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Friday, November 21, 2014

Year End Performance Reviews, Winner Take All.

This year we, here at Life Explained, (#lifeexplained) have decided to forgo the normal Christmas (for those of you waging a war on Christmas*, Xmas) gifts, year end evaluations, promotions, bonuses, and raises.  Instead, taking a cue from the ultimate authority in fair play, the NCAA, and having a playoff with the biggest prizes to be awarded to the winners, though we are trying to avoid all of the corruption, greed and malfeasance associated with organized sports.  It won't be football, or basketball, probably, but it will be a competition, and people are warming up to the idea already.

Right now we are leaning toward professional wrestling, WWE style, looking into the price of a decent ring, with a cage that lowers, covering the area so contestants are forced to battle it out, with no chance of escape.  A cage would even the playing field for Mabel from accounting, as her oxygen tank, and walker would slow her down, and allow her opponent to flee with ease.  Go Mabel!

Of course, nobody really wants to see Bob, from R and D in wrestling shorts, the guy looks like he might be the missing link.  And nobody really wants to wrestle Bill from the legal department, he is such a whiner.  He had to get stitches for his last paper cut.  One good body slam would leave him in a coma, which might be ok, until he woke up.

On the plus side, people are starting to come up with some very creative ring names, like "Carl, the Crippler Custodian," and "Doctor Daryl the Destroyer," the RN, who stitched up Bill's papercut.  Daryl is so enamored with the idea she smashed a guy over the head with a folding chair.  He came in to see about something for his headache, she screamed, "I got your headache right here," and knocked him, butt over tea kettle into the hall, he had to be transported to the hospital.  (Hurry back boss, we all miss you.)

Mabel wins again.
Anyway, there is a lot on the line, and spirits are running high, Doctor Dawg started accepting bets on the outcome, making odds, and so far Mabel is doing well, 3 to 1 against.  And the addition of masks has helped, though when you are competing for promotion, or a raise I suppose anonymity is not an asset.  Well, tune in to the Life Explained network, bet a big fat wad of cash (don't worry, if you lose the Life Explained Tax Service will provide documents proving it was a charitable donation) and catch all of the action.  It will be intense, and you won't want to miss a second, except when you go grab a drink or a snack, you know, the important things in life.

* We here at Life Explained would like to take this opportunity to espouse our love of peace (A), and all things peaceful, we feel that war is bad, and have no desire to participate in wars of any kind.  We are pacifists by preference, and by profession.  Plus, we like Christmas, and wish it came more often.