those times you are so mad you could just walk away, never look back. Anger and loathing cloud your vision, you lash out, and she lashes out, and you think “if I never see you again it will be too soon.” But, you don’t give up because you know the term my better half is not just a meaningless cliché. It is the truth.  Those minutes, interminable, terrible, regrettable, make a relationship stronger, because afterwards love heals the wounds, and the scars serve to remind of the pain caused by emotions so strong.

So, I salute your thirty five years, we are still rookies, only twenty eight, and I applaud your time management skills. You are both shining examples of the possibilities. And I am grateful. 

Big News in The Small Word of Life Explained.

Many of you may know I have been given a unique opportunity to write a monthly column for The Wild Word. If you weren’t aware, I have been given the unique opportunity to write a monthly column for The Wild Word. It is a surprising piece of good fortune, I keep going back and reading the email making sure it is real, and to my surprise, every time, it seems to be true.  But, the editor thought a Facebook writers page might be a good idea. And if she thinks it’s a good idea, I think it’s a great idea.

I now have a Facebook Writers page. Located here. You should rush over and like and follow the page, and you should also have your friends, family, co-workers, people who ride the bus with you, all the people you know, or see during the day, go like and follow the page. It will give you something to talk about when you are waiting for your turn to use the microwave at work. Imagine the joy, standing by yourself in the kitchen laughing and talking animatedly, great sweeping hand gestures, occasionally doubling over in laughter, sometimes sobbing softly, tears making your mascara run, thinking 'why am I, a real man, wearing mascara?' about the wonderful things you read on the Tim Clark Writes page.

There isn’t anything there yet, I know, but there will be, soon, and it will be writing by Tim Clark, which explains the name. Sure, if you had time you could search and find all the great writing by Tim Clark, but you don’t, you are busy. You have important things to take care of, vital concerns to address, fires to douse. Clearly I made this page for you. You need this page, the people who love you need you to have this page, the world needs you to like and follow this page.

The Doorman, a can man.

As you all know I am writing a book, and if you didn’t know I am writing a book, which was really the impetus for submitting writing to real editors, my writing can easily get off track, and ramble on and on endlessly, kind of like this sentence. Anyway, I am writing a book, actually, I am re-writing a book, for the third or fourth time. And when I write a particularly good bit, a part that needs to be shared, a passage of such quality it refuses to be hidden as a series of 1s and 0s in a file on a computer I will add it to the growing list of shareable writing. Plus it will save my poor wife from hearing “hey, you have to listen to this.”

As an added bonus, I will post Life Explained’s Greatest Hits, if I can figure out which posts qualify. Maybe the standard will be lowered to Life Explained, Not The Worst. And you will get to read them here, or more accurately, Here!

So, hurry, and sign up. There is no good reason not to. If you have a good reason, I can live with that, but don’t tell anybody, I don’t want everybody having a good reason.

It is Time to Take the Band Wagon For a Spin #FixThePlus.

Recently a friend, who is very wise and accomplished in the vagaries of "social media" suggested a few minor changes to my Twitter "strategy." Since my Twitter "strategy, to that point, had been tweet something once in a while, it seemed like a good idea. It was a great idea. With just a few changes and a minimum effort his predictions came true.

In essence, he said "take one of the trending hashtags and tweet about it and people will follow you." Of course, there were other things, about changing the name, adding a picture, but in less than two weeks I have sixty new followers, and almost every day add a few more. It still amazes me.

This blog has a facebook page, and I decided to experiment with that a little bit. For the most part my plan there has been posting links to this blog, and having a cup of coffee. So far it has worked great, I love coffee. But, nobody pays any attention to the Facebook page.

With the recent success of my Twitter page I have decided to start experimenting with the Facebook component of Life Explained. Of course that requires adding unique things to Life Explained Invades Facebook. So the good news is there are unique things on Twitter, and Facebook. The bad news is, there are new things on Facebook, and Twitter.

If you can't get enough of Life Explained you are probably in need of a little counseling, but until you have reached your deductible and the psychiatric benefits kick in feel free to join in at the above addresses, it is free, and mostly in good fun.

If you are already sick of the nonsense well go ahead and join anyway. What do you have to lose? It may grow on you. And you can always use it to prove that you are still sane. "See, I'm a lot healthier than that guy." And I think you are, really.

So, happy Monday, Welcome to the work week, only four days left.

History, Myth, and Wonder, all on One Page, Thank you, Raven Corvus.

Normally I don't endorse things on this blog. I'm not sure why, it never really occurred to me. Though, there are things that are worthy of mention, things that deserve a some attention. I am going to start writing the Wednesday Witness, (maybe not every Wednesday).  A post about something that I enjoy.

This week it will be about a Facebook Page I follow. Raven Corvus. It is one of the first things I read every morning.

It is a little hard to explain this page. You need to check it out yourself. It is part Christian, part Wiccan, part history, part mythology, and completely fascinating.

Formatted mostly as a "today in history" list it would be easy to dismiss this as a small matter of trivia. But, it is far from that.

It is the tale of growth, adaptation, resilience. Reading the daily posts provides a glimpse into the ingenuity, and desperation of our ancestors. It is a lesson in interpretation. Our forebears were faced with trying, bleak times. And in the face of crushing odds they managed to explain and connect with events in ways that are fascinating.

Here is today's post;

"3rd of Feb is St Blaise's day. He is invoked to cure all illness and injuries to the throat. Make a Blaise's cross, by tieing two candles crosswise with ribbon and lighting them. The unlit ends are then touched to the sufferer's throat."

Imagine the uncertainty of illness when there were no doctors, no pharmacies, no WebMD. Only the
unkind fates, and your belief in the divine.

Everyday brings a jewel, everyday brings a part of our past and reminds us of our origins. Everyday is a wonderful trip to a frightening era, and a light on the endurance and ability of our race.



Raven Corvus is exceptional,entertaining and delightful. It has sent me to the internet search engines and the library more than I want to confess.

You should consider starting your day with the wonderful owners of Raven Corvus. You will never regret it.

An adventure in mediocrity.

Driving down the freeways of America is a great way to find out a little about yourself.  Without all of the life and civilization intruding into a trip you have time to look inward.  

This unique opportunity for introspection, this chance to examine what is important is so hard to find in today's hyperconnected, constantly plugged in world. Each of us carries ideas, thoughts, dreams, constantly bubbling subcutaneously.  Percolating, flowing, ebbing and waning, waiting to break through. Aching to be discovered. On this trip, for example, an idea came bounding through. Popping out, demanding action. 

I sprang from a packing stupor and downloaded an ecard app (appygraph, if you are interested, and for a free app it is remarkably flexible). I am going to use it to document the trip through the heartland.  I am going to post a progress report on Facebook.

I am not an artistic photographer, my hands shake too much, and my impatience, and haste force me to rush the shot, so I am going to pass the beauty and take pictures of the more ordinary. Figuring it is best to leave the beautiful, spectacular vistas, and gorgeous scenes filled with color, contrast, and all of those important artistic elements to those steady handed, rock solid, keen eyed photo geeks with their expensive cameras and multiple lenses, apertures and focal lengths walking around with bags, and straps, and light meters, acting as though they have some sort of spiritual attachment to the simple practice of pointing a machine at an object and pushing a button, like that takes some divine, instinctive talent… Oops.

Anyway, I will focus on the more average, more typical snapshots of Americana. It will be Postcards From the Mundane.  A series, by Life Explained.

At some point it will become an award winning documentary with musical accompaniment by an artist to be named later.  But, you will not to wait that long, get on the band wagon while there is still room, and the ticket price is still reasonable.

Please join us on our travels here, Our Home on Facebook.

A New Experiment.

As previously proven, pretty much beyond a doubt now, I have become a "Nerd In Training," or an "Apprentice Geek," if you prefer.  However, to remove all doubt here is a little secret.  When my Starbucks App messages that they are giving away a free app, or the App Store offers a Free App of the Week they are on my phone, almost immediately.  It is easy enough to delete them if they are not serving any real purpose, but they are always accessible to them, if the need arises.  Today, however, there was a Free App of the Week that is going to revolutionize my life.

Day One is a Journal App that no blogger, or probably writer, (though I am no writer, so will leave that to someone else) should do without.  It is flexible, convenient and easy to use.  Inspiration is a fickle, difficult friend who shows up at odd times and strange places.  You may never be able to control the muse, but this app will make it a more welcome guest.

It is an easy way to jot down an idea, save it and let it grow a bit, decide on a course, and then run completely crazy.  Which is what I like to do.

It does not post to blogger, yet, but maybe someday.  It will post to Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook.   And I have no objection copying a tumblr post my blog.  Hey, one lame post deserves another, right?

I have a dentist appointment today.  Normally, I dread those, today, it will be a great experiment.  Keep your eyes open for news and pictures of the conflict.  Unless, the dentist starts to gain control, then I will be too busy running, like a thief in the night, out of there, to document too much.

Facebook, Social Media, Or An Excuse For International Incident.

There has been widespread criticism of Facebook for using their platform to perform cryptic psychological experiments on users.  Though, it is unsure what they were doing or why.  A more sinister aspect of this giant, monstrous social conglomerate is the complete control they are beginning to exercise over most of the free world.   To that end, we here at Life Explained hqve teamed with The Blog of Thog (who still has great hair) to discuss, and display the many facets of Facebook, and their quest for world domination.

Facebook has become a pandemic, people of all ages use the service to share recipes, one person we know, here at Life Explained is an avid 87 year old Facebook user.  She shares pictures, recipes, jokes, and her life in a small midwest town.  She is funny, spry and technically savvy, and she is not alone.  We think she is wonderful, and her posts are some or our favorites.  

Almost every one we, here at Life Explained, know, and every one you know uses Facebook and often they all share the same cartoons.   It is not unusual to see the same little joke picture (meme for power users) repeated by dozens of people so your newsfeed looks like a copier gone awry.  We don't really mind psychological experiments but we wish Facebook would limit the number of times we have to see the same picture, please, for the love of all that is holy. make it stop.

Obviously, Facebook will not be happy until it has taken over the whole world,  until we are all sharing all of the detials of our life, no matter how mundane.  It is a creeping, inexorable menace.

We, here at Life Explained have provided visual evidence of the Facebook Phenomenon, and for this we owe an apology to Mike, (the Thog, from The Blog of Thog) for the amazing lack of talent displayed in this attachment.  But, it is a learning process, and a brand new app.  But, it shows startling proof of the peril we all face.  

 And, for further proof, please join me in a trans Atlantic journey to the The Fantastic Blog of Thog and prepare yourself, for the coming Facebook Occupation, oh, and check out his advice for wearing a basket, it might come in handy.

The Results Are In.

Today, I have good news and bad news.  the good news is, the results of the Facebook Psychological Tests are in and according to the reports I am completely normal, well adjusted, and average in almost every way.

The bad news is, you may have a few problems.  I don't want to go into any details, but according to Facebook you might be full goose bozo, and they would like me to ask if you are still taking your medication.

According to preliminary reports, and these are still being collated, and analyzed, you are not dangerous, at least not too dangerous, but if you could give a responsible person all of your knives, letter openers, scissors, and your shoelaces, and the drawstrings from your sweatpants that might be a good idea.

Also, they wanted you to know that a haircut might not be a bad idea, and maybe a new shirt or two.  Plus, you might be a little too old to be eating Cap'n Crunch for dinner, and lunch, and a snack.

Facebook does want you to know they do love you, and are only telling you these things to help, feeling it is so much better to hear it from an old friend than some new kid, like Pinterest, or Yelp, who may not care about your feelings.

Facebook would like me to tell you, together we can get through this, stronger, better, and a lot less crazy, if you are willing to put forth just a little effort.  They did their part, right?

A Little Experiment of Our Own.

In light of recent discoveries, and at the request of our shareholders here at Life Explained, have decided to come clean, and let you in on a little secret.  We have been conducting our own psychological experiments, on you, our loyal readers.

We would never think about trying something so controversial if it did not benefit all of mankind.  Each test was designed by our team of highly trained, well paid doctors who have been given a great amount of latitude in the implementation and control.  Also, they were given a generous retirement package, five weeks of paid vacation, stock options, a car, a driver, and a whole team of assistants, and free meals, not that we are bitter, but we can smell the acrid fumes of resentment, disappointment, and bias floating through the air.  Well, maybe we are a little bitter, or maybe somebody cooked their popcorn too long in the microwave again.  Hey can somebody get a can of air freshener, please?

So, if after reading one of the posts on here and you found it dull, boring, insufferably long, tedious, or mind numbingly rambling and pointless, that was our intent!  Oh sure, we could write witty entertaining articles with the best of them, and you would enjoy them immensely but that would nothing for the good of man.

So, if you find one of our posts exceedingly stupid, share it with all of your friends, the world needs your sacrifice.  You can start with this one.

Facebook, Moderator Extraordinaire.

Recently, Facebook admitted to "psychological testing" on certain user's news feeds in an effort to understand how people would react to seeing their friends doing interesting, exciting things.  Of course, it caused jealousy, and bitter resentment.  Particularly when all of your friends were together having a good time, doing something extremely fun, something that you had always wanted to do, and all of your ingrate friends knew it was a life long dream of yours and they all got together to do it, without you, and there they were scattering hundreds of pictures of joyous, gleeful, ecstasy, laughing together, while you sit home, scrolling through their pictures, wishing that just one of the bastards had been thoughtful enough to invite you, stupid Facebook, anyway...  Wait, where was I?  Oh yes, "social media" and societal responsibility; should Facebook, and other websites designed to bring people closer together be accountable for potential depression?

In essence, should "moderators" be employed to "moderate" the amount of fun people are allowed to share on their account?   Yes, they should.  And I would like to apply for the job!  Mr. Zuckerberg, please contact me through this blog and we will discuss a few of my ideas to help bring this deplorable situation under control, and my salary, and car, and driver, and vacation requirements (which will be way too much fun to share on Facebook, by the way).

Mr. Zuckerberg, (do you mind if I call you Mr. Zuckerberg) here is an example of what  I can bring to the table.  Obviously, these people are at a fantastically entertaining gala of some sort, an event that would actively, rigorously exclude many people, including many poor souls who use your fine site.   A handful of lucky attendees would post their fun filled pictures of dancing and partying, and carrying on in an obscenely fun manner, causing all sorts of emotional distress.  Until, they (the losers who did not get invited) stumble upon a few of these bad boys, and think "oh my, they got smashed by a giant monster, I am so glad I wasn't there."

Soon, people will start logging on to see what terrible fate befell their poor, pitiful, popular friends, and traffic on your wonderful site will boom, and you and I will be rich!!!  Well, you will be even richer, and I will be rich, and this would be nice.

I look forward to hearing from you, and see a bright future for both of us.

Sincerely,

Tim

Technology Explained

It has been several weeks since technology landed here and life was altered by the addition of an iPhone.  It has been a whirlwind of activity.  Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all waiting.  It was a fresh beginning.  Smart phones are a blessing, sent from the heavens to reward us for living so long with a phone that was tethered to a wall.  Today we will discuss the time saving, multi-tasking abilities of the iPhone.

Everyday you see countless people driving, robot like, both hands on the wheel, both eyes on the road, machines, scanning the traffic ahead and judiciously using the mirrors to watch behind.  Cautiously looking for potential problems.  Think of all that down time, wasted.  Fools!

Smart phone users, on the other hand, are answering emails, sending text messages, scheduling appointments.  Using all of that wasted time driving to get things done.

Just this morning, on the way to work, I surfed the net for a recipe for dinner tonight (found one using cheese and ground beef patties, might be good), updated my Facebook status, "driving to work, 75 mph, passing doofus in Festiva, flipped him off."  And I liked it, too.  Took a few pictures and posted them to Instagram, titled, "Nice day for a drive, enjoying the scenery"  Answered an email from some guy that has a time share plan that will make me rich.  "Not interested, still waiting on a big fat check from Nigeria" (I was tempted, but how much money can one person use?).  All while rocking and rolling to the Jim Carroll Band performing "People Who Died."

Plus, somehow, during the spasm of productivity that my commute has become with the addition of "SMART" phone technology, I managed to top my high score on "Angry Birds, On the Road, Again"

Not only that, but I am typing and posting this right on the 5th Avenue curve, the maelstrom that has taken so many careless souls over the years.  In case my wife reads this, that was just a joke, I am not really writing this while driving our car, at 75 miles an hour, on the 5th Avenue curve.  It was just a joke.

Anyway, I am here, time to go make coffee.  Have a nice day, and stay connected, it is what separates us from the animals.  Please tune in next week when we cover minor home surgery thanks to YouTube tutorials, in a post titled "Thanks to the iPhone, you don't need to be a physician to heal thyself!"  Or, "Go ahead and try this at home."