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Thursday, June 19, 2014

Your Post Vacation Health, Explained, Sort Of.

Generally speaking it is a very bad idea to schedule a doctors appointment after vacation.  Generally speaking you will probably spend too much time setting, not enough time moving, and too much time eating.  Moreover, the things you eat will not, speaking in general terms, be of the most healthy variety.  Doctors don't, most of the time, approve of the "All You Can Possibly Eat" breakfast buffet challenge, speaking in broad, unspecific terms.

It is impossible to predict what your doctor would say if you stepped on the scale in his office and it screamed in agony, and begged for mercy (it was widely predicted those talking scales were going to be a problem).  Likely, though, he would not be too pleased.

And, if that made your doctor a little anxious imagine the chagrin when the doctor asks, "so, what have you been up to?"  and you reply that you ate your way across three states, and spent four days "cruising the parkway, stopping for a cold beer, and an order of chili cheese fries, or a pitcher of margarita, and loaded nachos, or a bloody mary and cheesy breadsticks,or an extra large Coke and a palm sized slab of fudge."  Spoiler alert, your doctor will not be happy.

And when you say "I haven't been taking my cholesterol lowering, or blood pressure reduction medicine because I have been too full, absolutely stuffed!" you might want to be moving, discretely for the door.

Obviously, it is best to give yourself a few weeks between vacation, and a visit to the doctor.  That should be plenty of time to lower your serum cholesterol, and blood pressure, take off a few pounds, as dedicated as we are, it will be plenty, and maybe we can sneak in a nap or two.