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Monday, July 13, 2015

A new day, and a new chance for a little money

Over the weekend we, here at Life Explained, had an epiphany. It was brought about the by the gross injustice foisted upon the average citizen. It seems that writer +Adele Archer (hereafter referred to as our client) is not allowed to participate in the Wimbledon Tennis Championship. This decision was based solely on the fact that our client never took the time to learn to play tennis. Forgive us if our voice trembles slightly with outrage.

Our crack legal team was so filled with anger they worked around the clock. Finally, churning out an 800 page brief. It was a 200,000 word work of art, conveying the outrage, and indignity suffered since the dawn of organized sports. Covering the terrible victimization of kids who always got picked last for the kick ball team, young men humiliated by their inability to hit a softball, bowlers who could never crack 100, and golfers who could never crack 100 going the other direction.

It addressed the income inequality of the "super athletes" making presidential campaign money, and the average guy busting his hump carrying rocks from one end of the quarry to the other. Sure, being born with an ungodly amount of talent, and working tirelessly to develop the skills should count for something, but this has gone too far.

We demanded justice, our client should be allowed to participate at Wimbledon, if that is her wish. Kids who can't dribble, make a lay-up or turn around without falling over should not be excluded from the fame and riches of the NBA, if that is their dream. Skating should not be a requirement to play in the NHL. Too long have people longed for stardom and riches in this tilted, slanted unfair world.

Unfortunately, the judge said 800 pages, and 200,000 words was too long, and not really brief at all. If we wanted him to consider the case we should make it "a little more brief and a lot less lengthy."

Back to the drawing board. But, our indignation has not wavered, nor has our desire for a little of the gold handed out so easily by the managing entities of professional sports. Nothing a pair of scissors can't fix.