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Monday, June 15, 2015

Better living through technology, if you don't look too closely

People will tell you that I have a love/hate relationship with technology.  My loathing turned into adoration.  There are just too many advantages to ignore, and everyday new, useful, time saving uses leap on stage, screaming, "hey, check me out."

This story started simply enough, the youngest son got an iPod, and introduced the family to the wonderful app store. A magical place filled with conveniences once unimaginable. Time saving, life altering, reality expanding little computer programs that are certain to make your life better. There are hundreds of ways to improve life.  

Today we will start by "reviewing" Stickers.  An app that lets you take a picture, and cut out parts, and pieces and bits, and save the remaining as a "sticker." A piece of the original picture that is left after digital, graphic surgery.  

"How can that improve my life?" You might ask. It can't, if measured in absolute, numeric values.  But, a little creative thinking, and a few swipes on an iPhone screen and all of your Facebook friends think you are sitting on an exclusive beach in the France. Their envy will be compounded when they notice you are sipping expensive champagne, and the jealousy will become uncontrollable as they take note of the A List celebrities surrounding you. Life, and happiness, are illusions, yours might as well be wonderful, and the stuff of dreams.  

Dr. Dawg, for example, has been "working" on some new ideas recently. Here he is in charge of several trucks filled with linemen from the local utility. At a boy, Dr. Dawg, keep them focused and on task.  We will have power to the coffee maker in no time. You are a true son of the proletariat.

Wait, Dr. Dawg, there are aliens attacking the crew.  Who said civil service was easy?  Aliens are courtesy of UFO Photo FX.  A wonderful app, sort of difficult to use.  But, if you want aliens in the picture you have to be willing to endure some hardships for your art.

As you can see, Dr. Dawg has taken on a new profession, and risked his life facing ravenous, savage aliens returning the wonders of refrigeration to our old, top secret, secluded headquarters all while sleeping quietly on his bed.

Imagine the wonders your friends will see you living.  And you don't even have to change out of your pajamas.  The world is your oyster, the possibilities are endless, and almost free, depending on the app you choose.  For a nominal fee we will doctor your life up a bit, just send us your best selfie, and a brief description of the action filled life of your dreams, and we will rush you the results.  Make your friends hate you, your enemies envy you, and your family wonder how you finally got out of the basement.